Jia grieves for her Chinese mommy

Don't ask me how we got on the subject, but last night, for about the third time since we've had Jia, I told her about how her Chinese mommy left her to be found so she could be taken care of by someone else. In this case, she was taken to an orphanage and cared for until we could come adopt her and be her family.

Jia asked many questions - mostly why did her Chinese mommy not keep her. I told her that no one knows why... her family didn't leave a note stating why they left her...

She got real quiet, and the look on her face said that she was finally processing the information.

She said, "That's so sad."

I told her I agreed.

She said, "I wish my Chinese mommy could keep me."

I told her I understood how she felt. I told her that even though she didn't have her Chinese mommy - she has a new family that loves her dearly and want to give her all the things her Chinese family would probably have wanted for her as well... a good education, fun activities like dance lessons and gymnastics and swim lessons, and lots of hugs and kisses, and a sister to enjoy life with.

She was holding back - and acted like she didn't want to cry. I reached out to her more than once to hold her, but she made no move to come to me. I finally said, "Please, honey, let me hold you. Let me love you."

She then began to cry and came to me. I held her and rocked her as she held tightly to me and sobbed and cried for her Chinese mommy. Over and over again, she would say, "I wish my Chinese mommy kept me." All I could do was kiss her and stroke her hair and tell her "I know".
Kenzie and daddy came up to see what all the commotion was. I told them that Jia was grieving for her Chinese mommy, and I think it surprised Roy. Kenzie's comment was, "Why?"

Then Kenzie got up on the bed and started goofing off - which made Jia smile. She stated again (to Kenzie) that she wished her Chinese mommy had kept her. Kenzie just kept on goofing. Then Jia said to Kenzie, "You have a Chinese mommy, too, Kenzie."

Kenzie's reply? "Yeah... So?" Then more goofing. It doesn't seem to affect Kenzie yet that there was a mother who had given birth to her but didn't keep her. She just doesn't care at this point.

Later, as Jia was in bed and I was trying to get her to sleep, she said she missed her Chinese mommy. But then she was very loving and wanted lots of hugs and kisses - then told me to leave - she didn't need me. I have a feeling she is going to take some time to process this, and there will be more questions.

There's no easy way through this and there's no way to soften the blow. It will just run its course.

Little Lost Jia Jia

I would just like to address how easy it is to lose a child.

I consider Roy and I to be fairly careful individuals when it comes to our children. We are constantly watching the kids and double checking where they are. We make them hold our hands, or they have to walk beside us, depending on where we are. But even the best of parents can end up losing a kid.

At the zoo, we had been watching the baboons (highly entertaining when they are fighting). Anyway, Roy, his mother, Kenzie and Jia started to walk away. I called out to Roy that I would catch up with them later.

So I continued to shoot some pictures… then walked on to the elephant area. When I caught up with Roy, I saw Grandma Geri and Kenzie, but no Jia. Roy looked at me and asked “Where’s Jia?”

I told him "Isn't she with you? She was walking behind you when you walked away."

That's when the realization set in that something had gone horribly wrong.

Panic…. Where the hell is she?

I yelled out her name, and someone came up to me and said, “She’s back there…” pointing to where the baboon area was.

Roy immediately walked back to find her sobbing for her mama. Evidently, she must have changed her mind about going with daddy and wanted to stay at the baboon area – but she didn’t tell mommy or daddy. And she wasn't even near me when I had begun walking away, or I would have seen her at that point. Both Roy and I made the assumption she was with the other because we didn't see her.

It made my heart sink to think that something bad could have happened to her. Even worse, I would blame myself if it had – I would have beaten myself up over it and wondered what was wrong with me that I didn’t watch her more carefully – assumptions or no assumptions. It would have been too easy for someone to step in and talk her into leaving with them… And it felt so good to hold her in my arms, to know she was safe. I can say that for the rest of the day – she was right by our sides and didn’t wander off anywhere.

So… communication and taking nothing for granted are the watchwords for both of us. And perhaps, Jia will appreciate more what it means to stay with one of us, rather than going off on her own without telling us. I want her to understand that we may be strict sometimes on what she can or cannot do, but it's because we love her.