Whatever I want it to be...

Material or Martial Arts?

2011-12-15T12:52:00.000-08:00

My husband had gone to his barber that he had been using for the past 20+ years and began talking about wanting to get our youngest into the martial arts.

It just so happened that his barber is part owner of a martial arts school and is one of the trainers (he has a black belt in Taekwondo).

Roy and I talked about taking the kids to the school and letting them watch and or participate.  The school allows a kid to take 3 classes for free to try it out to see if they like it. I told him it would be a great idea!

So after school one day, I told them we were going for a car ride and where we ended up would be a surprise - someplace we'd never been before. They kept trying to guess where we were going, but kept guessing places we'd already been.

We got to the strip mall, and I had to admit that I wasn't sure where the place we were going was. I asked the kids to read off the names of the places we were driving by...

I pulled around a curve in the large area that had a drive winding around the parking lots. As I began to pull away from where I thought the place would be Kenzie said, "Hey, there was Lee's Material Arts back there."

Material Arts?

I told them I wanted to see that place - might be interesting. I parked in front and got the kids out, and we walked inside. They were fascinated and intimidated all at once.

We sat down on a couch. Kenzie wasn't going to have anything to do with it. I got Richelle to take off her shoes but she wouldn NOT go out on the mat and join anyone. In fact, if the child could have imploded into herself, I think Richelle would have done it. I've never seen her try to look so compact and small in her life.

I then told her to stand up in front of me, and to lift up her leg and hold it in a standing split. I told her to just trust me.

When she did it, all the kids  behind her went "WHOA!" They were impressed with her flexibility. That loosened her up. I told her, she may not know the punches or kicks, but the teachers and other students would help her learn. She also had to learn that no one was going to be hitting each other or kicking each other - no one touched or hurt another student. With that, she got on the mat. And as she began learning, she also impressed the teachers with her high and powerful kicking. This kid has so much talent and natural ability. By the end of the class she was begging me to sign her up for 3 months.

Later that evening, I was talking to Kenzie. I asked her if she wanted to try the martial arts as well... and she just shrugged her shoulders. I asked her if she thought she couldn't do it... and again the shoulder shrug. I told her to do a snap kick, and demonstrated it for her. (I know, I'm old and rickety, but I did a fairly decent imitation.)

She did it - perfectly. I made a big deal out of it and told her that she would find that many of the kids would not be able to do splits like Richelle, and many are just learning just like she would be... and that she should at least give it a try to really know if she would be passing up something she might really like.

The next night we went again, and this time Kenzie tried it. And SHE wanted to do it as well...

Roy talked to the kids and told them he'd sign them up for the three months as their Christmas gift - and they wouldn't be getting any more big gifts. They were just fine with that.

My hope is that they will work hard at this... I've seen a big change in both kids - but especially Richelle. She's wanted to do martial arts for so long - for her it's like a dream come true.

2011-11-24T06:59:00.001-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!

God bless and give you peace.

Catching up on the Halloween pics

2011-11-15T11:52:00.001-08:00

Gotta hand it to my girls - they had a blast at Halloween. Kenzie is the friendly devil, and Richelle decided to be a goth girl. She had the look down pat with attitude to match.

They are growing up too fast for me.

Slow in posting...

2011-10-11T06:55:00.000-07:00

Yes, it's been quite awhile... I have had to deal with mom's estate issues (still going on - waiting on the judge to make a decision regarding the guardianship checking account).

I thank God every day for all of my blessings - I may not list them specifically, but I do know that many of the blessings I am living with are there in front of me and sometimes, I may not recognize it at first. But I do know that my blessings are many.

I have been taking a class, called "Loving God With All Your Mind", by Elizabeth George. It talks about how to keep worry and anxiety at bay, how to look at what bothers you or what you think you know... how to let God guide your thoughts and actions so that you don't let worry or misunderstandings get in your way of living a happier life. The one thing I pray for daily is more patience with the kids.

So yesterday, when the kids were doing their homework, Richelle was crying and doing a little fit because she had to do two pages of homework, plus she had a small booklet to finish of math (to be finished by Wednesday because they are being tested on it). She was simply overwhelmed and feeling like she was never going to get it done - all she wanted to do was go outside to play.

I let her work through it, and then began checking her homework. I found mistakes and told her we needed to go over the work so I could show her what was wrong. She began to break down and cry.

She came over to me and I put my arms around her and said, "It's okay honey - you just misunderstood what they wanted from you. I'll sit with you and talk with you about it, so you can figure it out. And don't worry - God wants us to perservere. He loves us and wants what's best for us - and when we keep trying and work at it, he helps us. We'll get it done."

She nodded her head and sat back at the table, and I began to show her what problem was asking, and how to figure it (I do not give her the answers - I make her think it through). She began to settle down, and by the end of the first two pages, she actually volunteered to do two pages of the large pamphlet of homework. She began to feel better about her abilities.

The best part of my not getting pulled into the craziness of her breakdown was that I felt such peace inside - I felt such love and peace and was much happier myself - I was able to look at her pain in a different light. Thank you God for the lessons I am learning and love I feel for my children. Thank you for these amazing, beautiful girls who bring such light into my life.

For anyone who is not sure - I can tell you that parenting is 24/7 on-the-job training. You learn as you go. No number of parenting books will ever prepare you or help you with what is going to happen as your kids grow. But I have found that if I work with the Bible as my guide, and use God's word to live by - I can do much better as a mom than to allow my own anger or pride to take over and rule my heart. I've done that so much of my life - and I am not willing to allow that kind of life to continue - I don't want that attitude to teach my kids how to be when they grow up. I'll never be perfect, but I have to be better than that - and when I make a mistake, I hope I have enough sense to recognize it and apologize for those mistakes. That will help my kids realize that there is no perfect parent. But I love them and want to do my best, and if they realize that, they will hopefully come to me when they will need me the most in their lives.

Please, God, let me live long enough to help them develop a strong faith and reliance on you. Please let me be an example of that faith and reliance.

Who can stay quietest the longest?

2011-07-06T05:55:00.000-07:00

We went to Chicago to see Grandma Geri (for her 91st birthday). On the way back, we stopped at a Kentucky Fried Chicken we like to eat at every year.

Richelle was her usual self - chatter chatter chatter non-stop. We were laughing at how she was talking incessantly, and so she said "Let's play who can be quietest the longest. 1-2-3 Go!"

Game on, folks.

She did really well. Kenzie was the first to crack, and then me. Then Roy tried to get her to talk. First, he wrote a note saying, "Richelle is not allowed to talk until she is ten years old."

Richelle just gave him a look that said, "Seriously." Then tore the paper in half (with a rather dramatic flair).

We all began to laugh. A little time went by and Roy wrote another note. It said, "Maybe Richelle will forget how to talk."

With that, Richelle grabbed the pen and another napkin and began writing furiously:

"Are you out of your mind, Daddy and you are beginning to lose your laugh so you might as well go ahead and talk, ok? "

With that, I just lost it. I laughed so hard, tears streamed down my face and I began to get choked and then peed my pants. I haven't done that since I was in my 20's.

I'm telling you, with this kid, I'm seriously considering wearing adult diapers - she does this kind of funny stuff all the time, and I can ill afford to be carrying around an extra pair of underwear and pants all the time.

By the way, she lost the contest. She took one of the styrofoam plates, wrote "frisbee" on it and promptly stated for all to hear the word she just wrote.... then covered her mouth when she realized she broke the silence.

But one of these days, she's going to win - she's very competitive.

Mother is gone now

2011-07-03T08:32:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy with everything, I haven't been able to post about life.

Since March, I had noticed major changes in mom whenever I was at the nursing home to visit. Everytime I went, I usually brought grapes, bananas, or bought her snack crackers and a coke. I'd even help feed her the high protein shakes they would give her. She would always eat for me, and I'd make sure there were leftovers so she could have some of the things she loved later. No fresh fruit was ever given at the nursing home, and mom used to love to eat fresh fruit. I'd have to place the fruit between her fingers so she could put it in her mouth herself, but I wanted her to do as much as she could for herself.

But then there came a time when she couldn't eat without choking. And then later she would not be able to get off a subject - like counting by tens (but skipping 90 each time) or telling the kids to "stay in the white". She liked the white and wanted to go to the white. Have no idea what she was talking about, but I agreed with her and told her she could go to the white whenever she wanted.

Hospice became involved with mom's care at the beginning of May. The nursing home saw a failure to thrive in mom (they were there everyday and saw how she was going downhill). I was grateful that they were going to be there. When they went to interview mom, the woman in charge told mom she had talked with her daughter, Julie. She asked if there was anything she wanted her to tell me. Mom replied, "Yes. Tell her, I love her."

Later, the end of first week of May, I was told that hospice would be spending time with mom 24 hours a day. Although somewhere in my mind I understood this to mean that mom was failing and they thought she might be closer to dying, somehow I managed to push it out of my mind, thinking that it wasn't going to be soon.

On Saturday, May 7, I went with the girls to see her. We got there and no hospice person was there - and I called hospice to let them know that there was no one with her. Worse, she wouldn't wake up or respond. The nursing home staff and I tried to get her awake - usually she'd wake up and say hi. She might be tired and go back to sleep, but still she'd be able to wake up. This time - nothing. They even took a washcloth and wiped her eyes and face. She had no response to it. I asked the nurses if she'd been like this previously and asked if there was anything in her file stating that she was having espisodes of not responding. They said that she was talking and awake that morning, then checked the chart, but nothing was in there about her not responding. I called the hospice nurse and told her as well.

On Tuesday, May 10, the hospice nurse (whose name is Julie also) called to say they thought mom had had a stroke. She had a weakness on her right side, but was still able to talk, although it was different due to a weakness on her left side of her face. Julie held her cell phone up to mom's ear, and our conversation went like this:

Me: Hi Mom.
MOM: Hi
Me: How are you doing?
MOM: I'm fine. (this was mom's standard answer - she could be on fire and she'd still answer "I'm fine")
Me: I want you to know that I'll be coming to see you tomorrow. The kids will be home soon, so I'll have to wait until tomorrow. OK?
MOM: OK.
Me: I love you, mom.
MOM: I love you.

I was still able to lie to myself about how bad her condition was. I mean, after all, she was still talking, right?

I went to see her the next day, and found her profoundly changed. She could no longer squeeze my hand and she couldn't respond to any questions. I tried to feed her but she couldn't eat anything - she couldn't even suck any nourishment through a straw. I think my mind was numb at this point. I mean, after all, I'd seen times when she'd have trouble doing something, and then the next time I'd see her, she seemed better.  Why not this time, too?

Mom made a face when Julie gave her the medication under her tongue for pain (evidently it was truly nasty stuff, because mom made a face), then she literally tried to close her eyes shut and then rolled her eyes into her head to avoid the penlight Julie shined in her eyes to check the dilation of her pupils. There was little to no dilation. But that was the only responses we could get out of Mom.

The next morning, I was waiting for the water to heat up so I could make some coffee when I got a call from Julie. I was told that they felt mom was close to dying and I needed to get there soon if I wanted to be there.

Forget the coffee.

I called her best friend Phyllis, and she picked up mom's sister-in-law, Georgia.  When I got there, mom's lungs were filling with fluid, and she was rattling when she was breathing. I didn't know if she could hear me, but told her I was there, and that I loved her. Phyllis and Georgia came later. I simply sat there, watching as they took care of mom and tried to make things as comfortable as possible for her. Again, it just wasn't sinking in... denial is a strong force we use to cope with what is going on, and I was moving in and out of it that day.  I watched as her color turned to a bluish-purple in her extremeties, as the brain tried to pull all the blood to protect the major organs. After a couple of hours of listening to mom rattle away, she began to breathe more shallowly, with each breath further apart than the last. She took one final breath, and she was gone. All I could say was "I love you, mom. You can rest now. You were a great mother, and a wonderful grandma to the kids. You did all you could do for us. I love you."

Then there were tears, shock, and numbness.

I miss her so terribly. I would give anything for one more day of her wanting to be in the white again, although I guess metaphorically speaking, she is "in the white now."
I would take her counting by tens or just holding her hand and feeling her squeeze mine once in a while.

I miss her. I'll always miss her. Strangely, although a part of me grieves, and another part feels like a weight has been lifted.

A vacation from the blog...

2011-04-15T08:33:00.000-07:00

I have had a hiatus from blogging. It has been difficult to do anything here lately, with everything that is going on the last few months.

I have started going back to church and taking the girls with me. They love church, and the church we are going to is small and feels very cozy. Very much like family, rather than just people you see once a week.

I have been on this personal journey of examining my life and how I have caused many problems in my life.

I want to be a better mother. I know there isn't any such thing as a perfect mom, but I want to know that I'm "good enough". Trouble is, we never know as parents if we are doing the right things. One child will interpret the things you say or do one way, another child will interpret it in the exactly opposite way. I realized this when I examined closely how my brothers and I grew up. My mom might say something, to which I would just let it roll off my shoulders, but one brother took it to heart and it hurt him deeply.

I have to pray every day to God to help guide me. Sometimes I find myself regretting something I have done or said. The best thing I can do is apologize to my daughter(s) and explain why I believe I was wrong, and what I want to do better. I have explained many times that there is no perfect parent... no matter how great someone else's mom seems, they need to trust that that mother has her own issues and probably gets just as mad or frustrated with her kids as I can from time to time. Most of the time I get the biggest thrill from knowing and loving my kids, and they rarely disappoint.

The completely amazing thing to me is a child's ability to forgive... and to love you anyway. My children teach me more about what love is than any book can. And I am humbled by their love.

**********

I am coming to a better understanding about forgiveness. I had for years thought that forgiveness meant that I forget about the wrongs done to me. But that is not what it is about at all. You can have compassion for and understanding of why someone would hurt you or wrong you. It doesn't mean you should forget what they did or allow them back into your life without caution. Having compassion doesn't mean you allow someone to hurt you again and again. I need to love the people who hurt me, because they wouldn't have been doing the things they do without having had hurts done to them in their past. Whatever happened to them that led to their rationalizing their bad behavior, their outlook can be changed if they want it to be.

That is the issue. If they truly want to change, and are willing to see changes in me, then healing can really begin in relationships. And then, sometimes, the patterns are so deeply ingrained, we are blinded by our own self-interest or life-experiences that we fail to see the second (and third, or fourth, or fifth) chances that are given to us by the Grace of God. But one can always hope there will be a time for redemption.

As I said, I'm going through some soul searching and changes, and I'm a slow learner. But once it is there, once I understand, it takes hold and never lets go.

As I come to a fuller understanding of things, these realizations will be fuller as well. We all have these journeys to a more complete self - and while I am on mine, I need to keep my heart open to it.

Oh Pioneers!

2010-11-04T11:24:00.000-07:00

Kenzie's school had been studying pioneers and their history. One of the things they had to do was to create something that would represent what pioneer life was like. I'll have to get Kenzie to pose with her project. I was quite proud of her work - and she wants to finish the project.

Pioneer Days: Discover the Past with Fun Projects, Games, Activities, and Recipes

The school also encouraged the kids to dress up like pioneers for Wednesday. My mom had bought bonnets a long time ago when she had been enamored of the "country" look that had been popular in the 90's. I thought she was nuts at the time, but now I know that there is always a plan for all of this stuff. I also used an old apron of mom's from the 80's for the outfit. The only things I bought were the dress and boots (reusable). When you don't have a lot of money - you find ways to create.

The kids did speaking lines to talk about pioneers (each kid had a line to speak). They also sang a lot of old pioneer songs. It was fun to watch.

Then the really fun stuff began. They got out on the gym floor and danced. Oh my gosh! That was adorable to watch, and the kids had a lot of fun doing it. But by the end of the night, Kenzie was exhausted - as you can see.

Big update! Richelle finally lost her first tooth. Now she talks funny.

Halloween pics

2010-11-02T07:01:00.000-07:00

Of course, can't beat Halloween for dress up and pretend.

Kenzie was a vampiress (again) and after watching the movie The Karate Kid (with Jackie Chan) Richelle just had to dress up as a karate kid. The outfit is an actual karate outfit purchased from someone who advertised it in the local newspaper (her son was taking karate). I got it for $10... Just the way I like to buy things. I wanted to make her out to be a bloody mess, but Richelle opted only for the "black eyes".

She was more than happy to show off her standing splits...

And..... I voted today. Hope everyone makes their vote count.

She flies through the air with the greatest of ease....

2010-10-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

Kenzie jumping rope (and posing). She's like a gazelle. Or a flea (she can jump pretty high from a standing position... and she's in the 25th to 35th percentile range for height.

Richelle wasn't interested in jumping rope... she preferred the more sedate diversion of playing with sidewalk chalk. She showed me how she "blends" the colors together. Um... yeah.... now wash your hands.

Too much going on....

2010-10-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

Since the summer, there has been a lot happening. Too much for me to even contemplate just sitting and writing just to catch up the blog. I'm tired.

The kids finished up summer learning to swim a little. I was really pleased with the progress they made. Kenzie can hold her breath the longest of the two of them (they had contest after contest until we'd have to stop them and tell Richelle that she had to breathe for awhile to replenish her body and cells with oxygen - she just kept wanting to do it over and over immediately after she'd lost...). They got so they could swim a little more than halfway across the short end of the pool.

Mom had fallen and fractured her hip in June. No one realized it was fractured (at the time she fell, she only complained about hitting her head). However, after a while, she ended up not being able to walk or put any pressure on her feet because of the pain. When I took her to the emergency room, they did an x-ray, but it showed nothing. We had a very astute emergency room doctor, who said an MRI would show up any fractures that might be there, especially in the elderly. Sure enough, there it was.

They gave us a choice. Operate and put some pins and plates in the hip, or she could be bedridden for a long time to allow it to heal. Both had their downsides. They said they had a choice of doing an anesthetic given in the spine, which I preferred over a general anesthetic. If they could do that, it might help mom get over the operation quicker and wouldn't affect her mind as badly. If we opted for her to be laying in bed for what I was told could be months, she ran the risk of pneumonia and bed sores, plus her muscles could atrophy to the point she wouldn't be able to walk.

I thought I was choosing the lesser of two evils and opted for the operation, asking them to do the spinal if possible. The anesthesiologist tried to, but she had such bad arthritis in her spine, they couldn't get the needle through. They had to do general anesthesia.

This has exacerbated her dementia. She can no longer walk, toilet herself, dress herself, and can barely feed herself (she uses her fingers, she can't even use a utensil). We've had to move her from the assisted living home to a nursing home.

Worse, when she was there, she was highly agitated. She would want to go to bed. The nurses would take her and lay her down, and she's yell she didn't want to be in bed, she wanted to sit up in a chair. They'd put her in her wheelchair, and start to wheel her out and she'd yell, "What are you doing? Where are you taking me? I want to go to bed!"
Back and forth and back and forth. Same with going to the toilet or not going to the toilet, watching tv or not watching tv. I felt sorry for the nurses. They suggested that mom get some help from a program that is well-known in the area for helping seniors get their medications straightened out to help with these behavioral problems. However, there are some people whose behavioral problems have nothing to do with the medications and everything to do with the progression of their dementia. This is the third week mom has been at the clinic for behavioral issues, and still no word as to how it is going. I go to see her, but it seems it just agitates her because she can't see her granddaughters, and she wants to come live with me.

There are days I feel like I'm such a bad daughter. But my first priority is my family. I am taking care of mom as best as I can, given our limitations.

Kenzie and Richelle are back in dance and gymnastics. Kenzie is doing tap again, and she's really pretty good at it... she is also doing a class that teaches more tap steps and has the girls practicing those new steps every week. Richelle chose to do poms instead of tap this year. She is actually better at poms - and looks adorable doing it. She takes the poms quite seriously. I'll have to get some video of Kenzie in her gymnastics. She's finally learned how to kick herself over from a back bend. She's getting so much stronger.

And last but not least, there are the school pics. Richelle's looks like she's got a million dollar smile. Kenzie - I have no idea what happened to her. She looks like she wasn't too thrilled to be there. I had been telling her to part her hair on the side (that was the way the cut was supposed to be styled) but she insisted on pulling her bangs down in front. Poor baby... after seeing this pic, she's been styling it my way since then. She looks TONS better - too bad this didn't happen prior to school pics.

Video of the haircuts

2010-07-04T03:56:00.000-07:00

Thought I'd share the video of their haircuts. Richelle has this rubbery face that just seems to change constantly.

Both kids are wonderful about getting their haircut.

Millennial Makeover: MySpace, YouTube, and the Future of American Politics

Too busy!

2010-07-04T03:45:00.000-07:00

I have been busy since the last post... too busy, as a matter of fact. Roy had the girls scheduled to be here there and everywhere during the summer... and that meant mama had to jump all over the place...
The girls started swimming lessons again this year. They are becoming more comfortable with the water, but they need a lot more time to trust that if they do what they are told, the water will hold them up. Richelle finally learned how to float, but can't kick very well or use her arms and hands properly. Kenzie can't float, but has a strong kick and can hold her breath forever (well, it seems like it to me!). Kenzie finally got over holding her nose every time she went into the water, which means she'll be learning how to do that forward crawl soon.

Then there was the matter of their hair... Both the girls' hair was getting horribly dry and brittle with the chlorine in the water. I wondered if the chemicals they were using were worse than usual, because we didn't have this problem last year. However, no matter what shampoo we tried, it just didn't help. So it was haircut time. Actually, Roy decided that they needed a haircut - it's going to be an extremely hot summer, and the kids were coming home all sweaty and red-faced every day.

We went uber short. For Richelle, the look was great. Kenzie just has that face that begs for longer hair... so as it grows out, we'll probably not cut it much shorter than a bob again... unless I find a better style that frames the side of her face. I let the kids pick the hairstyle they wanted from some I found on the internet.

388 Great Hairstyles

The kids have to admit... they are a lot cooler and feel a lot better with the new do's, but they still love their long hair. Can't blame them... they are waaaay cute in the longer style.

In Defense of the Teacher and Richelle

2010-05-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure if I got spanked or not... LOL! I think I should set some things straight... there may have been a misunderstanding with a reader. I value her opinions and her insights, and am fascinated by the stories she tells... but I think perhaps I need to go into more detail about the teacher in question and what happened with Richelle's buying with money not her own something for a classmate.

In defense of the teacher, she did not call Richelle any names or label her. What she did was talk to Richelle about how taking something that didn't belong to her without that person's permission is stealing. That is a fact. The teacher has never, over the course of the year, seen Richelle buy stuff at school, and the fact that she did it and bought something that she didn't need (I just bought her a new journal recently) that would be fairly expensive (by a child's standard) made the teacher wonder what was going on... and she wanted to make sure that there wasn't a problem. I am willing to bet she told Richelle she would be telling us what happened - this teacher is older and a bit more old-fashioned, and I like that; she won't hide anything from a parent. Parents need to know what is going on so they can properly parent their children.

I have to applaud the teacher, because I do not want in any way to have a child think they can do something like take money from us without asking permission and get away with it. We talked to Richelle about the fact that in the future, if she wanted something, she needed to ask us permission for it... we usually say yes (such as when they have book orders - we pretty much let the kids pick what they want, but we do set limits on how much can be spent).

I grew up in a close neighborhood, and everybody looked out for each other. When any of us kids did something that the parents knew wasn't right, they got hold of the offending child's parents and told them what was going on. It was up to the parents to discipline or punish their child. Believe me, we grew up knowing that we would "get it" if we did something wrong (and got caught, which was more than likely, given that the neighbors and our parents were pretty sharp about what we were up to). And if we hurt someone else in the process of breaking a rule or what was considered generally accepted practices, we had to apologize and make it right.

I agree that Richelle had to have learned some survival strategies in the orphanage to have gotten attention and to have some sense of self... I am probably more lenient in some ways because of that... but the point is, she needs to learn early what will or will not be acceptable behavior and actions in society (that starts out early as the family, and then extends to the school, the neighbors, the community, etc.). And explaining to her and labeling the action as what it is (in this case, taking something without permission is stealing) she can understand what she did wrong. We can't wait until some time later to teach her these things. I cannot make excuses for her just because she came from an orphanage.

She had a rotten start in life. No child should be separated from their parents, IMO, unless the parents are abusive or unable to care for their child properly. She will be fighting those learned habits and life skills from the orphanage most of her life... if we don't start teaching her the appropriate life skills that are accepted in the society she lives in now, it will be harder for her to change from what she learned from living in an orphanage.

Both my husband and I have compassion for the reason she did it... to help her friend. We both believe that the child in question is a friend of Richelle's and not just someone whose friendship Richelle is trying to buy. Roy has observed the two of them together, and says they genuinely like each other and play well together. We also have compassion for teaching her what will help her to live a good life in the future... I don't want to ignore any of this and later in life get a call from the police telling me that she was caught shoplifting - just because her "friend" needed a skirt, or whatever. The underlying message is still the same... we don't take what isn't ours.

She has had to deal with and learn a whole new way of life. She came into the family still trying to use her old ways from the orphanage - it's all she knew. She has learned a lot over the past 18 months, but the old ways are ingrained and have a way of sneaking back into her life. As I've said, it will take many iterations of the message for it to finally embed itself as deeply into her brain as her former orphanage habits have.

All this reminds me of a story.

I remember that when I was 20, I was living with my cousins. They had a 3 year old boy, whom I adored... he was such a sweet child. One Thanksgiving, we were gathered at my grandmother's house and cooking the meal in the kitchen. Andy (not his real name) was pushing people in the butt saying "Out of my way!" as we went through the kitchen.

I stopped him and said, "Andy, if you want people to move for you, you need to say 'Excuse me, please'. Can you say that for me?" He did, and immediately his grandmother (my aunt) said, "He doesn't have to say that. He can do what he wants."

I told her if he didn't learn how to have proper manners now, when he was young, not only would it be harder for him to learn them later, but he will most likely not appreciate other things in his life.

One thing led to another and my aunt just went a little too far. She began berating me, saying it was no wonder no one would marry me (I mean c'mon, I was 20 and not interested in getting married at the time... even though I'd had three marriage proposals from the time I had been 16). I decided if she was going to be a bitch, I could dish it out as well (we DO come from the same gene pool). I told her it was a wonder that her husband stayed married to her - that he probably had someone on the side to make life bearable. Little did I know I hit the nail on the head.

Well, I got what I deserved with that one... she went ballistic and began to smack me about the face and shoulders with her fists - to which my brother Richard stepped in (the one time he was on my side... imagine that) and grabbed her wrists telling her "You will not hit my sister!" (My hero...) All the time she is cursing him and me and... well, things broke down from there. Everyone, and I mean everyone, took my side on this, and she was alone in her opinion. However, that didn't help Andy any.

He grew up to be a young adult dependent on his grandmother. She was about to put a second mortgage on her house because he was in default on a truck he had bought (and couldn't afford in the first place) when she died. He was left with nothing. I don't know if he has grown up since, but I know he had not been able to keep a job since he had been working. Even after she died, he had trouble keeping jobs. Maybe today he has learned to take care of himself... but I have lost track of him. But I do believe that if you bring your kids up right, there is less likely a chance of this happening. It was almost inevitable that this kid was going to fail, because no one taught him the kind of life lessons that would help him understand how to be grateful, how to be independent, and how to show others that they matter. It was just all about him and what he could get. And my aunt (and Andy's parents to a good extent) were responsible for how this turned out.

Teach your kids when young!

Sneaking. Stealing. Lying.

2010-05-20T07:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my husband got an email from Richelle's teacher. It said that Richelle had bought some items (four pencils and a journal) from the school store, and when asked where she got the money, she finally told the teacher that she took it from home without us knowing it... that it had been her father's money. Her teacher had a discussion with Richelle about stealing.

I thought something was up that morning when she took her back pack upstairs and was holding a small purse of hers (that had been filled with coins - we knew she'd taken it from Roy's can of coins he has, but weren't worried about it at that time). I didn't pay it any real attention, just kind of made a mental note of it. I went about my business while urging them to get ready to go out to the bus.

Then the email. When she got home, she started taking things out of her backpack, and then got a furtive look on her face, and held her backpack tight to her while she said she was going upstairs. I asked that she give me her backpack, which she was reluctant to do.

I pulled out the purse full of coins. I asked her if she bought anything today, and she said yes. When pressed for what, she showed me two pencils. I told her that her teacher had emailed us and told us it was more than that. She admitted that she bought two more pencils and a journal. I asked to see it... and she said she gave it to one of her friends at school.

There were tears welling up in her eyes at this point. I asked why she would give it to her friend, and Richelle explained that she only had one page left in her journal and she wanted to give her another one. And she wanted to give her a couple of pencils. This is her friend, after all.

My heart went out to her, but I had to go on. I told her to come upstairs with me. She began crying in earnest at this point.

We went to the living room couch and I put her on my lap. She was nothing but a puddle of tears - so Kenzie and I removed her shoes and I held her. I told her it wasn't her job to buy things that the kids need for school, and she shouldn't have sneaked out money to do so. If she needed something or wanted something, she should ask us, not take money that wasn't hers.

She said she didn't want us to know about it. I told her that's exactly how sneaking and lying are - doing something you don't want someone to know about. From now on she was to talk to us about it.

She really is trying to be a good kid - but she gets some things wrong once in a while... and her intentions (if her explanation was really what happened) were good, if not misguided a bit. She always has had a good heart.

Roy is still punishing her... three days without any TV. I told Roy that perhaps what we should be doing after this is having the kids do chores and paying them an allowance. That way, they would feel they have some control over things they want. And we could use it to teach them to save a little, put some aside for charity, and then they would have some for spending any way they want to. It will be good to try and instill good money habits now while they are young, rather than them trying to figure it out when they get older.

To be continued.

Dance Recital - the Video

2010-05-12T07:21:00.000-07:00

Here's the video. Richelle is selling it - really emphasizing the steps. Kenzie is her usual demure self. She didn't like the music at all... can't blame her. Yellow Submarine wasn't exactly a favorite Beatles song of mine either... but the outfits rock...

Recital was Saturday

2010-05-10T06:35:00.000-07:00

The kids' recital was Saturday - and they looked so beautiful. I had to put makeup on them so their faces wouldn't look all washed out on stage... I don't do a dramatic enough job to really make it work well onstage - but if the kids are going to continue to dance, then I'll have to learn. The song they danced to was Yellow Submarine, which the kids really didn't like very well... it just didn't grab them like the Charleston did for Kenzie last year.

I will have a video up later, probably tomorrow. Somehow, a circuit at the house tripped and my home computer doesn't work right now. I brought everything to Panera to download and edit the video on my laptop, but (STOOOPID STOOOPID STOOOPID!!!!!!) I forgot the 4 pin to 4 pin cable to connect the camcorder to the computer. I'm kicking myself as I say this... GRRRRRRR!!!!!! Otherwise, it would have been uploaded today.

But - I DO have pictures I took on that day before they danced. And as a proud mama - I think they look gorgeous! The little ladies are shining through. I am so proud that they are doing the things I didn't get a chance to. I don't want to live through them, but I do want them to do things that they are interested in. They get a chance to discover things I never did - I want them to know they have numerous opportunities available to them, and if they put for the effort, they can accomplish anything. Dance is a great way to teach them that.

Whatever happpened to AuntSpode8899?

2010-05-05T07:25:00.000-07:00

I hadn't heard from this person in awhile, and usually when I post a video on Youtube, she would reply quickly. I was hoping to get some insight into a couple of the vids... I always look forward to hearing from her. She has given me a lot to think about. But I checked her account on Youtube and it was closed. I hope everything is okay.

Gotta tell you, I miss her. I enjoyed reading what she had to say.

Like a favorite blankie...

2010-04-27T12:05:00.000-07:00

I have to thank my friends. You are like my favorite blankie - one that I love to wrap myself up in when I'm feeling cold or tired or down-hearted. Having all of you to be there and support me is a great feeling.

I love that people from our adoption group read the blog and post their support.

I love that others who share an interest in raising their children (bio or adopted) read the blog and share their support.

I love that other Chinese around the world read this blog and give me so much insight into our children's heritage and what it means to be Chinese. I can't give them that, but I can share your perspectives and messages. They will get some idea, at least.

You are all such a blessing.

As my blood relations dwindle in size through death or insufferable differences in philosophies and opinions, I find my family resides in you. I don't need blood to make a family...

Strange comments won't get posted

2010-04-27T07:52:00.000-07:00

OK, I have to admit, there are a lot of things I won't tolerate.

I don't mind having this blog open so others can read about our daughters and see how they are doing. And I don't mind people leaving comments - relevant comments - about the posts.

However, there are some comments coming to me with their website embedded in their comment, or it is all in Chinese or some other Asian script, and since I don't know what is being said, and for goodness sake, folks, I can't tell what the meaning of the comment is when using an online translator... I'm not going to post it.

No matter how many times you guys try - it won't get posted. I go to the embedded websites to see what it is, and personally, I think it looks like soft porn, or an intro to a pornographic site. I can't tell, because I can't read it. But as long as I'm unsure, I won't post your comment.

Enough is enough. This is about my children - not your effing porno websites and your eff-ed up notion of how you want to portray Asian women. Why would anyone who is Asian want to have their women portrayed as whores, sluts and tramps?!!!!!!

It's time for the world to wake up. I am NOT a feminist - that is for sure - but I believe in women and their power to shape the world (the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world). I don't mean in a boardroom or as a CEO. Women have so much power over themselves and their children and (yes) even their husbands (if they know how to work it - with husbands, sex can be a beautiful thing, and very empowering, just by giving in to his masculinity. I am talking about a husband who loves you and cherishes you, not some creep who is using you, OK?).

I also believe that it's time for all of us to not stereotype Asian women. From the old movies to the current ones, Asian women are portrayed as cheap whores or evil dragon ladies - rarely is there a positive role for them. The time when we would think that the only thing they could say is "Ooooh, me so horny! Five dollah me love you long time." is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya hear me, Hollywood? If that is how you want to portray a race of women - then I can say that you aren't worth the money to buy the dvd third-hand, let alone see it in a theater. Very little good comes out of Hollywood, anyway.

I have two beautiful, SMART, funny and engaging daughters, and they are Chinese. They are going to have to work much harder to gain respect because of how Asians are portrayed in movies and on the internet. Worse - the thing that breaks my heart - is that the Asian women themselves denigrate their own integrity, beauty and worth as women to that of a cheap whore (go on Youtube and see what they are doing... it is so sad). Because of you, my daughters will have to fight these images even harder.

I'm just so pissed off right now. Women in general need to wake up. If you make your value as a person only worth what kind of sexual pleasure you give to others who have no interest in you other than the prurient, then you value yourself too cheaply. Trouble is, you also devalue the rest of us as well.

Strategy games

2010-04-21T07:16:00.000-07:00

I think I've mentioned that we gave Richelle one of my old laptops after putting Windows 7 on it. Well, she's been exploring it.

She found a ton of games on it... and the one she loves to play (and has me scratching my head) is chess.

Now, my daddy loved to play chess. He loved the strategy and planning involved in making just one move. He always told me that you had to think several moves ahead in making up your mind which move to make.

I never caught on, even though he tried his best to teach me. But I found it boring... I had no patience and would get mad if I got my men captured and didn't win... I just had no stomach for it as a child. So I never really learned how to play the game.

However, Richelle found the chess game on her computer and LOVES it. She wants to play it all the time when she plays on the computer.

And she got a big kick out of playing the game for real - with game pieces and all. So, I need to get online and search for the rules of chess (I've forgotten most of it... and can't remember a lot of the moves, other than how each individual piece moves). It would be great if she developed a love of the game and continued with the play.

Although Spring is finally here... I am not feeling the love yet. I am having a bout with ennui - just not enough stimulation. I helped Roy with some of his tax prep when it got down to crunch time... but it's not enough. We're planning on what to do with the kids for the summer... and that's not enough. I'm not sure that there is anything I can do that will get this boredom out of my system. We took the kids to the zoo - that was fun - but they spent more time playing on the playground and eating than they did looking at animals. What the heck - it's their time to do what they like - what matters is that they have fun.

Oh good grief! A guy just came walking into Panera with his hair all colored bright green. I'm sure that makes him feel like he's "special." On that note, I'm going to skeedaddle and get ready for tonight. I have to work the carnival for the elementary school serving food.

Yay.

Told you I had ennui, didn't I?

Warm days are welcome here...

2010-03-16T01:17:00.000-07:00

It's just not warm here at all... The playground pics below are from the week before spring break... and we are treasuring each warm day as it comes, even if all we get to do is go outside and blow bubbles. But to get out to the park is paramount. However, spring break didn't allow for much fun during the week - it was cold and damp.

Seems Spring is going to be coming in spurts, with several days of cold, wet weather in between. Waaaaah! (Yes, I'm whining a bit... but don't tell Kenzie. She's my whiner and I tell her all the time I don't like whining, which I don't, but if she knew I did it, it would be all over with trying to teach her not to.)

During Spring Break, we went downtown to eat lunch one day and to walk around. We stopped at one of the bollards downtown and the girls posed for pics... with a pic of the courthouse (and the fast traffic) in the background. They insisted on getting on top of the bollard - and I don't think I want them to do it again - it was just too scary for me as the cars rushed past. Quite frankly, the worst that could have happened was they'd fall off onto the sidewalk - they've taken falls from higher up than that.

Then, Richelle had her 6 year old well child checkup. Uh.... 50th percentile in height, 75-90th percentile in weight. She now officially weighs more than Kenzie, even though big sis is a year older. Let's just say the kid loves to eat.

Last year, she got 5 shots... and then I thought she was done for a long time. Turns out she had to get 4 more shots. That was a hard sell... I had to hold her down and man! Did she fight it and scream bloody murder. But prior to that, the girls were goofing off at the doctor's office. Oh, turned out Kenzie needed a shot, too. She just cried so pitifully. I felt so bad for both of them.

I have to say, the last picture here tells me what a beautiful young woman Kenzie is going to grow up to be... I took a long, hard look at it and I can see the young woman she is becoming. Richelle... there's still so much of the baby in her... I don't yet see the young woman yet.

Here's to hoping the warm weather will be here to stay soon. But even this weekend looks like it will be rather cool and damp. C'mon April - it's just got to get better.

6 Years Old!!! And a heron....

2010-02-28T10:50:00.000-08:00

Richelle had her party yesterday. She had a few friends show up for the roller skating - and the kids had a great time. She kept saying all day "I'm the birthday girl."

Wished I'd had a video camera that day - Richelle was really speeding along roller skating, and having the time of her life. Here are some pics to show for it.

Finally, this morning, when coming back from taking my mother her medication, I saw a HUGE bird flying down to a small pond in our area. I pulled over and got my camera out to see a blue heron. Took some pics of it. I was surprised that it didn't fly away as I approached the pond... but it simply watched me. I didn't go too close - I didn't want it to fly away - but being early morning and heavily overcast, and only having my Sony Cybershot available, I wanted to take advantage of whatever pic I could get.

I love big birds.

Year of the Tiger

2010-02-23T06:58:00.000-08:00

I'm late in posting this. Last Saturday, we had our FCC celebration for the Lunar New Year. As anyone probably knows by now, it's the year of the Tiger. The girls still have some Chinese silks that fit... and I wish I'd bought a ton of silk dresses when we were there last. I can only hope we'll return to China again soon for a vacation trip and to connect with our daughters' orphanages.

Anyway - back to now. I have some really cute pics of the girls from that night. They were in seventh heaven running around in their silks. Richelle looked at herself in the mirror and was proud to be a Chinese girl. I'm glad they take such joy in their heritage and their race.

Another Snow Day...

2010-02-16T04:22:00.000-08:00

Oh joy. Oh rapture.

If they are having trouble clearing the roads, strap a snow plow onto my Accord and let me help.

Please.

No, really..... PLEASE!!!!!

Snow Day

2010-02-15T14:09:00.000-08:00

Last night when I went to bed, it was just spitting snow... nothing to even give a second thought to. Overnight, I think we got around 5 inches... and it has continued to snow all day - I would bet the total accumulation to this minute is around 7-8 inches. It is expected to continue snowing and there is supposed to be flurries tomorrow morning.

The kids have been pining for snow... and Roy got a very rare day off from work, so as he is shoveling snow for the second time today, the kids are outside wallowing in the white stuff and pummeling their dad with whatever makeshift snowballs they can get together. (The snow is very powdery.) Richelle literally fell face first in it - falling as if she were a board, on purpose.

Richelle's cheeks turn red the second she's in the cold. Kenzie is really more interested in shoveling the driveway with dad...

Just the way God made her

2010-02-12T08:25:00.000-08:00

I just got through sending out birthday party invites for Richelle's birthday party. I sure hope some kids show up... it seems Richelle doesn't get along well with some of the other kids. But then, I don't think it's all her fault. A lot of the kids her teacher has this year seem to have problems with their behavior. One girl had scratched Richelle on her stomach and back. Another likes to write on her desk with markers. Some kids like to steal away her toys she is playing with during tub time.

Of course, Richelle isn't an angel, either. Last time I got a note from the teacher about Richelle, it said she was sticking her fingers in everyone's food at lunch time. How nice. I just hope she washed her hands before lunch.

I'm just glad these kids have 12 more years to grow up a little before they are legally called "adults".

I remember when I turned six... I had a birthday party. I hated it. My mom bought all these really cool toy gifts for the kids who came. I got stuff, but what I really wanted with all my heart was a play makeup kit. If I had gotten one, I just know mom would have thrown it away or given it to some other kid. All I wanted was to be a girly-girl... and I felt so un-girly. Go figure. I kind of think Richelle is a lot like that. She wants all the fru-fru dresses, and to wear lipstick & fingernail polish, and to have her hair done in ponytails or bows. She loves all the frills of being a girl.

I guess I'm guilty of trying to make sure she has the nice things little girls seem to love. I don't want her to feel like I did when I was a kid. I don't dress her up like a prostitot... but a little sheer lip gloss doesn't hurt if it makes her feel pretty.

They funny thing is that Richelle has been asking why there are differences in the way she and Kenzie look. I've told her that that is the way God made her. That she is perfect just the way she is and this is how she is supposed to look. I have to say that where Kenzie is thin and muscular, Richelle is padded with a little extra baby fat. So, I was shocked when she said to her daddy last night, "I can't help if I have big boobies, because that's the way God made me. Right, mommy?"

Oye!

Guardianship

2010-02-05T12:59:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was the final guardianship hearing for my mother.

Richard, Bill, and Erica were there. As my lawyer, Roy, and I walked off the elevator, I saw Richard talking on his cell phone. I hadn't seen him since Dad's memorial... and my first impression was Jabba the Hut with really ugly designer glasses.

Richard must not be doing well, because he looked terrible.

Richard was angry that his lawyer wasn't there. Evidently, Richard tried to tell the judge that he was unaware of the very court date he was at, that he hadn't received any notice about the court date... what the???? He said his attorney told him to ask for a continuance. (That was what Bill had asked for at the first court date.) He also told the judge that his attorney had filed some kind of motion with the court.

The judge told Richard that he hadn't received any filings from the attorney and no notice that there would be any representation. Then the judge called Richard's lawyer, putting him on speaker phone, and talked with him about what kind of motion he had filed and why he wasn't at the court. The lawyer told the judge he didn't know about the court date, it was his impression that guardianship had already been conferred and they were going to sue for co-guardianship or at the very least request that they get a semi-annual accounting of mom's finances.

While the lawyer was on the phone, the judge said he was ready to rule and grant guardianship to me with no restrictions. Richard didn't understand what that meant, so the judge gave Richard time to go out into the hall outside the courtroom to call his lawyer and ask him what it meant.

When Richard came back, he said he agreed to the judge's ruling. So I am now mom's guardian, no restrictions.

The judge warned them that if they wished to sue for c0-guardianship, they needed to do so promptly... something the judge said three times to them.

We gave the court all kinds of documentation... a list of and copies of cash receipts, mileage log (beginning in September when mom was moved into Sterling house), an accounting of her checking account receipts and expenditures, a list of her assets and their value, and copies of mom's Mini Mental Status Exams she has taken over the last 2 years. Those copies also went to Richard and Bill.

When it was all over with, my lawyer, Roy and I were talking in the hallway about what happens when they sue for co-guardianship. She was explaining to me what to expect when Richard comes up and says, "You look great!" and "Give me a hug."

OMG. I had no idea what to say. Here is someone who in the last several emails was so vile to me that I just had to shake my head in disbelief - and now he was acting like everything was peachy. That is typical of Richard. Say anything you want to anyone who is in your way, and then everyone is supposed to just let it go and act like everything is fine. What, you only hate my guts in emails, but we can be lovey-dovey sibs outside of the ether world?

I won't go into what happened, but suffice it to say neither Richard nor I are going to change in our stances to each other. My attorney told me that she thought I was crazy for filing for guardianship when I had power of attorney - but when she saw what I was dealing with, she then understood why I took this step.

PJ Day -AGAIN????? Kindergarten teachers think I'm stupid. I'll retort, you decide.

2010-01-21T10:46:00.001-08:00

Below is a comment that was left on my PJ Day post from a kindergarten teacher called Jmac :

Julie,

I am a kindergarten teacher and I just want to say that your message made me very sad! The thing is that there are a lot of bad and evil things in this world and if you are always looking for them.. you certainly will find them.. PJ day is FUN... you can look at it any way you want, but kids are kids! And they should not be expected to behave like adults.

Sometimes we have to look at the world from a childs perspective! Can you not see the silliness of PJ's and how that could make school that much more fun. Silliness and happiness is contagious in a school!

I came across your blog when I was looking for child and parent PJ day activies... Was I ever shocked to read your blog!

OH wow... that is classic. Your indoctrination into the liberal mindset of public school thinking has been complete and thorough. They must be very proud of you.

You know something like this has me wriggling with anticipation and I just have to answer, since she got everything all wrong. So Jmac - this is for you, baby!

It is laughable how you are unable to discern the actual gist of my post – comparing my post on PJ day to looking for things that are evil or bad. That may be your interpretation of my post – but not what was stated at all. And it's laughable how so many kindergarten teachers feel the need to talk down to me and figuratively wag their fingers in my virtual face like I'm a bad girl.

Ooooh hoo hoo hoo baby, I AM one bad mama-jama.

What was said specifically about PJ Day is that it is inappropriate and that wearing PJ’s outside of the home is taboo. It just ain’t done sweetie. Or are you going to tell me that you wear PJ’s to the store or mall to go shopping, or to work to teach the kiddies…???

Nope, didn’t think so. And you know why? Do I have to reiterate this again? I guess so. It’s not appropriate, and we just don’t do it (that’s the taboo part, honey.) The fact that you say this post made you sad sounds like maybe you need to be taking a little prozac for your mental health… may I suggest you get yourself to your nearest psychiatrist as soon as possible so you can deal with those feelings?

I mean, really…

It's because kids are kids - and not adults - that I make these choices for my girls and go about my business as a parent teaching my daughters how to think critically about things. I do NOT go for the "if it feels good, do it" philosophy - that is what excuses people from analyzing their actions and the possible consequences, and that is exactly what gets them into trouble. I do not ask my kids to be adults, but I am preparing them for the future when, as early as their preteens, their reasoning faculties will be tested by their peers trying to get them to do something the other kids are doing because "it's fun". Can you get my drift now? Sometimes you need to be able to discern what is really fun (and safe) and what is perceived as fun (but will get you into trouble) because you just don't want to be left out.

I'm sure you've heard this phrase: "If all your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you?" THAT was all of our mamas trying to teach us critical thinking.

My dear, I have to ask you, at what point do you suggest that children learn critical thinking? Would you suggest they don't need to learn how to analyze situations and make assessments and judgments regarding those situations? Or are we going to wait until they get into their preteens or teenage years to try to instill in them the ability to understand what the consequences will be when they make their choices?

The earlier you begin to teach a child a thing, the more they internalize that teaching.

Let’s save the “shock” for something that really deserves it, such as, the day you find out one of your kids is being molested by a family member or neighbor. Now that’s shocking. It appears liberals are easily shocked by anything that doesn't conform to their views of what is normal, okay, "right", etc.

I will agree that silliness is contagious in school – seems the so-called adults are getting sillier all the time. (That means, y’all aren’t exactly basing your decisions on how to have fun at school by using a little common sense.) I think we had a better education system when we stuck to the basics instead of coming up with "new and improved" ways to educate kids. And let's not ignore how teachers now spend as much time trying to correct behavioral problems that stem from no discipline (or poor discipline) in the schools and home, which further degrades the quality of the education our kids are getting.

What I can “see” is the inane “logic” of the school officials for doing something that has no business in education. Understand, sweetie? PJ’s are not necessary in order to teach part of the curriculum. One can learn to read and appreciate Dr. Seuss in other ways.

Hey - I got an idea! How about a mismatch day – where kids can wear nonsense clothes and look silly, the way the characters in Dr. Seuss stories do - that cuts out the questionable clothing issue altogether, as long as underwear isn’t worn on the outside of clothes.

Damn! With that kind of logic, I think I missed my calling. (I can hear my friends in the background yelling at me not to quit my day job. Thanks for the reality check - that's why you're my friends.) By the way, I have many liberal friends, but they haven't opened their minds so much that their brains have fallen out. The ones that I can count as my friends are those who use common sense to make their decisions about their beliefs and their kids. I really love those people! We don't have to see eye to eye, but at least their beliefs are based on something that can be quantified by reasoning, not their feelings.

By the way – are you a mother? You note you teach kindergarten, but fail to tell me if you are a mother. I always love it when I write something about my kids and how I'm raising them and people who have never raised a child go about telling me how I do it all wrong. That’s pretty laughable, too.

I find it "laughable" how so many teachers jump to the conclusion that I am somehow incapable of understanding what the intent or purpose of PJ Day is… yeah, ya want the little boogers to have a fun time, let their little imaginations run amok… but it is my belief that parents need to intervene more often and tell the schools that there are just some things that aren’t acceptable. Too many parents abdicate that responsibility, or are afraid they will be ridiculed. They don't want to make waves or be labeled as a trouble-maker.

Go ahead – make fun of me, denigrate me, make it sound like I am the spawn of hell, tell me what a fuddy duddy I am. I'll be the first to admit I'm not a perfect parent - kids don't come with instruction books that tell us how to raise them. It's learn as you go.

But go ahead, tell me how I just don't "get it". I can take it. What about you?

Jmac, I'd love to know how you made the leap from my post to the extremes you stated in your comment. Couldn't you just read it for what it is, instead of projecting your highly indoctrinated way of thinking into it? I thought teachers went to college and eventually had to get a Masters degree in order to stay in their teaching jobs – wouldn’t that suggest that you had to have some kind of critical thinking skills of your own?

Perhaps not. I knew a young woman who had her Master’s degree in education (wanted to be a teacher) and she couldn’t tell the difference between the formula for figuring out perimeter versus how to figure square footage, no matter how many times I showed it to her or explained it to her. Well, I’ll chalk that up to me not being able to teach at all… I know how to do the math, but passing that on to another person is just not my forté. But if she was any example of what our colleges were turning out for childhood education and she was supposedly qualified to teach elementary school kids - then it's no wonder America's education system is in the toilet.

A good teacher would never disparage a parent for doing what they think is right for their child... you are not accountable for those kids' lives... unless there is a darn good reason you think you should intervene (suspicions of abuse). You need to respect the parents and their knowledge of their kids (whom most have raised from birth - not you) and they have a better handle on what they want to teach their kids. You do not have the ultimate responsibility of raising the child. You get that child for a few hours in the day, five days a week (not accounting for snow days and holidays and teachers' conferences, Christmas Break, Spring Break, yadda yadda yadda), for nine months out of the year. But we, the parents, are ultimately responsible for what these kids learn about life and the choices we make.

I guess I get ticked off that the (public) schools and their faculty tend to focus on the short term without any regard for the bigger picture.

As for looking at the world from a child’s perspective, I think we have a handle on the fun stuff for our kids. Our kids do roller skating, take dance lessons & gymnastics, play dress up at home, take swimming lessons and go to the pool in the summer, take them to a children’s museum every chance we get, go to the park and play on the equipment – and they have just about every kind of toy and game one can imagine – and they still prefer to play with the simple cardboard box over the fancy doll house, or play outside with bubbles on a warm day.

One day of not being with their friends to participate in what has become some kind of goofy ritual isn’t going to scar their little psyches.

2009-12-28T12:22:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas to everyone... hope you enjoyed as much as the kids did.

Roller skating

2009-12-14T08:21:00.000-08:00

I took the kids to a local roller skating rink to have them learn how to skate. They went to a friend's birthday party a little over a month ago at the rink and they loved it - even though they fell more than they skated...

It looks like the one lesson they had worked well for Kenzie - she was "skating" around the rink and not falling (much). She can't quite pick the feet up yet, but she does the in-and-out movement with her feet and she moves forward the whole time. She had a smile on her face the whole time she was there.

Richelle on the other hand, was more interested in the games and vending machines. Can we say, distracted by shiny objects?

Someone wants to be like me

2009-12-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

She's my mini-me, only a whole lot better looking.

Catching up

2009-12-04T07:35:00.000-08:00

I haven't blogged in awhile... I've been busy with preparations for the court date for my having filed for guardianship of mom.

The court date was December 1, and we were not expecting any problems at that time. But when we got there, my brother Bill (the youngest in the family) was there with his wife. Bill was dressed like a pimp... Grey patent leather shoes, pin-striped suit, and the pimp fedora. OHhhhhh, Yeahhhh!

The judge happened to be one that had had dealings with Bill previously (I believe he was the judge in the foreclosure proceedings against Bill - he'd lost his house back in 2007). Bill told the court that he'd just gotten hold of his lawyer that morning, and said his lawyer told Bill to ask for a continuance. The judge asked who his lawyer was and then tried to get hold of the lawyer to check on Bill's story, and only got an answering machine. (Sounds like a one man show to me.)

The judge asked if there was any reason to stop the proceedings at that point, but my lawyer asked that the witnesses be allowed to testify at that time. We started with our witnesses, and the minute one of them stated something Bill didn't like, he made an audible gasp as though he had just caught her in a lie (Oh, the drama of it all!) and the judge came down on him and told him that this was not an informal setting, and that he was to purport himself in a manner appropriate to the court proceedings.

This isn't one of the TV versions of small claims court. This was a genuine court proceeding and loud noises are out of order.

Each witness testified that I had been the one who was caring for mother all those years that she needed help. Bill questioned one witness about whether she remembered how Bill used to go to her house and mow her lawn and help her around the house. She said yes. I whispered to my lawyer that she should ask how much he charged to mow her lawn. She did, and the witness stated that mom had told her Bill was charging her $50 each time he did it. Yeah, he such a great son. Bill never did anything for mom without having a dollar sign attached to it.

Then I got up on the stand. I was asked several questions by my attorney... and then Bill asked some questions. He brought up the time when I filed for a protective order. Neither my lawyer nor the judge stopped the questioning, so I answered that yes, I had filed for a protective order against Richard. I explained why as well.... Richard's apparent instability, prior history, and that I had a child to protect against any possibility that he might try to harm me, and in doing so, would possibly harm my daughter.

I also told Bill that the date for either him or Richard to have said anything about either me or mom lying about what Richard had said, which lead up to my filing for the order of protection, was the court date back in 2006. They could have come then and plead their side of the case at that time. I hate to tell them, but the "Liar Liar Pants on Fire" charges at this time are not appropriate for these proceedings and have nothing to do with guardianship for mother.

Bill was given a chance to voice anything he wanted to after that. He yammered on for a while. The judge asked him if he had any objection to my being mom's guardian... to which he stuttered and talked incoherently, and then said, "I don't care. Make her guardian." I'm sure Richard would have had a hissy fit if he could have heard Bill say that.

Then he began to yammer on some more, rambling on about things that I was not given a chance to answer (and there was a logical explanation for everything he brought up) but I really didn't want to get into the He said/She said scenario - it would just show a lack of maturity. If my attorney or the judge want to ask about anything, I'll answer it. Otherwise, I'm staying out of the pettiness.

I will say I know in my gut it was Richard who told Bill to show up and contest it. I'm looking forward to the next court date. In the meantime, the judge granted me temporary guardianship. I'm busy preparing a six month listing of her income and expenses, so the judge can see I am capable of doing what it takes for the court's requirements. I'd also like to have an inventory of her property and its value ready for the judge by the next court date. Might as well get as much of that done as soon as possible.

Wish me luck. I honestly think I should be writing a book and trying to sell rights to the story for a TV movie. But usually, someone has to be killed or injured horribly in order to qualify for that... and I'm not wishing that on anyone. Especially not my daughters.

Giving Thanks

2009-11-27T11:40:00.000-08:00

Thank you, God, for all that you have blessed me with.

I have been a royal shit for most of my life (ok, ok - I'm still a royal shit...) so I know that all You have given me is out of Your love and forgiveness of my errors, mistakes and waywardness.

You blessed me with a husband that has loved me and forgiven me all my shenanigans - and they have been many. He has stood by me throughout the years, and is my steadfast partner and love.

Most of all, You blessed us both with two children who have made our lives complete, giving us a purpose and filling us with love... the joy You have given us is immeasurable.

******************************************************

We brought my mother home to have Thanksgiving with us. I am grateful we have had another year with mom. Having been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, I wonder how fast it will progress, so any time we have with her that she knows what is going on or doesn't have any confusion, that's precious to me and the kids. They were so excited to have their Memaw at our home, they nearly drove her nuts showing her stuff and talking to her...

Thanks be to God for our being able to have her with us.

Raking leaves

2009-11-21T14:42:00.000-08:00

The kids got a big kick out of raking leaves with their daddy. Kenzie always takes this so seriously, and to be honest, she does a great job!!!! She raked up two huge piles of leaves that we put on a blanket and took to the front of the yard so the city can pick them up.

As you can see, she is my serious one. She worked real hard

Now, what is it about the following pics that have me thinking Richelle would be really good at martial arts? Hmmmmm....

Happy Birthday Kenzie

2009-11-18T06:34:00.000-08:00

Today is my sweet and happy little girl's 7th birthday. We'd had a birthday party for her last weekend, and she had a lot of friends show up. She was thrilled to see all of the kids who came. I don't know if it made her feel special because she had a lot of friends there, or because she got a lot of gifts.

It's hard to imagine that she's 7. Time has definitely moved quickly - and today has been a reminder to me to cherish each and every moment. I was watching her as she brushed her hair... and I imagined I could see in her the woman she will one day become. It makes my heart ache that I'm not younger and won't be able to see more of her life as she grows. A bittersweet thing - to be the mother to our beautiful girl, to raise her in my "old age". When most people are getting visits from their grandchildren, I'm just trying to get them to brush their teeth and eat their veggies - I don't get the pleasure of spoiling them.

I just keep counting the blessings I have... and my children are my greatest blessings.

One Year Ago...

2009-11-11T07:13:00.000-08:00

On November 10, 2008, it was a chilly but very sunny day when we went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to meet our second daughter for the first time. We didn't know what to expect - the pictures we had been sent showed a child not smiling, with a firm mouth and chubby cheeks, looking rather chunky in her sweats. She looked as though she was defiant and stubborn... but looks can be deceiving.

We got to the CAB early, and was talking with the CAB director, Ms. Meng, going over some paperwork, when we heard some noise coming from downstairs. We were told by our guide, Lynn, "They are here with your child."

Nerves... what were we going to encounter? One always imagines the worst - a child that will fight or refuse to go or scream her head off... and we were truly glad we had brought Kenzie. Being a Chinese child herself and our daughter, we felt she would be a calming effect on our little Jia-Jia.

In walked the director, the main caregiver, and our daughter.
She took our breath away - she was really a beautiful and healthy looking little girl, with her hair done up so her face was shining. I was first struck by her large eyes and her full, pouty mouth. She looked around in confusion, holding on to the doll we had given her, not quite understanding what was going on. They introduced her to her Baba first, getting her to hug him, then to Mama (I gave her a little kiss), and then to her jie-jie. Her caregiver and the director of the CAB were encouraging her to interact with us and praising us as good people and how lucky she was. There was such a flurry of activity, and then I was told she asked to go pee pee (niao-niao). I went with her and Lynn and the director of the CAB to one of the squat potties, while the director of her orphanage and her caregiver tried to sneak away. But too late, because they were just walking down the hall as Jia-Jia got back to the room, and she saw them leaving her.

We got our coats on and picked up all the stuff, walked downstairs and outside to the waiting van. Once in the van (Jia-Jia got in first, Kenzie sat by her, and then I sat by Kenzie, with Lynn and Roy behind us) we began to drive away. I watched her as she began to cry, choking back huge sobs and wiping her eyes. I know she was confused and scared... who wouldn't have been? I had a feeling she really didn't understand what having a family - a mom, a dad, and a sister - would mean to her. I handed her a tissue for her, and Lynn asked if she was hungry (it was close to lunchtime). She said yes, so Lynn asked if she wanted noodles or dumplings. True to her nature, she chose jiao zi (dumplings). Glad she did!

We went to a restaurant, and once sitting down and realizing she was going to be eating, her whole demeanor changed... she was happy. However, she took the eating utensils and began banging on all the plates and glassware... Lynn found out she'd never been in a restaurant before, and said she was behaving really well. I suppose there are some children who won't sit in the chairs, or yell, scream or throw fits. Jia-Jia sat there, smiling, while making lots of noise with the plates and bowls... looking happier with every loud clank.

We got back to the hotel room and she began "exploring". She first discovered we had two rooms that were adjoining. Our good friend (and lifesaver) Deb had opened her door to our room, and Jia-Jia had great fun running back and forth between the rooms. Then she discovered the lights... there was a panel of switches over the two full size beds that had been pushed together, which controlled most of the lights in the rooms. Next it was the TV, and the remote control. She began pushing every button she could to figure out how to work it. Next, she began to look through her suitcase we had for her, and through her back pack full of stuff just for her.

Roy and I looked at each other and, wide-eyed, gave each other the knowing look of "what did we get ourselves into?" We were used to Kenzie, who was calm and easygoing. This child was shot out of a cannon and it was as if she had not been allowed to ever discover what her world was all about. And now that she had a little freedom, she was exercising her curiosity to the fullest extent possible. We could see she was very bright - she didn't just turn lights off and on for the heck of it, she was actually figuring out which switch was turning which light on. She was figuring out which button would get her to the stations she wanted to watch. Still, it was confusing for us to know when and where we should begin setting limits without squelching her inquisitive nature or making her fear us.

When Roy had to leave the room, she got very upset. I blew up a couple of balloons, and we went out into the hallway to play with them, which kept her entertained. Here was a child who loved to play and discover... two traits that would serve her well as she began to learn what her new life was to be about.

She quickly learned that first day some English. The first was "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" which she would repeat after doing something naughty and then laugh at us. And the others were Bye-bye and Thank you. We thought she was learning to say pee-pee, but figured out that she was saying pi-pi as in pigu (meaning butt - which made her smile and laugh all the more when I'd say it.)

We went to supper that evening, and she learned yet another phrase: "C'mon." Of course, she began her banging routine, which I began to tell her "Give to Mama" and to take it from her. She began giving me her plates and bowls, which I held on to until she needed them.

That first night, she got into her new pajamas, got into bed, and with telling her "Shui Jiao" she went to sleep without much trouble.

The next morning, we went up to the dining area where breakfast was served, and did our best to get her foods she would eat. She was a very picky eater, but loved the yogurt - we let her get her fill of that.

Then it was off to the CAB one last time. November 11, 2008 - Adoption Day.

I think anyone who adopts probably at some point asks themselves, "Is this the right thing to do? Are we making a mistake? Are we the best parents for this child? Are we biting off more than we can chew? Is everything going to work out?" There is always the second guessing with me. But, in looking at Jia-Jia and her enthusiasm for life, I knew that if we didn't adopt her, we would find something missing in our lives - and we would for the rest of our lives regret not having her to love. We had to believe that we would be able to handle whatever came our way - and that God wanted us to be with this child.

The adoption process was all handled in one room, with the director of the CAB taking care of most of the process, having us sign documents and putting our thumbprints on the paperwork. Even Jia-Jia got to put her hand on the red ink and put her hand print on the paperwork as well. However, I noticed that she was very subdued around the caregiver. She spoke only when spoken to. We had so little time to actually get to know the caregiver or the director of the orphanage, but we were told by the CAB director that when we return to China, we will be given permission to go to Jia-Jia's orphanage and visit. I have to say that Ms. Meng was a very nice and caring woman - who seemed to really care about the fate of the children who were being adopted.

Once it was all done, she was ours. Ours. This bundle of energy, this spitfire, this little rocket full of explosive curiosity and a mind that was ready to drink in all the world around her.

I look back today and remember that crazy first few days, and the following months of her adjustment, and even our adjustment to her... it was a two way street that had some near head-ons, but somehow, we navigated through it and she grew calmer. Although I will still say she has some habits that are lingering (such as touching everything in sight or talking incessantly without a breath in between sentences) but I wouldn't trade our precious little girl for anything.

Older child adoption has many surprises in store for parents. Some surprises are delightful, others makes you cry for the lost years you never got to spend with him/her, wishing you could have been the one to make the difference between behaviors learned due to neglect or as a survival skill and behaviors that would better suit them to their new environment and life. At other times, you cheer him/her on as the daughter or son you have accepted as your very own meets milestones you knew they were capable of achieving. And although you may miss much of the developmental years, you will also gain much more in the love you will receive in just being there and loving them for who they are.

God has blessed us twice. And we do know how lucky we are to be in this position of parenthood. Both daughters are doing well, and thriving - and our lives have a purpose. Roy and I were talking the other night, and he asked, "Could you ever imagine not having our daughters, going back to just us?"

And I told him, "No, it would break my heart. I would die of the loneliness - and the void would be unbearable to me."

If you're looking for the meaning of life - just look in your child's eyes. You will find it there.

Bubbles and chalk

2009-11-04T06:49:00.001-08:00

Bill's "visit" to mom

2009-11-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

Nothing like filing for guardianship of your mother to bring the family "together". Evidently, my youngest brother, Bill, came to see mom last week.

The staff didn't know who he was until he came in and saw mom sitting with the group up front. He went to her and sat down and started talking to her - during the time that the group was having a discussion. I had gotten a call from the nurse and she told me he was there.... and I asked that they just not let him go back to her room or to let him take her out of the building.

Evidently, the manager of mom's facility stood near mom, rubbing her back for support, because mom appeared to be a little confused and upset. Bill was telling mom that he had been looking for her everywhere. Mom asked him how he found her, and Bill said that Richard told him.

Interesting, because the prior week, the lawyers told me that Bill had been the one to sign the return receipt for the court papers, but Richard had not. Maybe Richard finally signed - but the court papers say where mom is living, so Bill would have had the information all along.

He kept talking to mom while the group was having a discussion, telling her that he had changed his ways, that he had quit drinking and was going to church, expounding on his change to a better person. he was saying all this while the group was trying to have a talk. The events director asked that he move the conversation to the dining room so he wouldn't interrupt the group. Bill told mom she should show him her room. That's when the manager stepped in and said that he would not be going to her room, that he could keep the conversation and visit up front where she could observe.

They sat in the dining room and Bill began telling mom that I had filed for guardianship (which I had already told her earlier - not that she would remember) and that he wanted her to go to court with him. Bill doesn't understand that the lawyer I hired is actually representing mom. But Bill wanted her to go with him to fight the guardianship.

Mom began to get upset and said, "I'm so torn, I don't know what to do." Mom is incapable of handling any confrontation or situation anymore. She can't make decisions or handle much adversity in her life... and to treat her like this shows that Bill still doesn't understand what is happening with mom. The manager at this point took Bill aside and told him he shouldn't be talking about that to mom, that he was upsetting her and it had no place there. She told him that he can enjoy his visit with her, but he wasn't to talk about going to court and he wasn't to upset her.

Bill asked who was in charge, and the manager told him she was. He then asked her to help him get mom into court! He has a lot of chutzpah asking her to do that! Thank God the manager is a strong woman. She told him that she wasn't going to help him do anything, that she had no intentions of helping him get mom into court and that she was there to protect mom. He could keep the visits light and friendly or he would be escorted out, and if he refused to go, she would get backup. We all know what "backup" means... and I hope Bill understands it as well.

I had talked with the manager about the visit (and the above was related to me by her). She said he had on olive green pants and a tan shirt, and she said it looked like he had bought it and put it on right out of the package. At least he made an attempt to look nice when he went to see mom. She said he was large in the middle, looking sort of like an overweight Bruce Willis.

I find it amazing that after over 2.5 years of no contact with mom, he now has found religion and cleaned up his life. Tell me Bill, did you find religion before or after you called mom collect on August 28 from a local phone number that wouldn't have been long distance if you had just dialed from the person's residence, and mom basically told you if you were in trouble or in jail you could just bail yourself out because she wasn't giving you any more money? Or was it before or after you got notice I was filing for guardianship?

It all sounds so fishy to me.

Halloween is the kids' favorite holiday

2009-11-01T09:00:00.000-08:00

Last Wednesday, the kids got to carve pumpkins at our friends' Deb & Pet's house. That was a new experience for Richelle, too. At first, she was quite surprised at the feel of the gooey, slimey insides... but she acclimated quickly - to her, it was just another fun thing to do. They created their own designs, and they came out real cute.

Kenzie's Richelle's

Needless to say, Richelle got a taste of an American cultural holiday that is right up her alley - especially because she gets to dress up and then be given candy in return for going door to door. Last night, the kids went at it hot and heavy for quite some time... and the cutest thing is, although Kenzie would say thank you when given candy, Richelle threw in an extra Happy Halloween with her thank you's! It was too cute.

The night before, we got the kids dressed up for Roy's workplace Halloween party for the kids and their parents... it is for the staff and students. It was so crowded, we had a hard time doing anything easily. And the kids wanted to go through the haunted house portion - around the first corner, a guy jumped out and said boo - and Kenzie was a puddle of tears. Richelle jumped, but laughed it off. Talk about two different personalities. But Richelle did hold a little tighter to my hand...

After the haunted house, Kenzie was having trouble enjoying herself... and it shows in most of her photos... until the end of the night. She just wasn't her bubbly self. Nothing stopped Richelle from enjoying the night.

By the way - I did the makeup job. Creepy for Kenzie (she was supposed to be a vampire) and cutsie for Richelle (the cheerleader).

Whaddya think?

Mom got the news and....

2009-10-27T08:17:00.000-07:00

... it didn't seem to even register with her.

Yesterday, we went to the doctor's office and the doc told mom the news... the MRI shows moderate atrophying of her brain, and that she had alzheimer's. It didn't show any problems with the ventricles and there didn't appear to be any indication that she'd had any fluid on the brain at any time.

Mom replied, "So physically I'm okay?"

Doctor: "Yes, physically you seem to be in great shape. But as we age, our blood vessels in our bodies break down and become weak like the rest of the body, which can increase the possibility of stroke, so it's important that you be careful to keep your blood pressure low and to watch your diabetes. "

Mom: "So physically, I'm in great shape!"

It was clear it really wasn't sinking in at that moment.

On the other hand, we met with Richelle's teacher last night for a parent/teacher conference. When we walked in, Roy (with a big smirk on his face) said to her, "If at the end of this year you decide to retire, we'll understand." Mrs. G. laughed at this. I'm sure she's had tougher kids to work with than Richelle, but as we have learned, Richelle, at times, has her own idea of what she wants. Sometimes, she'll be given a task and she'll go off and do whatever she wants to do. She has trouble with talking too much and too loud... no surprise there. But for only being in the U.S. for a year and having learned what she has learned, Mrs. G. thought she was doing incredibly well. Richelle will have to learn how to adapt so she can get along in first grade. At least she's motivated to learn. She tells us she has to catch up to Kenzie.

The joke will be on me

2009-10-21T11:24:00.000-07:00

The joke about mom's condition will be on me...

Both her sisters have Alzheimer's. My great uncle and my great grandmother on my father's side had Alzheimer's.

I joke that I'm next. But it may not be such a joke. I'd like to think that I've inherited more of my father's DNA than my mother's.

OK, enough of the morbid. Back to the here and now.

Mom's diagnosis is official

2009-10-21T06:43:00.000-07:00

I had gone back to the doctor to find out what the neurologist's report was on mom's MRI. Sadly, she has alzheimer's.

I found a website, Alzheimer's Association, and was able to read about how an MRI can determine if a patient has the disease. It showed how the brain atrophies and shrinks, and why it is believed to happen.

Early Alzheimer's can begin 20 years or more before diagnosis. Mild to moderate Alzheimer's lasts from approximately 2-10 years. Severe Alzheimer's might last from 1-5 years.

I will be going to the doctor with mom to have the doc break the news to mom and to find out if they can determine if mom's is early or mild to moderate.

Meanwhile, at the household, Kenzie has been sick. She's had a nasty fever, cough, and runny nose. The fever is down right now, and the school and I have the same philosophy - keep the kid out until she's been fever free for 24 hours. So, she's feeling much better today, but I need to make sure there's no spiking of her temperature. It has been going up and down as she fights off the bug.

Funny, when she was sick, she was fairly quiet and basically laid in bed watching tv. I can always tell when Kenzie is feeling better. She begins to whine.

Precious thoughts

2009-10-14T07:40:00.000-07:00

Last night, as I was laying down in bed with Kenzie, she kept saying "I can't go to sleep, mommy."

I finally asked her why. She said, "I don't want you to die."

I laughed soflty and said, "Well, I'm not dying right now and I'm very much alive. I won't die for quite a long time... so let's get some shut-eye and go to sleep."

She grabbed my arms and put her hand in mine, snuggling close and I kissed her head. She then asked, "Why do parents die before their children?"

I told her that usually, that is how things happen. We grow older, and our bodies get weaker and wear out. If we take good care of ourselves, we will live a long time, unless there is an accident. But parents need to live long enough for their kids to be independent and able to take care of themselves. That she was not to worry... by the time she was grown up and I was old, she would be asking herself "Hasn't she kicked off yet?"

Kenzie didn't find that funny. I guess I like the morbid humor, but Kenzie is really feeling a little insecure about death. I did, too, as a child. But I have had to work through that fear of being without my parents. As a kid, and even as a young adult, I felt that my life would not be worth anything if I didn't have my mom and dad.

And to be honest, it took me a long time to reconcile their dying with the natural order of things. By the time my father had his stroke, and then after 2 years dealing with that, he began to suffer mini-strokes and his body began to just shut down on him, I felt that death would be a blessing for him. He was in pain, confused, and had no life other than experiencing the process of dying. I always believed when he died, I'd break down and be an emotional wreck. But when the time came, I felt he was finally at peace. It was my mom who was the emotional wreck. I 'm sure she thought that there would be some kind of miracle and dad would pull through. So, I ended up being strong for her.

I hope I can help Kenzie understand and deal with death in a constructive and positive way. I don't expect her to shut down her emotions, but I want her to not fear our deaths so that it disrupts her life.

Then last night, in the middle of the night, I heard Richelle call, "Mommy..."

I woke up and asked "Huh?"

"I want to give you a hug."

Can't tell you how long it's been since I've been waiting for something like that. I reached over and held her, kissing her head a couple of times. And then she said, "I just wanted to give you a hug." (As if the kissing thing was just a little overboard.)

LOL! That's my girl.

Transient Ischemic Attacks?

2009-10-05T07:06:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday morning, when I took mom her meds, I noticed a huge difference in her. She wasn't as aware, and had trouble eating. More to the point, she had trouble seeing what she was trying to eat. She'd dropped some scrambled eggs into her cereal bowl, and when trying to get it out of the bowl with her fork, she was banging the outside of the bowl with the fork. She couldn't figure out where the inside of the bowl was. She gave up on that, and tried to grab the egg with her fingers, but instead grabbed a pinch of cereal.

Then, as I walked her back to her room, she was having trouble walking, and even had to stop to catch her breath, even though she was walking very slowly.

I took her to the emergency room, and they ran a battery of tests on her (blood cultures, CAT scan, EKG) and it came back that she had a urinary tract infection. I also found out why she was on warfarin. She has an atrial fibrillation in her heartbeat, so they prescribe the blood thinner to keep her from having a heart attack due to that. (Funny no one ever told me before - not even her heart doctor.)

The emergency room doctor (can you believe his last name is Slaughter? - oh, yeah!) said that they also thought she'd had a Transient Ischemic Attack, which is a fancy way of saying that she probably suffered a loss of oxygen to the brain for a short period of time, what many of us call mini-strokes.

The staff gave me the name of a neurologist to follow up with - and would you believe that the first appointment for that doctor was 3 weeks from today? HUH? I told them to schedule me with whomever had the earliest appointment. I have no idea who that is, but I desperately need to get her checked out. It still only gets her into the neurologist for an MRI in two weeks. Hopefully, she can hold on till then and nothing more serious happens. She has been complaining that she is seeing double. She also can't even tell where the lock is on her door to her apartment, so she is having trouble locking it before she leaves.

I'm so scared of what is going on. My worry is that something is causing pressure on her brain in the area where sight is processed. We'll see....

Learning how to deal with mom...

2009-09-30T07:21:00.000-07:00

Mom is declining in her mental capabilities... that has been talked about in previous posts... but I had no idea some of the things that she had been doing until I talked with some of the neighbors.

She had stood out at the end of her driveway waving some papers around asking people "Can you tell me what this is? I don't know what this is."

Our neighbor, who lives right across the street and has been our neighbor for around 45+ years, walked over to look at what was in her hand. It was dollar bills - 50's, 20's, etc... a wad of them. Mom couldn't tell that this was money or even how much each bill was worth. I've had something similar happen to me while with mom when we went out to eat prior to when she fractured her pelvis back in April. She pulled out a $50 bill and asked what it was. She was holding it upside down and looking at the back of it. I told her if she'd turn it right side up and turn it around so she was looking at the front of the bill, she could probably tell. Instead, she turned it around but kept it upside down and she still couldn't tell. So, I turned it right side up for her to see, but she still couldn't tell. She asked if it was a $5 bill. EEEEEEEKS! I could see someone not so very honest taking advantage of her. Perhaps this might explain why she would have thousands of dollars in her home and then not be able to find it... she could have had it in her purse and not know what she was looking at, thinking a $100 bill was a $1 bill.... and someone saw an opportunity. Who knows...

There was another time when a neighbor and her husband who lived down the street from mom (we've known them ever since we had lived on the street in our old neighborhood) took her to the store. Later that evening, mom called her next door neighbor Jeannette and told her that Dale (the husband) had kept her purse, because she couldn't find her purse. Jeannette called Melissa's house at 10 pm and told her what mom was saying - and Melissa told Jeannette that mom had her purse with her because she had to have it to get her keys out to get into the house. Jeannette went over to look for her purse, and found it on a kitchen chair where mom had left it.

I also have seen where mom will look for her purse, and it is sitting on top of the cabinets where she left it, but she will walk by it several times, not even seeing it. It's like it just doesn't register in her brain as to what she is looking at.

I'm sure there are more horror stories - and I'm not sure whether I want to hear them all or not... but maybe I should be recording them for a future time when I may need to have that documentation.

Mom also suffers from "Sundowner's" - which is what they call it when sometime late in the day,the elderly begin to become difficult, unreasonable, aggresive, and sometimes uncontrollable. With mom, she hates everyone and everything by that point in the day (it begins at 2-3 pm and builds over the day until by the evening, she's spoiling for a fight with someone). Nothing is good, everyone is out to do her in, no one is nice, and everyone is a bitch or a bastard and she's the victim of some evil plot. She wants to go home because she hates it at the assisted living place. However, mom's forgotten how she had told her friends and neighbors, crying, that she hated living in her house and she'd rather just die. I'm sure feelings about living alone in her house was revealed to her friends in the late afternoon or evening.

Mom never made any effort to get out and be with other people, other than her friend Phyllis or her friend and neighbor Jeannette. She has no hobbies (try to get her to do something and she'll find a million reasons why she can't or won't - she doesn't even give anything a try). She can't read anything any more - and she wasn't an avid reader to begin with, so it's not hard to make the leap from not reading much to not reading at all. I think part of this is that the words she reads on the page don't translate to her brain. She has no idea what the words are, she can't make sense of words... even though with her glasses on, she can tell you the letters she's seeing either close up or far away.

I talked with her doctor the other day (she is now seeing my doctor - who restored my faith in the medical profession due to her caring and intelligent way she handles my medical problems - she actually listens to what the patient is saying and doesn't pre-judge what is going on, and she pays attention to my many drug allergies). She prescribed something to help mom with her sundowner's - and hopefully this will help both the staff (who are great and very caring people) and me (when I have to come in the evening to make sure she's taking her medication at the proper time).

In the mornings, she's doing great - and can understand the reasoning behind why I have placed her where she is. She realizes that if she were to fall at home, or outside the house, or have an accident of some kind where she wasn't able to get to a phone or call out for help, she could lay there for days and no one would know. At least here, someone is going to see her and/or will come looking for her if she doesn't show up at certain times of the day.

I'm learning not to take the tirades in the evening seriously... to smile and say ok. To let her rant and put up a fuss, because tomorrow morning, she'll feel so grateful that I'm back and tell me her fears that she thought after what she did I'd never come again. It's like a little child. I have to tell her (just like I tell my girls) that no matter what, I love her and I will never just leave her or abandon her. She's my mom, and even though she is a little cranky at night (an understatement for her sake) I still love her and I know she still loves me. We're mother and daughter and we fuss with each other from time to time... but we do love each other.

I'll be glad to see her new tv get delivered on Saturday. That will help her a tremendous amount with the boredom in the evenings.

She has a heart that is healthy and strong again, due to her bypass surgery. Her blood pressure is amazing, and there doesn't seem to be any problems with her cholesterol or other body functions. So physically, if she doesn't have a major accident, she could live another 10-20 years. But her mind is going into a twilight that she may never recover from. I so dread that - mostly because her granddaughters don't get to have the Memaw they deserve to have.

Aaaahhhhh!

2009-09-17T19:48:00.000-07:00

Finally got mom into the assisted living place. I feel a little relief that I don't have to worry how she is doing... now she's 5 minutes away and with people who should be able to help her immediately if she needs it.

So, now I can revel in the pictures I took over Labor Day weekend... we saw the kinfolk and had a great visit with Grandma Geri - although I ended up with bronchitis from the hotel's air conditioning by the end of the trip. Had to go to the emergency room by the time we got back home.

Oh, yeah! I recognize that face... we see that one a lot.

Wow - look at those eyes - they are piercing and intense. And she's only 5.

They look like they could have their own band.

Believe it or not, she's only singing the ABC song.

The kids spent more time trying to tie on their aprons than actually building anything.

Waiting for the train at a station in Des Plaines.

The Field Museum

Flower power

2009-09-11T21:48:00.000-07:00

Pics taken while on vacation. I love flowers. If you want to see the detail, click on the pic - it will give you a good sized photo (downsized from the original, but still large enough to get a richly detailed look.) I'll have to catch y'all up on what's going on later - it's been hectic and crazy - and not in a good way. This is my way of saying I need to be more at peace right now...

Taking care of mother

2009-09-03T07:34:00.000-07:00

I have been spending most of my time these last few days taking care of my mom.

Monday, I took her to an assisted living place here and let her stay to see if she liked it. She was having such a good time, I just left and told her I'd pick her up later. When I came to get her, it was difficult to get her out the door. Once we were out, and I had her in the car, she (in her typical fashion) started finding fault with the place, complaining that it was too cold and her shoulders hurt, and she didn't think she could stay somewhere like that.

I told her that that was what sweaters were for... I found out that they had given her a blanket to put around her shoulders, and still she complained... ugh!

The ride home was frustrating. She was saying she didn't want to give up her home, and that she was mad that she would have to sell her car and she was able to take care of herself. I got so frustrated, trying to point out that she is either overdosing herself on her meds or underdosing herself, that that alone will kill and I wanted her to enjoy the life she has without having to feel frustration and depression that she can't take care of herself properly right now.

We parted angry at each other. I called her friend, who was giving mom her meds for each day instead of us leaving them with her, and told her to bring all of mom's medicines back and let her take care of herself. Maybe it was risky - but I wanted to hammer home the point I had been trying to make - that she wasn't capable of doing the things she needed to be doing in order to remain healthy.

I called her a couple days later. My youngest brother had called mom stating he was in jail and needed her help to get bailed out. Mom hung up on him. Thankfully, she's not desperate enough to give him more money - he hasn't talked to her in over two years and now the only reason he called was to ask her for money. My husband and I made some inquiries and checked online to see if he had ever been arrested - and we found no information showing her had been arrested locally... perhaps he was arrested in another town or state. So, it appears he could have been scamming her. The last thing I'll do soon is go to the prosecutor's office to see if they can tell me anything. But I told mom what we found out at this point. She apologized and said to get her signed up for the assisted living. She admitted she can't do her medications and needed help. Thank GOD!!!!!!!!

I can't be there for her all the time - and neither can her neighbors. She needs to have minimum care, and to have people around 24/7 who will notice if she doesn't come out of her room, or are there right away to help her if she falls or has a physical problem. It's expensive, but far cheaper than a nursing home, and much more comfortable. They try to cook foods that people like, have activities that they will enjoy, and she has privacy when she wants it.

And, finally, she'll be closer, so it will be easier to help her.

More on Good Without God...

2009-08-27T06:52:00.001-07:00

I have so far two comments on my post. Here is an excerpt from Peta-Marie:

The basis for knowing what is right, wrong, good, bad is having high morals and ethics which we learn from our parent, grandparents, family and our peers not a higher power.

And here is an excerpt from kiwi:

Its people's desire to abide by the laws of their society and internal conscience. Just because an athiest dsoen't believe in a higher power in the form of a god dosen't mean they think it is ok to commit crimes, or act in an immoral way.

Internal conscience? So.... does that mean you believe that we are born with an innate sense of right and wrong? If that is true, then we as parents would never have to teach our kids right and wrong - our children would just know.

And your statement that an atheist doesn't have to believe in a higher power in the form of a god - then what higher power do you think the atheist would believe in? Does the atheist become his/her own "higher power"? Webster describes atheist as one who believes there is no deity, which would include one's self, if taken to that extreme.

We are born neither good nor bad. We are born with needs that must be met in order to live. Then we have wants - we want our mother's attention, we want a puppy, we want a toy... We are born self-centered because it is all we know - we must have food, shelter and love to survive, and as humans we will do anything we can to get that. It is instinctual that we cry as babies to get those things we need. And without guidance, the self-centeredness will continue to be our nature

If parents teach morality to their kids - where did these moral principles come from? How far back do we go to establish where moral principles began?

If there is no religious background for determining what is right and wrong, it is possible that someone would think to themselves, "How would I want to be treated?" and base their actions on that assumption. (This also assumes their parents brought them up to think of others and not just themselves.) But what if that person didn't equate his moral choices on common decency and instead considered his actions moral based on other criteria? What if that person believed that they knew better than everyone else and that their choices were moral while the rest of us were idiots or morons for behaving in what we see as a moral fashion?

What if a society believed it moral to kill babies who are born "defective"? To kill elderly adults who have become a burden or outlived (by some arbitrary standard) their useful life? To allow one to steal from someone who has more when someone has less? If this is what a society believes as moral, if this is written into their laws, then would we still, as outsiders looking in, say that their actions are moral?

I just have all these questions and need a complete and intelligent discourse on how morality can be taught without there being some link to something other than one's own idea of right and wrong.

Without God?

2009-08-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

We had quite the bru-ha-ha here in our town about a slogan that was put on a bus. What was it?

You Can Be Good Without God.

My question is, if we have no moral compass as outlined by a higher power, then what do you base "good" on?

Without a higher power of some kind, no matter what name you call It, how does one judge what is right and what is wrong?

Enlighten me.

My take on the Health Care debate & our Nation's Debt

2009-08-25T08:29:00.000-07:00

I have been extremely disappointed in how the healthcare debate has been handled by my congressman, Baron Hill, and other Democrats. It appears he is afraid of meeting face to face with the constituents he represents. With no prior warning, I get a phone call from an AARP phone conference already in progress the evening of 24 August, 2009. Being a 53 year old mother of two children (ages 5 & 6, adopted from China) I could not stay on because I had no one to watch my daughters or take care of their needs, as they needed to be getting ready for bed… and the format of the conference was not the personal approach I expected from my representative in congress. I listened long enough to hear that the answers he was giving were scripted and VAGUE enough not to really answer a question. This type of forum makes him look like a coward, and I'd like to believe he isn't one – but he isn't willing to go face to face with us. He needs to see that we are not crazy people, we are constituents who wants him to listen to us and hear us as a whole.

I will say that although I think Arlen Specter is a cretin, at least he had the guts to stand up and take the heat from the people he represented. However, his smirk and the way he turns away from those persons who voice opposite opinions from his and do not want the government interfering in their lives and who do not want the public option belies that he thinks he is better than us and that his constituents are nothing but ignorant sheep to be led by the nose to whatever place he wants them to go.

I believe people are getting angry (and rightly so) because instead of the Democrats listening to the constituents’ concerns and protests over a public option and a change to their healthcare – the Dems dismiss it as “fringe” and not representative of the majority of the nation. Ok - if that is the case, then where is the majority to be found if they are not showing up to the meetings and voicing their support? IF we as a majority have been silent too long, and only those who agreed with you showed up at forums previously, or wrote to you previously, then as a silent majority, we got what we deserved. But for God's sake - we are standing up now and wanting our voices to be counted - and finding that we are being sloughed off as one would unwanted dead skin. If our representatives will actually take our concerns seriously, and treat us with respect, then there would be far less rancor at some of these talks. Arlen Specter shows no real respect for his constituents, hence the anger and outrage across the nation at his treatment of American citizens. It's the same with other Dems as well.

There is an overwhelming rush to change the world as we know it - and although I'm not totally resistant to change - I am resistant to changing so quickly that no one knows what it will really mean in the long run - and the American people are not being allowed to give voice to their concerns, needs and opposition or support. I didn't like how Congress and the Senate goose-stepped to Obama's so-called "stimulus" package... and now Obama expects everyone to do the same with health care and cap and trade (which, by the way, will be bad for this nation as well - but that's another post).

The truth is, the majority has been silent too long, and now that we have a socialist in the White House, and we see our freedom and constitutional rights being eroded, ignored, and misinterpreted or misrepresented. We have had enough - enough of the lies, the abuse, the misuse, and the riding roughshod over our constitutional rights. Tell me - where in the constitution does it say that health care is an inalienable right of the people? Where does it guarantee that the government can force citizens to buy anything that they don’t want to buy? WHERE? If the answer is (as one Democratic leader put it) "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" as the excuse for either a public option or a single payer health care system, then that could also be used as an excuse for drug addiction, murder, or prostitution... what the hell - anything that makes you happy or allows you the life or liberty you choose. By all means - have at it folks!

I know there are better ways to handle the health care issues for Americans who have problems with their insurance companies - but for the vast majority of Americans - we're pretty darn okay with what we have. It isn't right for an insurance company to just drop you outright because you get a disease or problem that requires long-term or expensive treatment, but Congress can address that through legislation without having a public option or a single payer system in place.

With the crushing debt looming large over our nation, putting in place a health care reform that does not actually address the real issues is the true lunacy. Our Representatives ignore the problems with Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. Instead of addressing what is wrong about those programs, Congress instead says “Do over” and expects us to all be for the new way of doing business – which will just be the same old business as usual with any government program. Waste, fraud, slow service, inefficient service, and confusion over what is allowable and what is not. The bureaucracy will be much like the IRS – too many times people have called to have a question answered, and we get either a wrong answer or a “I dunno”. The rules are so complicated and fraught with this exception and that exception, that it is hard to get a definitive answer unless you talk to an expert – and usually, that comes from someone outside of the IRS who charges exhorbitant fees to give us the information we need.

I used to work for a small NASA contractor, and I can tell you that there were problems with the bureaucracy of NASA - they would ask us for information and, by the way, we need it by 5 pm end of business today. But when you needed information from them... well, the contracts have closed and we never did get answers to some of those questions.

I remember at one time there had been a surplus in the Social Security program. But because the government won’t look to the future and plan ahead, congress at that time found ways to dip into the Social Security program and take the money for purposes which it had never been intended. We would not be facing a crises for Social Security if congress had left well enough alone and let the surplus increase. Then those of our generation who are someday going to retire would not have to worry about whether or not they will be able to pay at least the very minimum of their everyday living expenses. And there would be no need to saddle any of our children with these issues as well.

We have people voted into office (including the President) and appointed by the President acting like children and treating the government as one big cookie jar that they can take whatever they want and as much as they want without regard to where the cookies are coming from. They act like we – the American people – are going to keep baking and replacing what has been taken. The debt we are being saddled with makes my stomach knot every time I think that this is what is owed and will be owed for generations to come, and I wonder how my children will be able to live when, in order to pay off this debt, we will have to tax every person and entity with taxes so high we might as well just make all of us slaves to the government.

Yes, I said it. This is what is happening to us as a nation. We are going to become slaves to the government – working only to pay off a debt that will never be payable. To think that I brought my children back from China and now China is going to own American before they are young adults. I wanted my children to know that they are self-directed, that they make their own choices and must live with the consequences of their actions. But that is not how the government treats us… the current administration considers us to be like children – that we must be told what to do and how to do it. It has been like that for a long time – even under Bush – and now it is even more pronounced with Obama’s administration.

I am urging our representatives to look ahead to the future and not vote for any of the bills currently being considered. Any bill that would come out of this process should be rewritten for the average American to read (including all of our representatives in the House and the Senate) so that we as a whole nation can understand what the bill is and what it means to us. And there should be ample time to read and respond - not 24 hours, but at least a week to 10 days. And there should be debate - now the heel-clicking, goose-stepping that I have seen from our representatives at the beginning of this administration.

If there IS disinformation, perhaps it is because the bills are so convoluted that no one can actually get through it and understand what it is saying. (However, I think that most of the Democrats are simply spouting a script and they haven't actually read and do not fully understand the bill they are supporting.) When lawyers are reading the bill and bringing the problematic issues to light, please don’t tell me that they are spreading disinformation…. aren't lawyers qualified to read and determine what the bill means to us? After all, hasn't this bill been crafted by lawyers? (Maybe that's reason enough not to trust it.)

I say the House and Senate should work to resolve this – rewrite the bill so that every American can read and understand what it means to them. To tell us that it has be be written in legal-ese in order to be passed is more of the same bullcrap we have been spoonfed by those representatives who want to retain power within the government. Lots of double talk, and keep the sheep ignorant of what's going on. Baaaaa-d for us...

Personally, I think that every American should be able to read any bill without any confusion and that it should be a right of the people – to know what is really in the bills that our representatives are voting on. The old KISS approach - Keep It Simple, Stupid!

As the nation struggles with mounting debt, layoffs, and a rush to socialism, I worry for the future of my two children. I brought them to this country of freedom only to find that it is slowly turning away from the basic principles that gave us that freedom, watching it become more and more like the communist country they left. Some of Obama’s tactics could have come from Mao’s playbook of programs he enacted. One that comes to mind is when the administration asked for people to report on others who were against the health care program or disseminating what they thought was “disinformation”. Mao had asked that people openly criticize the government so that they could improve upon it – only to take note who criticized and then to torture, kill, or “re-educate” those who spoke against the Communist regime. I don’t know that our government will go so far as to torture or kill us, but I’m damn sure they’re going to do their best to “re-educate” those of us who are not in lock-step with the government (how about them thar emails???? Not exactly making me comfortable with our government officials). Chilling that they want us to “tattle” on each other – again, they are acting like children and treating us like children. Where in the hell are the adults in charge?

Mark my words: Our representatives may think they have the power to run over us and do whatever the hell they want to - but they will find out come the next election year who really weilds the power and if they really do have the confidence of the American people.

Power to the people - let's take back our liberty.

A new car and some other pics

2009-08-22T14:30:00.000-07:00

Mama got a new car! Daddy was very, very good to me...And I LOVE it! A Honda Accord. One thing I can say - every one who has owned one has told me they loved theirs as well. I hope to be as happy for a long time to come. It has to last at least 10-15 years.... that's how we keep our cars. Of course, with kids, I have no doubt that it will be trashed in less than a year.

Today, we took a walk on campus. Not far, but it was fun to see how Richelle took to everything. She is a natural for the camera. Kenzie is going through an awkward phase - she lost yet another tooth today and she only wants to grimace with all the teeth showing (or not showing - to be honest, she is showing off how many teeth are gone, not still there).

A Pair of Mandarin Ducks

Sisters for life

Running to her future

Statuesque

How Jia picked the name Richelle

2009-08-13T08:00:00.000-07:00

I had someone ask how Jia decided on the name Richelle. It is one of her middle names. She learned her full name fairly quickly - and had played around with being called Josie (her first name) but that faded too quickly. Plus, this mama had a hard time remembering to call her Josie... she just doesn't look like a Josie to me.

She really looks like a Richelle to me, and I think it fits her well. After hearing people mispronounce her name over and over , and seeing her friend from the orphanage using an American name, she came to her own conclusion that she wanted to be called Richelle.

Richelle was in honor of my father, whose name was Richard.

I have always said that Richelle reminds me so much of me as a kid... funny how things turn out. When I was in first grade, I remember getting sent to the coat closet for talking and not respecting Mrs. Clarissey's position as teacher. I was so ashamed... I cried buckets the whole time I was in there (which probably wasn't more than 5 minutes). I never ever talked when a teacher was talking again. Yeah, my daughter could have really been my bio kid - if not for the Chinese thing and my not giving birth to her... but other than that... she's just like me.

OMG... now I know what I'm in for as she grows up.

A new name and the first day of school

2009-08-12T14:16:00.000-07:00

First, ever since we saw one of Jia's orphanage mates at the adoption agency picnic, and she heard that she was being called by an American name, she decided she wanted to be called by one of her American names as well. So now, she insists on being called Richelle. Quite frankly, I think it fits her well.

Today was the first day of school. Kenzie and Richelle were beside themselves to go and have their first full day. So was mom... which should go without saying. Ahem...

Like a dummy, I didn't take my camera to take a picture of Richelle as she left for her first day - DUH! The grin on her face lit up the whole neighborhood. Of course, as the bus pulled up, she ran to me, so excited that the bus was here! Get on the bus, silly!

But I did take pictures of her after she got off the bus today... and that smile was still there. However, I will let you know she told me she did get a time out for talking. It's going to be a long school year for the teacher.

SUCCESS!

2009-07-27T15:11:00.000-07:00

Kenzie finally got the other tooth out. Now I have some awesome pics of her without teeth in front. I told her that although it looks cute on a little girl to not have teeth in front, it looks really bad on an older woman. She just gave me a look that told me she couldn't understand how that could happen.

I can see the teeth as they are poking through the gums. (As you can tell, it doesn't take much to entertain me.) But in another light - she's growing up so fast - it won't be long I'll be watching her go to the prom.

I think I'm going to cry now.

Scary, isn't it!!!

Can you see the excitement in her face! She could hardly contain herself.

There appears to be something missing.

2009-07-22T07:39:00.000-07:00

Lost two teeth in two days. And she has two more loose teeth to come out soon, too: the middle top tooth and the one on the other side of the upper gap.

She won't be eating corn on the cob for awhile.

Picnic fun

2009-07-21T10:10:00.001-07:00

Last Saturday was our adoption agency's annual picnic. I was shocked to see how few people went to the picnic... there was so much space and hardly anyone there. In year's past you'd be sighing a sigh of relief just to find a parking place at the park, let alone close to the shelter where they would have the lunch served for the country your child was from. But I have to give Kudos to our agency - they kept it all about the kids and put on a really nice picnic anyway. It was Jia's first time going, and Kenzie's third.

I took my Canon Rebel XTi this time, as well as the point and shoot cameras. However, the Rebel gave me some great shots. I won't post any pics of other people's kids, but I can post the one's I loved of mine. The nice thing about a DSLR is the depth one can get from a photo when shooting with a telephoto lens.

Interesting that we met a couple who had adopted a child from Jia's orphanage as well. Jia and the little girl said they remembered each other - or as the child put it - she remembered they were in nursery together. Amazing, since the child was adopted about 1 year ago, about 4-5 months prior to Jia's adoption.

But miracles happen every day. I have two angels to prove it.

Comparison pictures

2009-07-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

I had had a request from a reader to show the before and after pics I had done when we had gone to a local beach. I've finally gotten around to getting this done.

So... here are the before and after pics. It helps a lot when you use a high megapixel camera that takes decent shots. These were taken with a 12 mp Sony DSC-T90. Nice little camera for a point and shoot. Also, all pics have been resized to make uploading a little easier - at full size, and on dial-up, it would have taken most of the night to get this done.

Before

The woman's rear just didn't belong on top of my kid's head.

After

Before

This was the original shot I worked with.
When I cropped the picture, part of Kenzie's
butt and her right leg were in the picture.

After

No butt or leg... and only what I wanted to see.

Both are held back in swimming

2009-07-10T19:53:00.000-07:00

As outlined previously, Kenzie was held back to do session one again in swim lessons.

We made the decision to hold Jia back as well. The main reason is that she doesn't listen to the instructors. They tell the kids to be quiet and listen, she is off dunking herself and yelling for me to look. They tell the kids to hang on to the wall, she is trying to go out to deep water behind the instructors' backs. She is not listening to them, and the higher the level, the more dangerous the lesson will be if she doesn't pay attention to them.

It's the same thing she does at home. I'll tell her not to do something or to do something, and its as if I never opened my mouth. The walls have better hearing than Jia. (BTW - her hearing has been checked and it's perfect - there's no problem with it. The problem lies in her willingness to respond to authority.) There's a part of Jia that I think doesn't care - she's still not getting it when it comes to this family stuff... I think there are times when she thinks this is just another place for her to stay until her next move.

When I told Jia that because she wasn't paying attention to her instructors and that was the reason she was being held back, she bawled and screamed for a half hour "I wanna go to level 2!" over and over. I had told her previously that she had to listen to her instructors - and now she has to deal with the consequences of not doing what we've told her.

Another issue we are currently dealing with: Lying.

And she knows she's not telling the truth. She automatically says, "It wasn't me" when something is discovered and we find that there is something wrong or damaged. Now, I know Kenzie really well - and Kenzie is very careful with her things and with the household. Once Kenzie marked up a wall accidentally with a painted peg, and we talked with her about not doing that and not marking up the walls. This was when she was 2 years old. She's never done it since. But since Jia's been home, we've found places where there are marks (large ones) and we know that Kenzie didn't do it. Jia finally confessed to Roy, but that was after a lot of prodding. Not sure how to handle this. I'm sure that the immediate denial was so she wouldn't be punished in the orphanage... but she has to learn this isn't the orphanage and there aren't another couple hundred kids to blame around her... so it's pretty easy to figure out who did what.

One of these days, the actions vs inactions = consequences equation is going to finally hit home and she'll make the connection. But until then, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

Moving on in swim lessons

2009-07-06T16:31:00.000-07:00

It appears from the pictures below that Jia will be moving on to the next level of swim lessons.

Kenzie, on the other hand, is a typical little princess - not wanting to get her hair wet. At least for now. I've told her that if she takes more swim lessons, she will repeat the class she just took, and Jia is going to move on to the next level. She agrees she needs to just get her head under water... but will she?

Jia shows off her stuff by dunking her head under water... Kenzie shows her stuff by laying back and acting non-plussed over all the hype.

Swim lessons

2009-07-01T09:28:00.000-07:00

The girls are taking swim lessons, and one of them is taking to it as a natural. I'll let you guess which one.

The two pics below show the kids "practicing" rescuing someone who can't swim well.

I think the only reason Kenzie is going to the lessons is so she can flirt with the guy who is helping teach swimming.

As you can see, Jia is having a great time. It was cool this day, but Jia's not feeling it. I was afraid that Kenzie was going to start to turn blue.

Kenzie won't put her face in the water. Period. She said if she had swim goggles, she would. Or if the sun was out, she would. I wonder how many excuses she can come up with before she has to admit she just doesn't want to.

For Jia, it's all about the fun. For Kenzie, it's all about the older boys.

My brother Richard

2009-06-26T07:03:00.000-07:00

I think my brother highly under-estimates my intelligence.

I had been emailing him to inform him of mom's condition so he would be able to understand better her dementia problems. However, he has played the "Bill didn't tell me about his financial problems until long after they had happened... " tune in his emails, and quite frankly - I'm not buying it. It was before Bill had lost his home to foreclosure that Richard was trying to get mom to let Bill, his wife, and her four kids stay at mom's house. How ridiculous! Mom's home has around 950 sq ft - it has three bedrooms (one of which is an office and stores a hutch she used to have in the kitchen), one very small bath, a living room and a small eat-in kitchen. Great for a single person or a retired couple who don't want a large home to take care of... but to have 7 people cramped up in the home? That would be lunacy. So I know Richard knew of Bill's financial and legal troubles all during that time - Richard was trying to get mom to bail Bill out of jail and give him money and/or let Bill's family stay at her house - all before the foreclosure.

I didn't exactly write back and say, "Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!" - but I did let him know that I had been keeping a log of what had transpired for the last 8 years - dates, times, who did what, said what, and the outcomes. With that being said, his last email was basically a nice goodbye-I-won't-be-writing-to-you-again. Running scared?

There was so much Richard said in his emails that I knew wasn't true. In his first couple of emails, I was hoping he had actually done some soul searching and was willing to take some blame for what had torn us apart as a family. But I saw pretty quickly (by the third or fourth email) that he was still Richard... just that he has probably had some coaching on how to approach me and word things - but when he got a chance to latch onto something that he saw as wrong (mom changing her stories as to what happened in certain instances, which was a symptom of her dementia, and not outright lying, as Richard called it) he jumped on it with Richard-style flaming anger.

It felt like a gotcha moment.

The last email I sent, I told him that if there was ever a need to make a major decision about mom's care, I would call him and discuss it with him - because she is OUR mom. I have no clue where Bill is or how to contact him, so I was leaving that up to Richard. I won't exclude the brothers.

I really have to be cautious with all this - on one hand, I think Richard is trying to find something he can latch on to and use to hurt me. I just don't trust him. I don't think I'll ever trust him again.

*********

On a lighter note.... check out Jia stretching for gymnastics. The kid can do the splits already. We're amazed at how flexible she is...

Somebody missed the point...

2009-06-19T06:31:00.000-07:00

I got a comment from someone who was researching information on PJ days and things to do. She came across my post and all I can say is Wow! Did she miss the point. Here is Maria's comment left on this post - I have italicized her comment, and have written my responses... funny thing, she has a blogger account, but no blog. I view these people as hit and run bloggers. I actually like to call them Floggers - people who want to beat you down by their comments, but not allow you any access to their account because they don't have an actual blog. There's no way to have dialogue with this person except through my own blog. Don'tcha just love that?

Here goes:

I am a recent college graduate and about to enter the field of teaching, and currently a summer day camp counselor. As I was looking for PJ Day activities for our theme day tomorrow, I came across this blog. Your analogy of PJ Day fun to the "fun" racist people once had hanging African Americans is ludicrous, not to mention misleading and offensive.

The point I was making (which you missed entirely) was that just because something is done over and over again, which, in its repetition, becomes a “tradition”, does not make it right – no matter what excuse is used for “having fun.” Kenzie’s teacher’s explanation that pj day has “always been done” and it was “fun for the kids” is a tenuous argument - she could not provide a logical basis for doing something that was actually outside the original intent of what school is supposed to do – which is to educate our children – not to get them excited about doing something that they don’t do any other day of the year, let alone outside of the home on any consistent basis.

Also, I called what people did to African Americans in the past exactly what it was: terrorizing, torture, and to hang someone from a tree is murder by any definition. You are the one who took this totally out of context.

I came from a racist family. I have always hated and always will stand against racism, honey. I have to – I have two Chinese daughers who will have to deal with racism, and I need to set the example and show them that racism should never be tolerated or accepted in any way – whether directed toward them or others.

I respect your right to choose not to have your children participate in this potentially "dangerous" PJ day. And I don't know what kind of pajamas you dress your daughter in, but I'd be willing to bet that they would not be considered "intimate apparel". Most kids have brightly colored baggy matching comfy t-shirts and trousers.

In the same sentence you say you respect my right to choose, you've make a derisive inference that I'm (stupid/crazy/dumb/an idiot/whatever you want to put here) by calling PJ day "dangerous" as if that is what I posted?

Wow, that's some respect there, Maria.... and quite a leap in your interpretation of my post.

Again, you missed the point. It is dangerous to allow my children to participate year after year in questionable activities that have no educational value – it sends the wrong message to children. It is not a dangerous activity in and of itself - pj day will not incite the kids to riot or have sex or beat up on each other (or whatever!) just for participating in the one day - but pile that one day of questionable activity upon another and another, year after year, and then the kids get the message - that which is not allowed is fun and should be done. Kids are NOT stupid. That was my point.

Please re-read the entire post when you are of a calm mind, and please don’t just react to key buzzwords that set off those bells in your head. If all you listen to are the bells, they will occupy your mind and prevent you from thinking clearly.

By the way, Webster’s definition of intimate is as follows:

1 a: intrinsic, essential b: belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature
2: marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the law>
3 a: marked by a warm friendship developing through long association <intimate friends> b: suggesting informal warmth or privacy <intimate clubs>
4: of a very personal or private nature <intimate secrets>

My use of the word intimate for pj’s would be #4 – since we only wear pj’s in the home when we go to bed (or perhaps when we are sick). Can you tell me that you wear your pj’s outside of your home? I’ll bet not. (Make that: I hope not.)

And one final thing on this point – I consider recess, phys-ed, and field trips of educational value. I highly regard play as vital to a child’s development – physical, mental, and emotional.

Have you considered the psychological effect she will encounter by being left out of this fun activity? You need to get a grip and teach your child right and wrong without isolating them from society.

No, I just do things willy-nilly depending on the mood I'm in with no consideration for my daughter's feelings.

Ok - it felt good to make that facetious remark.

I consider very carefully what I am doing. I’m her mother – I am the one responsible for making sure she grows up safely and with a healthy self-esteem – and a lot of that comes from her understanding that she is loved and cared about by her family and that outsiders can’t/don’t have these same concerns for her. (And big surprise! She was not the only one in the school who was kept out by their parents.)

You further miss the point in this - do we (as parents) allow our kids to do everything all the other kids do so they don’t feel left out? Or do we teach our children to recognize a slippery slope and stand up for what is right or proper? I want her to learn to think about things for herself.

I walked her through a series of questions to make her think about what was going on and to help her understand that she needs to stand up for what is right – not to just blindly follow the crowd. It’s called having a backbone… you know, that rigid thing that runs down your back and allows you to stand up? If she doesn’t learn to use it, she’ll fall for anything that comes her way.

I have a grip on right and wrong. And that’s why I care about what she is exposed to by strangers. Keeping my kids out one day can hardly be considered isolating them from society. Um, who's stretching things now?

You completely contradicted yourself by not wanting your child to do something seen as taboo by society.

You fail to explain how. And evidently, other readers fail to have your “recent college graduate” insight on this contradiction. I, too, am a college graduate – magna cum laude, BS in Business Administration - and proud of it. And many of my readers are college graduates – with many more years of experience in life than you. What are we missing? Please enlighten us with your erudite observations.

This kind of thing reminds me of a sign my father used to have in his room. It read something like this:

Teenagers! Tired of being harassed by your stupid parents? Act NOW! Move out, get a job, and start paying your own bills while you still know everything!

My dad had a wonderful sense of humor.

But remember when it was taboo and unacceptable to drink out of the same water fountain as African Americans?

Previous paragraphs, please.

Are you overreacting? Absolutely.

NOT. Overreacting would be suing the school. Overreacting would be running in and screaming at the principal. Overreacting would be walking up and down the street in front of the school with a picket sign.

As a future teacher, unless you work for an ultra liberal school system that has ultra liberal parents’ children attending, you, too, will need to learn how to smile and say (with sincerity) that you respect the parents’ position and look forward to seeing the child the following day. Kenzie had a wonderful kindergarten teacher who was able to do just that. I respect her very much as a teacher. She did her best to get Kenzie in school for that day, however, she was also genuinely gracious and understanding of my stance with my daughter.

I put my thoughts and position on the issue politely in a letter to the principal, and she understands and supports parents' rights to approve whatever extra-curricular activities the parents disagree with... and to be honest - this kind of "program" is truly extra-curricular - not within the school's main focus.

I don’t believe in the “if it feels good, do it” mentality. When year after year there is something questionable being done in the school system under the guise of “it’s fun for the kids” and there’s no logical or reasonable connection to education – it is up to me to protect my children from that type of thinking and mentality.

Why not just take Kenzie out of school so you can shelter her from anything else taboo since you don't want her to "figure it out on her own". How do you think children learn? I can guarantee that it is not by their parents preaching.

Take Kenzie out of public school? Hmmmm.... tempting. Especially when I come across comments like yours from those upcoming teachers who think they know more than the parents about what their kids should be exposed to in school.

Gee, you’re right – parents preaching will tend to have the opposite effect. Looks like your education (whether it was from college or personal experience) has taught you something. However, as stated previously, I walked her through a set of questions to have her come to the conclusion that this is just not appropriate wear for school.

There is plenty of evidence and research that shows kids learn more from their parents in the early years than from any one else. If a parent lays the foundation, the child can build upon that. And when a parent gives a child a safe and loving home, and the child knows they can talk with their parents, and that their parents care about what happens to them, the children are less likely to follow the crowd, especially if they’ve been given the opportunity and taught how to think things out for themselves.

It takes a parent to help them learn this process – they aren't born knowing how to do this from birth. But if a parent doesn’t do their job and figures the kid will just learn stuff from the other kids – then that child will not have any foundation to build on.

Yes, kids can be led astray from the foundations laid by parents. No-brainer there. And that is facilitated - even encouraged - when parents begin to abdicate their responsibility to teach their kids right from wrong and leave it in the hands of the school or other caregivers – or when they just plain don’t care anymore after the child reaches a certain age.

Parenting isn’t just picking the kid up from a daycare or school and feeding it then putting it to bed. (Lest you further misinterpret that statement, I am talking about children as if they are objects to demonstrate how some parents do not treat their children as sentient beings and therefore needing more than just the basics of food and shelter. I have seen many a parent who believes that as long as they feed, clothe and give their kids a bed to sleep in, they have done their job.

It is completely disheartening when I know this is how the child is treated by his/her own parents. When you are teaching, you will learn to recognize the kids who come from families who parent and those who don’t.) I thank GOD that this is the exception to the vast number of parents in the world - most treasure their children beyond measure and would stand between their child and a charging lion (or rhino, or elephant, ect.).

The key is to be involved in a child’s life – talking with our children, taking advantage of those “learning moments” when you and your child see something that is considered bad or inappropriate behavior and discussing with your child about why it is bad, allowing him or her to participate in the conversation – that’s how kids learn – by active involvement. It is keeping the lines of communication open – to allow the child to express themselves and to actually listen to them – not to just give lip service of “uh-huh, uh-huh” as they talk. HEAR them, for real.

You have completely blown this out of proportion. Thank you for preparing me for the controlling and obnoxious parents I will probably encounter when I begin teaching.

Please remember that those “controlling” and “obnoxious” parents you are loathe to deal with in the future are the ones who are also paying your salary… Unless you will be teaching at a private school, you will be paid by state and federal funds, which come from us – the taxpayers – and that includes us “controlling” parents.

However, you are welcome… if this is preparing you for the parents who love their kids and who are more than aware of the pitfalls schools tend to go down and take action to protect their children from idealogy gone amuck… then I’m happy to be of service.

Your protestations make me wonder about your own childhood and relationship with your parents. Perhaps yours was not the happiest of upbringings. We reveal much about ourselves when we write… sometimes inadvertently… I know as a teenager and young adult, I had no respect for my parents and what they would tell me about life and my behaviors. At that time, and in my eyes, they were – in your words – controlling. Today, after living on my own for 18 years, then being married for 10.5 years and then with children in our home for the last 5 – I realize they were amongst the wisest people I have ever known. And that they loved me.

And just for the record, one final note:

I am making an assumption here that you don’t have kids. You don’t mention any, so I am going to make this observation based on the fact that most people who have kids and want to comment mention their children as a basis for their opinions.

I love it when someone who has never raised a child themselves tries to tell me how to raise my kids or that I’m wrong to parent the way I do. It never fails that someone who has no 24/7, full time, hands-on, bonded, attached, connected-heart-mind-and-soul experience with children thinks they know so much more than those of us who are forever our childrens' parents.

It's obvious to me that those who have no child-rearing experience have so much to teach those of us who are actually doing the job of rearing our children.

I know before adopting our daughters, I read tons of books and articles on child-rearing. But with all that knowledge in those books, nothing prepares you for the real thing. Nothing. When you have your own children, please share with us your experiences – you may find that your attitude might change a little in regards to how much you think you know about “controlling” parents and what they really want for their kids.

Good luck in your chosen profession, Maria.

Jia grieves for her Chinese mommy

2009-06-18T08:19:00.000-07:00

Don't ask me how we got on the subject, but last night, for about the third time since we've had Jia, I told her about how her Chinese mommy left her to be found so she could be taken care of by someone else. In this case, she was taken to an orphanage and cared for until we could come adopt her and be her family.

Jia asked many questions - mostly why did her Chinese mommy not keep her. I told her that no one knows why... her family didn't leave a note stating why they left her...

She got real quiet, and the look on her face said that she was finally processing the information.

She said, "That's so sad."

I told her I agreed.

She said, "I wish my Chinese mommy could keep me."

I told her I understood how she felt. I told her that even though she didn't have her Chinese mommy - she has a new family that loves her dearly and want to give her all the things her Chinese family would probably have wanted for her as well... a good education, fun activities like dance lessons and gymnastics and swim lessons, and lots of hugs and kisses, and a sister to enjoy life with.

She was holding back - and acted like she didn't want to cry. I reached out to her more than once to hold her, but she made no move to come to me. I finally said, "Please, honey, let me hold you. Let me love you."

She then began to cry and came to me. I held her and rocked her as she held tightly to me and sobbed and cried for her Chinese mommy. Over and over again, she would say, "I wish my Chinese mommy kept me." All I could do was kiss her and stroke her hair and tell her "I know".
Kenzie and daddy came up to see what all the commotion was. I told them that Jia was grieving for her Chinese mommy, and I think it surprised Roy. Kenzie's comment was, "Why?"

Then Kenzie got up on the bed and started goofing off - which made Jia smile. She stated again (to Kenzie) that she wished her Chinese mommy had kept her. Kenzie just kept on goofing. Then Jia said to Kenzie, "You have a Chinese mommy, too, Kenzie."

Kenzie's reply? "Yeah... So?" Then more goofing. It doesn't seem to affect Kenzie yet that there was a mother who had given birth to her but didn't keep her. She just doesn't care at this point.

Later, as Jia was in bed and I was trying to get her to sleep, she said she missed her Chinese mommy. But then she was very loving and wanted lots of hugs and kisses - then told me to leave - she didn't need me. I have a feeling she is going to take some time to process this, and there will be more questions.

There's no easy way through this and there's no way to soften the blow. It will just run its course.

My Beach Babes

2009-06-14T21:23:00.000-07:00

Yes, I said beach babes. The girls are getting big enough not to be called babies - although that is how I'll always look at them, even when they are in their 30's (if I am blessed to live that long).

You know what my problem is? I think every picture I take is a freaking work of art. I took the girls to a local beach at a nearby lake (got a little turned around but finally found it) and began to take picture after picture... and when I got home to look at them all, I was really pleased with the outcome.

I said 'oooh I like this one' and 'aaaah that one is really nice' and 'this one is great!' or 'this one is even better' (like I would know a really good photograph from a polariod.) It has nothing to do with my ability as a photographer. Calling me a photographer is a joke. It's just I have these two adorable girls that rock my world every single day. I know that, but I can lie to myself a little, can't I?

Believe it or not - I had to doctor this one with photo editing software to get a woman's butt and legs out fo the pic - she was sitting in a folding chair and it just took something away from the photo.

Can you tell I doctored this one to get Kenzie's butt and leg out of it? I love the photo editing software I use - it's super simple, and made this a better pic. I know photographers do this all the time to create a better picture. Why not me?

The day was a blast, but the kids got home with sand in their crotch - can we say ouch???? - and a shower was next on the list. Water, water everywhere.

Little Lost Jia Jia

2009-06-10T11:20:00.000-07:00

I would just like to address how easy it is to lose a child.

I consider Roy and I to be fairly careful individuals when it comes to our children. We are constantly watching the kids and double checking where they are. We make them hold our hands, or they have to walk beside us, depending on where we are. But even the best of parents can end up losing a kid.

At the zoo, we had been watching the baboons (highly entertaining when they are fighting). Anyway, Roy, his mother, Kenzie and Jia started to walk away. I called out to Roy that I would catch up with them later.

So I continued to shoot some pictures… then walked on to the elephant area. When I caught up with Roy, I saw Grandma Geri and Kenzie, but no Jia. Roy looked at me and asked “Where’s Jia?”

I told him "Isn't she with you? She was walking behind you when you walked away."

That's when the realization set in that something had gone horribly wrong.

Panic…. Where the hell is she?

I yelled out her name, and someone came up to me and said, “She’s back there…” pointing to where the baboon area was.

Roy immediately walked back to find her sobbing for her mama. Evidently, she must have changed her mind about going with daddy and wanted to stay at the baboon area – but she didn’t tell mommy or daddy. And she wasn't even near me when I had begun walking away, or I would have seen her at that point. Both Roy and I made the assumption she was with the other because we didn't see her.

It made my heart sink to think that something bad could have happened to her. Even worse, I would blame myself if it had – I would have beaten myself up over it and wondered what was wrong with me that I didn’t watch her more carefully – assumptions or no assumptions. It would have been too easy for someone to step in and talk her into leaving with them… And it felt so good to hold her in my arms, to know she was safe. I can say that for the rest of the day – she was right by our sides and didn’t wander off anywhere.

So… communication and taking nothing for granted are the watchwords for both of us. And perhaps, Jia will appreciate more what it means to stay with one of us, rather than going off on her own without telling us. I want her to understand that we may be strict sometimes on what she can or cannot do, but it's because we love her.

The kids take pictures at the zoo

2009-06-07T20:34:00.000-07:00

I have two Kodak Easyshare C813 cameras that I bought last year. One specifically for Kenzie for her 6th birthday, and one for Jia. I had no idea if Jia would be able to handle a camera or not when I bought it, but I thought I might as well go ahead and get it to be prepared for when I would be able to give her one. When we met Jia, it was (painfully) obvious it would be awhile before she could be handed over a piece of equipment, let alone some of the toys she would be given.

Even more unfortunate for her, she has this incredibly strong sense of what is fair and right and even - she believes whatever Kenzie has, she should have. It has taken the last 7 months (the 10th will actually make 7 months since we took her into our lives) for her to calm down and she has really taken to listening to us and what we say. She used to have this horrible problem with touching things she shouldn't or was told not to, such as, slamming her hand down on a cash register at a mall kiosk, or touching computer keys when she was told not to, or touching food on a buffet that she didn't intend to take and eat. So much of what we take for granted in our every day lives meant nothing to her - she had no point of reference or understanding about what was acceptable and what was not.

But she has shown a lot of growth - and fortunately for us, she can internalize the pain of a time out and it has helped her know that for her actions, there will be consequences...

So when we were all going to go to the zoo this weekend, Kenzie wanted to take her camera. Jia was begging "Please mommy? I want a camera, too. I promise I won't drop it." (Another of her behaviors that was hard to get over and is starting to sink in... some of it is accidental - but she also does it on purpose- such as accidentally knocking a utensil off of the dining room table, and then she puts that one in the sink, gets another, and then immediately knocks that one off, too, looking at us as though we should just bust out laughing at her. Um... I don't think so.) I made a deal with Jia. I would allow her to take a camera, BUT... she had to follow the rules. The rules were 1) you don't take out the camera without mommy to supervise; 2) you have to hold it exactly the way mommy tells you to, and 3) you do everything mommy tells you to do with the camera until I'm comfortable that you can handle it. It is NOT a toy. This is a real camera and you must not mistreat it.

Her eyes lit up - you could almost see the fireworks going off inside her brain as she understood she was going to get to take pictures with a REAL camera.

Here are her very best ones. I only supervised, but she took the pics and I loved her results. The only thing I've done is resize the pics and slightly sharpen them due to the blurriness that occurs with resizing. I would have to say, not bad for a little kid just learning about photography.

Kenzie's behind - butts are always a fascinating subject to 5 year olds.

If you can't quite make it out - it's a walrus.

This sky shot is intentional. I watched as she framed the pic all by herself.

Great pic of a polar bear.

Good pic of Kenzie

I have no idea who this goofy looking woman is. Pay her no attention.

Daddy. Always a kid favorite!

Now, here are Kenzie's pictures. I think she keeps getting better and better as time goes by. Some interesting perspective shots, too..

Daddy & Grandma Geri

This "little" walrus was attracted to anyone who had facial hair. Um... it's a little male walrus. Wonder what that says about the animal world....

Kenzie climbed up on some seats facing the water where the walruses were and took this pic. I really liked it - and thought it an interesting perspective.

There's that annoying woman in green again.

A closeup of a couple sea lions.

Great pic of Grandma Geri.

And now for mommy's pics she took with Kenzie's camera (mine ran out of battery pretty quickly).These were at the water park in the zoo. Jia was scared to death to get under any of the water until I tricked her - and then she got so we couldn't get her out of it.

Wow... what a day!

Summer vacation starts

2009-06-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

Summer vacation started officially last Friday - May 30. That meant no more school for both our daughters. Kenzie and Jia are missing their school a LOT - and I'm going to be hard pressed to keep them occupied and happy.

We walked to a local park, but there were wasps and a very large bumblebee around all the equipment. So we walked further to a small stream near the park. The kids had a great time looking for pretty rocks. Even I enjoyed looking for rocks (was a rabid rock hound as a kid). However, that may not continue - I found out from our next door neighbor that there's a snapping turtle that lives in/near the creek. YIKES! My worst nightmare...

But here are pics from the creek.

We were also introduced to a new, small park. It's stretched out with tennis courts, a small child's playground, and a basketball court - in a quiet neighborhood with woods around the entire place. It's quiet and very nice for the kids. I think we'll probably go there a few times - it's not as crowded as some of the other well-known parks around town.

I'm hoping that we can find some other nice places for them to play and discover.

Haircut time

2009-05-24T07:02:00.000-07:00

With the weather getting hotter, the kids were begging for me to get them haircuts. They were so sweaty by the end of the day.

I hated to cut a lot of hair off - so I decided on leaving as much on their heads as possible and still getting it off their necks. Here you can see before and after pics. Jia's hair had really grown out over the last six months.

Jia Before

Kenzie Before

Looks to me like Jia loves the haircut process.
She saw Kenzie getting her haircut and was very cooperative.

Jia looks every inch the Broadway show girl.

Kenzie loves her haircut. And that smile
melts my heart, as always.

Oh, yeah. Broadway - here she comes.