... it didn't seem to even register with her.
Yesterday, we went to the doctor's office and the doc told mom the news... the MRI shows moderate atrophying of her brain, and that she had alzheimer's. It didn't show any problems with the ventricles and there didn't appear to be any indication that she'd had any fluid on the brain at any time.
Mom replied, "So physically I'm okay?"
Doctor: "Yes, physically you seem to be in great shape. But as we age, our blood vessels in our bodies break down and become weak like the rest of the body, which can increase the possibility of stroke, so it's important that you be careful to keep your blood pressure low and to watch your diabetes. "
Mom: "So physically, I'm in great shape!"
It was clear it really wasn't sinking in at that moment.
On the other hand, we met with Richelle's teacher last night for a parent/teacher conference. When we walked in, Roy (with a big smirk on his face) said to her, "If at the end of this year you decide to retire, we'll understand." Mrs. G. laughed at this. I'm sure she's had tougher kids to work with than Richelle, but as we have learned, Richelle, at times, has her own idea of what she wants. Sometimes, she'll be given a task and she'll go off and do whatever she wants to do. She has trouble with talking too much and too loud... no surprise there. But for only being in the U.S. for a year and having learned what she has learned, Mrs. G. thought she was doing incredibly well. Richelle will have to learn how to adapt so she can get along in first grade. At least she's motivated to learn. She tells us she has to catch up to Kenzie.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
The joke will be on me
The joke about mom's condition will be on me...
Both her sisters have Alzheimer's. My great uncle and my great grandmother on my father's side had Alzheimer's.
I joke that I'm next. But it may not be such a joke. I'd like to think that I've inherited more of my father's DNA than my mother's.
OK, enough of the morbid. Back to the here and now.
Both her sisters have Alzheimer's. My great uncle and my great grandmother on my father's side had Alzheimer's.
I joke that I'm next. But it may not be such a joke. I'd like to think that I've inherited more of my father's DNA than my mother's.
OK, enough of the morbid. Back to the here and now.
Mom's diagnosis is official
I had gone back to the doctor to find out what the neurologist's report was on mom's MRI. Sadly, she has alzheimer's.
I found a website, Alzheimer's Association, and was able to read about how an MRI can determine if a patient has the disease. It showed how the brain atrophies and shrinks, and why it is believed to happen.
Early Alzheimer's can begin 20 years or more before diagnosis. Mild to moderate Alzheimer's lasts from approximately 2-10 years. Severe Alzheimer's might last from 1-5 years.
I will be going to the doctor with mom to have the doc break the news to mom and to find out if they can determine if mom's is early or mild to moderate.
Meanwhile, at the household, Kenzie has been sick. She's had a nasty fever, cough, and runny nose. The fever is down right now, and the school and I have the same philosophy - keep the kid out until she's been fever free for 24 hours. So, she's feeling much better today, but I need to make sure there's no spiking of her temperature. It has been going up and down as she fights off the bug.
Funny, when she was sick, she was fairly quiet and basically laid in bed watching tv. I can always tell when Kenzie is feeling better. She begins to whine.
I found a website, Alzheimer's Association, and was able to read about how an MRI can determine if a patient has the disease. It showed how the brain atrophies and shrinks, and why it is believed to happen.
Early Alzheimer's can begin 20 years or more before diagnosis. Mild to moderate Alzheimer's lasts from approximately 2-10 years. Severe Alzheimer's might last from 1-5 years.
I will be going to the doctor with mom to have the doc break the news to mom and to find out if they can determine if mom's is early or mild to moderate.
Meanwhile, at the household, Kenzie has been sick. She's had a nasty fever, cough, and runny nose. The fever is down right now, and the school and I have the same philosophy - keep the kid out until she's been fever free for 24 hours. So, she's feeling much better today, but I need to make sure there's no spiking of her temperature. It has been going up and down as she fights off the bug.
Funny, when she was sick, she was fairly quiet and basically laid in bed watching tv. I can always tell when Kenzie is feeling better. She begins to whine.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Precious thoughts
Last night, as I was laying down in bed with Kenzie, she kept saying "I can't go to sleep, mommy."
I finally asked her why. She said, "I don't want you to die."
I laughed soflty and said, "Well, I'm not dying right now and I'm very much alive. I won't die for quite a long time... so let's get some shut-eye and go to sleep."
She grabbed my arms and put her hand in mine, snuggling close and I kissed her head. She then asked, "Why do parents die before their children?"
I told her that usually, that is how things happen. We grow older, and our bodies get weaker and wear out. If we take good care of ourselves, we will live a long time, unless there is an accident. But parents need to live long enough for their kids to be independent and able to take care of themselves. That she was not to worry... by the time she was grown up and I was old, she would be asking herself "Hasn't she kicked off yet?"
Kenzie didn't find that funny. I guess I like the morbid humor, but Kenzie is really feeling a little insecure about death. I did, too, as a child. But I have had to work through that fear of being without my parents. As a kid, and even as a young adult, I felt that my life would not be worth anything if I didn't have my mom and dad.
And to be honest, it took me a long time to reconcile their dying with the natural order of things. By the time my father had his stroke, and then after 2 years dealing with that, he began to suffer mini-strokes and his body began to just shut down on him, I felt that death would be a blessing for him. He was in pain, confused, and had no life other than experiencing the process of dying. I always believed when he died, I'd break down and be an emotional wreck. But when the time came, I felt he was finally at peace. It was my mom who was the emotional wreck. I 'm sure she thought that there would be some kind of miracle and dad would pull through. So, I ended up being strong for her.
I hope I can help Kenzie understand and deal with death in a constructive and positive way. I don't expect her to shut down her emotions, but I want her to not fear our deaths so that it disrupts her life.
Then last night, in the middle of the night, I heard Richelle call, "Mommy..."
I woke up and asked "Huh?"
"I want to give you a hug."
Can't tell you how long it's been since I've been waiting for something like that. I reached over and held her, kissing her head a couple of times. And then she said, "I just wanted to give you a hug." (As if the kissing thing was just a little overboard.)
LOL! That's my girl.
I finally asked her why. She said, "I don't want you to die."
I laughed soflty and said, "Well, I'm not dying right now and I'm very much alive. I won't die for quite a long time... so let's get some shut-eye and go to sleep."
She grabbed my arms and put her hand in mine, snuggling close and I kissed her head. She then asked, "Why do parents die before their children?"
I told her that usually, that is how things happen. We grow older, and our bodies get weaker and wear out. If we take good care of ourselves, we will live a long time, unless there is an accident. But parents need to live long enough for their kids to be independent and able to take care of themselves. That she was not to worry... by the time she was grown up and I was old, she would be asking herself "Hasn't she kicked off yet?"
Kenzie didn't find that funny. I guess I like the morbid humor, but Kenzie is really feeling a little insecure about death. I did, too, as a child. But I have had to work through that fear of being without my parents. As a kid, and even as a young adult, I felt that my life would not be worth anything if I didn't have my mom and dad.
And to be honest, it took me a long time to reconcile their dying with the natural order of things. By the time my father had his stroke, and then after 2 years dealing with that, he began to suffer mini-strokes and his body began to just shut down on him, I felt that death would be a blessing for him. He was in pain, confused, and had no life other than experiencing the process of dying. I always believed when he died, I'd break down and be an emotional wreck. But when the time came, I felt he was finally at peace. It was my mom who was the emotional wreck. I 'm sure she thought that there would be some kind of miracle and dad would pull through. So, I ended up being strong for her.
I hope I can help Kenzie understand and deal with death in a constructive and positive way. I don't expect her to shut down her emotions, but I want her to not fear our deaths so that it disrupts her life.
Then last night, in the middle of the night, I heard Richelle call, "Mommy..."
I woke up and asked "Huh?"
"I want to give you a hug."
Can't tell you how long it's been since I've been waiting for something like that. I reached over and held her, kissing her head a couple of times. And then she said, "I just wanted to give you a hug." (As if the kissing thing was just a little overboard.)
LOL! That's my girl.
Monday, October 05, 2009
Transient Ischemic Attacks?
Last Thursday morning, when I took mom her meds, I noticed a huge difference in her. She wasn't as aware, and had trouble eating. More to the point, she had trouble seeing what she was trying to eat. She'd dropped some scrambled eggs into her cereal bowl, and when trying to get it out of the bowl with her fork, she was banging the outside of the bowl with the fork. She couldn't figure out where the inside of the bowl was. She gave up on that, and tried to grab the egg with her fingers, but instead grabbed a pinch of cereal.
Then, as I walked her back to her room, she was having trouble walking, and even had to stop to catch her breath, even though she was walking very slowly.
I took her to the emergency room, and they ran a battery of tests on her (blood cultures, CAT scan, EKG) and it came back that she had a urinary tract infection. I also found out why she was on warfarin. She has an atrial fibrillation in her heartbeat, so they prescribe the blood thinner to keep her from having a heart attack due to that. (Funny no one ever told me before - not even her heart doctor.)
The emergency room doctor (can you believe his last name is Slaughter? - oh, yeah!) said that they also thought she'd had a Transient Ischemic Attack, which is a fancy way of saying that she probably suffered a loss of oxygen to the brain for a short period of time, what many of us call mini-strokes.
The staff gave me the name of a neurologist to follow up with - and would you believe that the first appointment for that doctor was 3 weeks from today? HUH? I told them to schedule me with whomever had the earliest appointment. I have no idea who that is, but I desperately need to get her checked out. It still only gets her into the neurologist for an MRI in two weeks. Hopefully, she can hold on till then and nothing more serious happens. She has been complaining that she is seeing double. She also can't even tell where the lock is on her door to her apartment, so she is having trouble locking it before she leaves.
I'm so scared of what is going on. My worry is that something is causing pressure on her brain in the area where sight is processed. We'll see....
Then, as I walked her back to her room, she was having trouble walking, and even had to stop to catch her breath, even though she was walking very slowly.
I took her to the emergency room, and they ran a battery of tests on her (blood cultures, CAT scan, EKG) and it came back that she had a urinary tract infection. I also found out why she was on warfarin. She has an atrial fibrillation in her heartbeat, so they prescribe the blood thinner to keep her from having a heart attack due to that. (Funny no one ever told me before - not even her heart doctor.)
The emergency room doctor (can you believe his last name is Slaughter? - oh, yeah!) said that they also thought she'd had a Transient Ischemic Attack, which is a fancy way of saying that she probably suffered a loss of oxygen to the brain for a short period of time, what many of us call mini-strokes.
The staff gave me the name of a neurologist to follow up with - and would you believe that the first appointment for that doctor was 3 weeks from today? HUH? I told them to schedule me with whomever had the earliest appointment. I have no idea who that is, but I desperately need to get her checked out. It still only gets her into the neurologist for an MRI in two weeks. Hopefully, she can hold on till then and nothing more serious happens. She has been complaining that she is seeing double. She also can't even tell where the lock is on her door to her apartment, so she is having trouble locking it before she leaves.
I'm so scared of what is going on. My worry is that something is causing pressure on her brain in the area where sight is processed. We'll see....
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Learning how to deal with mom...
Mom is declining in her mental capabilities... that has been talked about in previous posts... but I had no idea some of the things that she had been doing until I talked with some of the neighbors.
She had stood out at the end of her driveway waving some papers around asking people "Can you tell me what this is? I don't know what this is."
Our neighbor, who lives right across the street and has been our neighbor for around 45+ years, walked over to look at what was in her hand. It was dollar bills - 50's, 20's, etc... a wad of them. Mom couldn't tell that this was money or even how much each bill was worth. I've had something similar happen to me while with mom when we went out to eat prior to when she fractured her pelvis back in April. She pulled out a $50 bill and asked what it was. She was holding it upside down and looking at the back of it. I told her if she'd turn it right side up and turn it around so she was looking at the front of the bill, she could probably tell. Instead, she turned it around but kept it upside down and she still couldn't tell. So, I turned it right side up for her to see, but she still couldn't tell. She asked if it was a $5 bill. EEEEEEEKS! I could see someone not so very honest taking advantage of her. Perhaps this might explain why she would have thousands of dollars in her home and then not be able to find it... she could have had it in her purse and not know what she was looking at, thinking a $100 bill was a $1 bill.... and someone saw an opportunity. Who knows...
There was another time when a neighbor and her husband who lived down the street from mom (we've known them ever since we had lived on the street in our old neighborhood) took her to the store. Later that evening, mom called her next door neighbor Jeannette and told her that Dale (the husband) had kept her purse, because she couldn't find her purse. Jeannette called Melissa's house at 10 pm and told her what mom was saying - and Melissa told Jeannette that mom had her purse with her because she had to have it to get her keys out to get into the house. Jeannette went over to look for her purse, and found it on a kitchen chair where mom had left it.
I also have seen where mom will look for her purse, and it is sitting on top of the cabinets where she left it, but she will walk by it several times, not even seeing it. It's like it just doesn't register in her brain as to what she is looking at.
I'm sure there are more horror stories - and I'm not sure whether I want to hear them all or not... but maybe I should be recording them for a future time when I may need to have that documentation.
Mom also suffers from "Sundowner's" - which is what they call it when sometime late in the day,the elderly begin to become difficult, unreasonable, aggresive, and sometimes uncontrollable. With mom, she hates everyone and everything by that point in the day (it begins at 2-3 pm and builds over the day until by the evening, she's spoiling for a fight with someone). Nothing is good, everyone is out to do her in, no one is nice, and everyone is a bitch or a bastard and she's the victim of some evil plot. She wants to go home because she hates it at the assisted living place. However, mom's forgotten how she had told her friends and neighbors, crying, that she hated living in her house and she'd rather just die. I'm sure feelings about living alone in her house was revealed to her friends in the late afternoon or evening.
Mom never made any effort to get out and be with other people, other than her friend Phyllis or her friend and neighbor Jeannette. She has no hobbies (try to get her to do something and she'll find a million reasons why she can't or won't - she doesn't even give anything a try). She can't read anything any more - and she wasn't an avid reader to begin with, so it's not hard to make the leap from not reading much to not reading at all. I think part of this is that the words she reads on the page don't translate to her brain. She has no idea what the words are, she can't make sense of words... even though with her glasses on, she can tell you the letters she's seeing either close up or far away.
I talked with her doctor the other day (she is now seeing my doctor - who restored my faith in the medical profession due to her caring and intelligent way she handles my medical problems - she actually listens to what the patient is saying and doesn't pre-judge what is going on, and she pays attention to my many drug allergies). She prescribed something to help mom with her sundowner's - and hopefully this will help both the staff (who are great and very caring people) and me (when I have to come in the evening to make sure she's taking her medication at the proper time).
In the mornings, she's doing great - and can understand the reasoning behind why I have placed her where she is. She realizes that if she were to fall at home, or outside the house, or have an accident of some kind where she wasn't able to get to a phone or call out for help, she could lay there for days and no one would know. At least here, someone is going to see her and/or will come looking for her if she doesn't show up at certain times of the day.
I'm learning not to take the tirades in the evening seriously... to smile and say ok. To let her rant and put up a fuss, because tomorrow morning, she'll feel so grateful that I'm back and tell me her fears that she thought after what she did I'd never come again. It's like a little child. I have to tell her (just like I tell my girls) that no matter what, I love her and I will never just leave her or abandon her. She's my mom, and even though she is a little cranky at night (an understatement for her sake) I still love her and I know she still loves me. We're mother and daughter and we fuss with each other from time to time... but we do love each other.
She had stood out at the end of her driveway waving some papers around asking people "Can you tell me what this is? I don't know what this is."
Our neighbor, who lives right across the street and has been our neighbor for around 45+ years, walked over to look at what was in her hand. It was dollar bills - 50's, 20's, etc... a wad of them. Mom couldn't tell that this was money or even how much each bill was worth. I've had something similar happen to me while with mom when we went out to eat prior to when she fractured her pelvis back in April. She pulled out a $50 bill and asked what it was. She was holding it upside down and looking at the back of it. I told her if she'd turn it right side up and turn it around so she was looking at the front of the bill, she could probably tell. Instead, she turned it around but kept it upside down and she still couldn't tell. So, I turned it right side up for her to see, but she still couldn't tell. She asked if it was a $5 bill. EEEEEEEKS! I could see someone not so very honest taking advantage of her. Perhaps this might explain why she would have thousands of dollars in her home and then not be able to find it... she could have had it in her purse and not know what she was looking at, thinking a $100 bill was a $1 bill.... and someone saw an opportunity. Who knows...
There was another time when a neighbor and her husband who lived down the street from mom (we've known them ever since we had lived on the street in our old neighborhood) took her to the store. Later that evening, mom called her next door neighbor Jeannette and told her that Dale (the husband) had kept her purse, because she couldn't find her purse. Jeannette called Melissa's house at 10 pm and told her what mom was saying - and Melissa told Jeannette that mom had her purse with her because she had to have it to get her keys out to get into the house. Jeannette went over to look for her purse, and found it on a kitchen chair where mom had left it.
I also have seen where mom will look for her purse, and it is sitting on top of the cabinets where she left it, but she will walk by it several times, not even seeing it. It's like it just doesn't register in her brain as to what she is looking at.
I'm sure there are more horror stories - and I'm not sure whether I want to hear them all or not... but maybe I should be recording them for a future time when I may need to have that documentation.
Mom also suffers from "Sundowner's" - which is what they call it when sometime late in the day,the elderly begin to become difficult, unreasonable, aggresive, and sometimes uncontrollable. With mom, she hates everyone and everything by that point in the day (it begins at 2-3 pm and builds over the day until by the evening, she's spoiling for a fight with someone). Nothing is good, everyone is out to do her in, no one is nice, and everyone is a bitch or a bastard and she's the victim of some evil plot. She wants to go home because she hates it at the assisted living place. However, mom's forgotten how she had told her friends and neighbors, crying, that she hated living in her house and she'd rather just die. I'm sure feelings about living alone in her house was revealed to her friends in the late afternoon or evening.
Mom never made any effort to get out and be with other people, other than her friend Phyllis or her friend and neighbor Jeannette. She has no hobbies (try to get her to do something and she'll find a million reasons why she can't or won't - she doesn't even give anything a try). She can't read anything any more - and she wasn't an avid reader to begin with, so it's not hard to make the leap from not reading much to not reading at all. I think part of this is that the words she reads on the page don't translate to her brain. She has no idea what the words are, she can't make sense of words... even though with her glasses on, she can tell you the letters she's seeing either close up or far away.
I talked with her doctor the other day (she is now seeing my doctor - who restored my faith in the medical profession due to her caring and intelligent way she handles my medical problems - she actually listens to what the patient is saying and doesn't pre-judge what is going on, and she pays attention to my many drug allergies). She prescribed something to help mom with her sundowner's - and hopefully this will help both the staff (who are great and very caring people) and me (when I have to come in the evening to make sure she's taking her medication at the proper time).
In the mornings, she's doing great - and can understand the reasoning behind why I have placed her where she is. She realizes that if she were to fall at home, or outside the house, or have an accident of some kind where she wasn't able to get to a phone or call out for help, she could lay there for days and no one would know. At least here, someone is going to see her and/or will come looking for her if she doesn't show up at certain times of the day.
I'm learning not to take the tirades in the evening seriously... to smile and say ok. To let her rant and put up a fuss, because tomorrow morning, she'll feel so grateful that I'm back and tell me her fears that she thought after what she did I'd never come again. It's like a little child. I have to tell her (just like I tell my girls) that no matter what, I love her and I will never just leave her or abandon her. She's my mom, and even though she is a little cranky at night (an understatement for her sake) I still love her and I know she still loves me. We're mother and daughter and we fuss with each other from time to time... but we do love each other.
I'll be glad to see her new tv get delivered on Saturday. That will help her a tremendous amount with the boredom in the evenings.
She has a heart that is healthy and strong again, due to her bypass surgery. Her blood pressure is amazing, and there doesn't seem to be any problems with her cholesterol or other body functions. So physically, if she doesn't have a major accident, she could live another 10-20 years. But her mind is going into a twilight that she may never recover from. I so dread that - mostly because her granddaughters don't get to have the Memaw they deserve to have.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Aaaahhhhh!
Finally got mom into the assisted living place. I feel a little relief that I don't have to worry how she is doing... now she's 5 minutes away and with people who should be able to help her immediately if she needs it.
So, now I can revel in the pictures I took over Labor Day weekend... we saw the kinfolk and had a great visit with Grandma Geri - although I ended up with bronchitis from the hotel's air conditioning by the end of the trip. Had to go to the emergency room by the time we got back home.
Oh, yeah! I recognize that face... we see that one a lot.
Wow - look at those eyes - they are piercing and intense. And she's only 5.
They look like they could have their own band.
Believe it or not, she's only singing the ABC song.
The kids spent more time trying to tie on their aprons than actually building anything.
Waiting for the train at a station in Des Plaines.
The Field Museum
So, now I can revel in the pictures I took over Labor Day weekend... we saw the kinfolk and had a great visit with Grandma Geri - although I ended up with bronchitis from the hotel's air conditioning by the end of the trip. Had to go to the emergency room by the time we got back home.
Oh, yeah! I recognize that face... we see that one a lot.
Wow - look at those eyes - they are piercing and intense. And she's only 5.
They look like they could have their own band.
Believe it or not, she's only singing the ABC song.
The kids spent more time trying to tie on their aprons than actually building anything.
Waiting for the train at a station in Des Plaines.
The Field Museum
Friday, September 11, 2009
Flower power
Pics taken while on vacation. I love flowers. If you want to see the detail, click on the pic - it will give you a good sized photo (downsized from the original, but still large enough to get a richly detailed look.) I'll have to catch y'all up on what's going on later - it's been hectic and crazy - and not in a good way. This is my way of saying I need to be more at peace right now...
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Taking care of mother
I have been spending most of my time these last few days taking care of my mom.
Monday, I took her to an assisted living place here and let her stay to see if she liked it. She was having such a good time, I just left and told her I'd pick her up later. When I came to get her, it was difficult to get her out the door. Once we were out, and I had her in the car, she (in her typical fashion) started finding fault with the place, complaining that it was too cold and her shoulders hurt, and she didn't think she could stay somewhere like that.
I told her that that was what sweaters were for... I found out that they had given her a blanket to put around her shoulders, and still she complained... ugh!
The ride home was frustrating. She was saying she didn't want to give up her home, and that she was mad that she would have to sell her car and she was able to take care of herself. I got so frustrated, trying to point out that she is either overdosing herself on her meds or underdosing herself, that that alone will kill and I wanted her to enjoy the life she has without having to feel frustration and depression that she can't take care of herself properly right now.
We parted angry at each other. I called her friend, who was giving mom her meds for each day instead of us leaving them with her, and told her to bring all of mom's medicines back and let her take care of herself. Maybe it was risky - but I wanted to hammer home the point I had been trying to make - that she wasn't capable of doing the things she needed to be doing in order to remain healthy.
I called her a couple days later. My youngest brother had called mom stating he was in jail and needed her help to get bailed out. Mom hung up on him. Thankfully, she's not desperate enough to give him more money - he hasn't talked to her in over two years and now the only reason he called was to ask her for money. My husband and I made some inquiries and checked online to see if he had ever been arrested - and we found no information showing her had been arrested locally... perhaps he was arrested in another town or state. So, it appears he could have been scamming her. The last thing I'll do soon is go to the prosecutor's office to see if they can tell me anything. But I told mom what we found out at this point. She apologized and said to get her signed up for the assisted living. She admitted she can't do her medications and needed help. Thank GOD!!!!!!!!
I can't be there for her all the time - and neither can her neighbors. She needs to have minimum care, and to have people around 24/7 who will notice if she doesn't come out of her room, or are there right away to help her if she falls or has a physical problem. It's expensive, but far cheaper than a nursing home, and much more comfortable. They try to cook foods that people like, have activities that they will enjoy, and she has privacy when she wants it.
And, finally, she'll be closer, so it will be easier to help her.
And, finally, she'll be closer, so it will be easier to help her.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
More on Good Without God...
I have so far two comments on my post. Here is an excerpt from Peta-Marie:
The basis for knowing what is right, wrong, good, bad is having high morals and ethics which we learn from our parent, grandparents, family and our peers not a higher power.
And here is an excerpt from kiwi:
Its people's desire to abide by the laws of their society and internal conscience. Just because an athiest dsoen't believe in a higher power in the form of a god dosen't mean they think it is ok to commit crimes, or act in an immoral way.
Internal conscience? So.... does that mean you believe that we are born with an innate sense of right and wrong? If that is true, then we as parents would never have to teach our kids right and wrong - our children would just know.
And your statement that an atheist doesn't have to believe in a higher power in the form of a god - then what higher power do you think the atheist would believe in? Does the atheist become his/her own "higher power"? Webster describes atheist as one who believes there is no deity, which would include one's self, if taken to that extreme.
We are born neither good nor bad. We are born with needs that must be met in order to live. Then we have wants - we want our mother's attention, we want a puppy, we want a toy... We are born self-centered because it is all we know - we must have food, shelter and love to survive, and as humans we will do anything we can to get that. It is instinctual that we cry as babies to get those things we need. And without guidance, the self-centeredness will continue to be our nature
If parents teach morality to their kids - where did these moral principles come from? How far back do we go to establish where moral principles began?
If there is no religious background for determining what is right and wrong, it is possible that someone would think to themselves, "How would I want to be treated?" and base their actions on that assumption. (This also assumes their parents brought them up to think of others and not just themselves.) But what if that person didn't equate his moral choices on common decency and instead considered his actions moral based on other criteria? What if that person believed that they knew better than everyone else and that their choices were moral while the rest of us were idiots or morons for behaving in what we see as a moral fashion?
What if a society believed it moral to kill babies who are born "defective"? To kill elderly adults who have become a burden or outlived (by some arbitrary standard) their useful life? To allow one to steal from someone who has more when someone has less? If this is what a society believes as moral, if this is written into their laws, then would we still, as outsiders looking in, say that their actions are moral?
I just have all these questions and need a complete and intelligent discourse on how morality can be taught without there being some link to something other than one's own idea of right and wrong.
The basis for knowing what is right, wrong, good, bad is having high morals and ethics which we learn from our parent, grandparents, family and our peers not a higher power.
And here is an excerpt from kiwi:
Its people's desire to abide by the laws of their society and internal conscience. Just because an athiest dsoen't believe in a higher power in the form of a god dosen't mean they think it is ok to commit crimes, or act in an immoral way.
Internal conscience? So.... does that mean you believe that we are born with an innate sense of right and wrong? If that is true, then we as parents would never have to teach our kids right and wrong - our children would just know.
And your statement that an atheist doesn't have to believe in a higher power in the form of a god - then what higher power do you think the atheist would believe in? Does the atheist become his/her own "higher power"? Webster describes atheist as one who believes there is no deity, which would include one's self, if taken to that extreme.
We are born neither good nor bad. We are born with needs that must be met in order to live. Then we have wants - we want our mother's attention, we want a puppy, we want a toy... We are born self-centered because it is all we know - we must have food, shelter and love to survive, and as humans we will do anything we can to get that. It is instinctual that we cry as babies to get those things we need. And without guidance, the self-centeredness will continue to be our nature
If parents teach morality to their kids - where did these moral principles come from? How far back do we go to establish where moral principles began?
If there is no religious background for determining what is right and wrong, it is possible that someone would think to themselves, "How would I want to be treated?" and base their actions on that assumption. (This also assumes their parents brought them up to think of others and not just themselves.) But what if that person didn't equate his moral choices on common decency and instead considered his actions moral based on other criteria? What if that person believed that they knew better than everyone else and that their choices were moral while the rest of us were idiots or morons for behaving in what we see as a moral fashion?
What if a society believed it moral to kill babies who are born "defective"? To kill elderly adults who have become a burden or outlived (by some arbitrary standard) their useful life? To allow one to steal from someone who has more when someone has less? If this is what a society believes as moral, if this is written into their laws, then would we still, as outsiders looking in, say that their actions are moral?
I just have all these questions and need a complete and intelligent discourse on how morality can be taught without there being some link to something other than one's own idea of right and wrong.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Without God?
We had quite the bru-ha-ha here in our town about a slogan that was put on a bus. What was it?
You Can Be Good Without God.
My question is, if we have no moral compass as outlined by a higher power, then what do you base "good" on?
Without a higher power of some kind, no matter what name you call It, how does one judge what is right and what is wrong?
Enlighten me.
You Can Be Good Without God.
My question is, if we have no moral compass as outlined by a higher power, then what do you base "good" on?
Without a higher power of some kind, no matter what name you call It, how does one judge what is right and what is wrong?
Enlighten me.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
My take on the Health Care debate & our Nation's Debt
I have been extremely disappointed in how the healthcare debate has been handled by my congressman, Baron Hill, and other Democrats. It appears he is afraid of meeting face to face with the constituents he represents. With no prior warning, I get a phone call from an AARP phone conference already in progress the evening of 24 August, 2009. Being a 53 year old mother of two children (ages 5 & 6, adopted from China) I could not stay on because I had no one to watch my daughters or take care of their needs, as they needed to be getting ready for bed… and the format of the conference was not the personal approach I expected from my representative in congress. I listened long enough to hear that the answers he was giving were scripted and VAGUE enough not to really answer a question. This type of forum makes him look like a coward, and I'd like to believe he isn't one – but he isn't willing to go face to face with us. He needs to see that we are not crazy people, we are constituents who wants him to listen to us and hear us as a whole.
I will say that although I think Arlen Specter is a cretin, at least he had the guts to stand up and take the heat from the people he represented. However, his smirk and the way he turns away from those persons who voice opposite opinions from his and do not want the government interfering in their lives and who do not want the public option belies that he thinks he is better than us and that his constituents are nothing but ignorant sheep to be led by the nose to whatever place he wants them to go.
I believe people are getting angry (and rightly so) because instead of the Democrats listening to the constituents’ concerns and protests over a public option and a change to their healthcare – the Dems dismiss it as “fringe” and not representative of the majority of the nation. Ok - if that is the case, then where is the majority to be found if they are not showing up to the meetings and voicing their support? IF we as a majority have been silent too long, and only those who agreed with you showed up at forums previously, or wrote to you previously, then as a silent majority, we got what we deserved. But for God's sake - we are standing up now and wanting our voices to be counted - and finding that we are being sloughed off as one would unwanted dead skin. If our representatives will actually take our concerns seriously, and treat us with respect, then there would be far less rancor at some of these talks. Arlen Specter shows no real respect for his constituents, hence the anger and outrage across the nation at his treatment of American citizens. It's the same with other Dems as well.
There is an overwhelming rush to change the world as we know it - and although I'm not totally resistant to change - I am resistant to changing so quickly that no one knows what it will really mean in the long run - and the American people are not being allowed to give voice to their concerns, needs and opposition or support. I didn't like how Congress and the Senate goose-stepped to Obama's so-called "stimulus" package... and now Obama expects everyone to do the same with health care and cap and trade (which, by the way, will be bad for this nation as well - but that's another post).
The truth is, the majority has been silent too long, and now that we have a socialist in the White House, and we see our freedom and constitutional rights being eroded, ignored, and misinterpreted or misrepresented. We have had enough - enough of the lies, the abuse, the misuse, and the riding roughshod over our constitutional rights. Tell me - where in the constitution does it say that health care is an inalienable right of the people? Where does it guarantee that the government can force citizens to buy anything that they don’t want to buy? WHERE? If the answer is (as one Democratic leader put it) "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" as the excuse for either a public option or a single payer health care system, then that could also be used as an excuse for drug addiction, murder, or prostitution... what the hell - anything that makes you happy or allows you the life or liberty you choose. By all means - have at it folks!
I know there are better ways to handle the health care issues for Americans who have problems with their insurance companies - but for the vast majority of Americans - we're pretty darn okay with what we have. It isn't right for an insurance company to just drop you outright because you get a disease or problem that requires long-term or expensive treatment, but Congress can address that through legislation without having a public option or a single payer system in place.
With the crushing debt looming large over our nation, putting in place a health care reform that does not actually address the real issues is the true lunacy. Our Representatives ignore the problems with Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. Instead of addressing what is wrong about those programs, Congress instead says “Do over” and expects us to all be for the new way of doing business – which will just be the same old business as usual with any government program. Waste, fraud, slow service, inefficient service, and confusion over what is allowable and what is not. The bureaucracy will be much like the IRS – too many times people have called to have a question answered, and we get either a wrong answer or a “I dunno”. The rules are so complicated and fraught with this exception and that exception, that it is hard to get a definitive answer unless you talk to an expert – and usually, that comes from someone outside of the IRS who charges exhorbitant fees to give us the information we need.
I used to work for a small NASA contractor, and I can tell you that there were problems with the bureaucracy of NASA - they would ask us for information and, by the way, we need it by 5 pm end of business today. But when you needed information from them... well, the contracts have closed and we never did get answers to some of those questions.
I remember at one time there had been a surplus in the Social Security program. But because the government won’t look to the future and plan ahead, congress at that time found ways to dip into the Social Security program and take the money for purposes which it had never been intended. We would not be facing a crises for Social Security if congress had left well enough alone and let the surplus increase. Then those of our generation who are someday going to retire would not have to worry about whether or not they will be able to pay at least the very minimum of their everyday living expenses. And there would be no need to saddle any of our children with these issues as well.
We have people voted into office (including the President) and appointed by the President acting like children and treating the government as one big cookie jar that they can take whatever they want and as much as they want without regard to where the cookies are coming from. They act like we – the American people – are going to keep baking and replacing what has been taken. The debt we are being saddled with makes my stomach knot every time I think that this is what is owed and will be owed for generations to come, and I wonder how my children will be able to live when, in order to pay off this debt, we will have to tax every person and entity with taxes so high we might as well just make all of us slaves to the government.
Yes, I said it. This is what is happening to us as a nation. We are going to become slaves to the government – working only to pay off a debt that will never be payable. To think that I brought my children back from China and now China is going to own American before they are young adults. I wanted my children to know that they are self-directed, that they make their own choices and must live with the consequences of their actions. But that is not how the government treats us… the current administration considers us to be like children – that we must be told what to do and how to do it. It has been like that for a long time – even under Bush – and now it is even more pronounced with Obama’s administration.
I am urging our representatives to look ahead to the future and not vote for any of the bills currently being considered. Any bill that would come out of this process should be rewritten for the average American to read (including all of our representatives in the House and the Senate) so that we as a whole nation can understand what the bill is and what it means to us. And there should be ample time to read and respond - not 24 hours, but at least a week to 10 days. And there should be debate - now the heel-clicking, goose-stepping that I have seen from our representatives at the beginning of this administration.
If there IS disinformation, perhaps it is because the bills are so convoluted that no one can actually get through it and understand what it is saying. (However, I think that most of the Democrats are simply spouting a script and they haven't actually read and do not fully understand the bill they are supporting.) When lawyers are reading the bill and bringing the problematic issues to light, please don’t tell me that they are spreading disinformation…. aren't lawyers qualified to read and determine what the bill means to us? After all, hasn't this bill been crafted by lawyers? (Maybe that's reason enough not to trust it.)
I say the House and Senate should work to resolve this – rewrite the bill so that every American can read and understand what it means to them. To tell us that it has be be written in legal-ese in order to be passed is more of the same bullcrap we have been spoonfed by those representatives who want to retain power within the government. Lots of double talk, and keep the sheep ignorant of what's going on. Baaaaa-d for us...
Personally, I think that every American should be able to read any bill without any confusion and that it should be a right of the people – to know what is really in the bills that our representatives are voting on. The old KISS approach - Keep It Simple, Stupid!
As the nation struggles with mounting debt, layoffs, and a rush to socialism, I worry for the future of my two children. I brought them to this country of freedom only to find that it is slowly turning away from the basic principles that gave us that freedom, watching it become more and more like the communist country they left. Some of Obama’s tactics could have come from Mao’s playbook of programs he enacted. One that comes to mind is when the administration asked for people to report on others who were against the health care program or disseminating what they thought was “disinformation”. Mao had asked that people openly criticize the government so that they could improve upon it – only to take note who criticized and then to torture, kill, or “re-educate” those who spoke against the Communist regime. I don’t know that our government will go so far as to torture or kill us, but I’m damn sure they’re going to do their best to “re-educate” those of us who are not in lock-step with the government (how about them thar emails???? Not exactly making me comfortable with our government officials). Chilling that they want us to “tattle” on each other – again, they are acting like children and treating us like children. Where in the hell are the adults in charge?
Mark my words: Our representatives may think they have the power to run over us and do whatever the hell they want to - but they will find out come the next election year who really weilds the power and if they really do have the confidence of the American people.
Power to the people - let's take back our liberty.
I will say that although I think Arlen Specter is a cretin, at least he had the guts to stand up and take the heat from the people he represented. However, his smirk and the way he turns away from those persons who voice opposite opinions from his and do not want the government interfering in their lives and who do not want the public option belies that he thinks he is better than us and that his constituents are nothing but ignorant sheep to be led by the nose to whatever place he wants them to go.
I believe people are getting angry (and rightly so) because instead of the Democrats listening to the constituents’ concerns and protests over a public option and a change to their healthcare – the Dems dismiss it as “fringe” and not representative of the majority of the nation. Ok - if that is the case, then where is the majority to be found if they are not showing up to the meetings and voicing their support? IF we as a majority have been silent too long, and only those who agreed with you showed up at forums previously, or wrote to you previously, then as a silent majority, we got what we deserved. But for God's sake - we are standing up now and wanting our voices to be counted - and finding that we are being sloughed off as one would unwanted dead skin. If our representatives will actually take our concerns seriously, and treat us with respect, then there would be far less rancor at some of these talks. Arlen Specter shows no real respect for his constituents, hence the anger and outrage across the nation at his treatment of American citizens. It's the same with other Dems as well.
There is an overwhelming rush to change the world as we know it - and although I'm not totally resistant to change - I am resistant to changing so quickly that no one knows what it will really mean in the long run - and the American people are not being allowed to give voice to their concerns, needs and opposition or support. I didn't like how Congress and the Senate goose-stepped to Obama's so-called "stimulus" package... and now Obama expects everyone to do the same with health care and cap and trade (which, by the way, will be bad for this nation as well - but that's another post).
The truth is, the majority has been silent too long, and now that we have a socialist in the White House, and we see our freedom and constitutional rights being eroded, ignored, and misinterpreted or misrepresented. We have had enough - enough of the lies, the abuse, the misuse, and the riding roughshod over our constitutional rights. Tell me - where in the constitution does it say that health care is an inalienable right of the people? Where does it guarantee that the government can force citizens to buy anything that they don’t want to buy? WHERE? If the answer is (as one Democratic leader put it) "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" as the excuse for either a public option or a single payer health care system, then that could also be used as an excuse for drug addiction, murder, or prostitution... what the hell - anything that makes you happy or allows you the life or liberty you choose. By all means - have at it folks!
I know there are better ways to handle the health care issues for Americans who have problems with their insurance companies - but for the vast majority of Americans - we're pretty darn okay with what we have. It isn't right for an insurance company to just drop you outright because you get a disease or problem that requires long-term or expensive treatment, but Congress can address that through legislation without having a public option or a single payer system in place.
With the crushing debt looming large over our nation, putting in place a health care reform that does not actually address the real issues is the true lunacy. Our Representatives ignore the problems with Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. Instead of addressing what is wrong about those programs, Congress instead says “Do over” and expects us to all be for the new way of doing business – which will just be the same old business as usual with any government program. Waste, fraud, slow service, inefficient service, and confusion over what is allowable and what is not. The bureaucracy will be much like the IRS – too many times people have called to have a question answered, and we get either a wrong answer or a “I dunno”. The rules are so complicated and fraught with this exception and that exception, that it is hard to get a definitive answer unless you talk to an expert – and usually, that comes from someone outside of the IRS who charges exhorbitant fees to give us the information we need.
I used to work for a small NASA contractor, and I can tell you that there were problems with the bureaucracy of NASA - they would ask us for information and, by the way, we need it by 5 pm end of business today. But when you needed information from them... well, the contracts have closed and we never did get answers to some of those questions.
I remember at one time there had been a surplus in the Social Security program. But because the government won’t look to the future and plan ahead, congress at that time found ways to dip into the Social Security program and take the money for purposes which it had never been intended. We would not be facing a crises for Social Security if congress had left well enough alone and let the surplus increase. Then those of our generation who are someday going to retire would not have to worry about whether or not they will be able to pay at least the very minimum of their everyday living expenses. And there would be no need to saddle any of our children with these issues as well.
We have people voted into office (including the President) and appointed by the President acting like children and treating the government as one big cookie jar that they can take whatever they want and as much as they want without regard to where the cookies are coming from. They act like we – the American people – are going to keep baking and replacing what has been taken. The debt we are being saddled with makes my stomach knot every time I think that this is what is owed and will be owed for generations to come, and I wonder how my children will be able to live when, in order to pay off this debt, we will have to tax every person and entity with taxes so high we might as well just make all of us slaves to the government.
Yes, I said it. This is what is happening to us as a nation. We are going to become slaves to the government – working only to pay off a debt that will never be payable. To think that I brought my children back from China and now China is going to own American before they are young adults. I wanted my children to know that they are self-directed, that they make their own choices and must live with the consequences of their actions. But that is not how the government treats us… the current administration considers us to be like children – that we must be told what to do and how to do it. It has been like that for a long time – even under Bush – and now it is even more pronounced with Obama’s administration.
I am urging our representatives to look ahead to the future and not vote for any of the bills currently being considered. Any bill that would come out of this process should be rewritten for the average American to read (including all of our representatives in the House and the Senate) so that we as a whole nation can understand what the bill is and what it means to us. And there should be ample time to read and respond - not 24 hours, but at least a week to 10 days. And there should be debate - now the heel-clicking, goose-stepping that I have seen from our representatives at the beginning of this administration.
If there IS disinformation, perhaps it is because the bills are so convoluted that no one can actually get through it and understand what it is saying. (However, I think that most of the Democrats are simply spouting a script and they haven't actually read and do not fully understand the bill they are supporting.) When lawyers are reading the bill and bringing the problematic issues to light, please don’t tell me that they are spreading disinformation…. aren't lawyers qualified to read and determine what the bill means to us? After all, hasn't this bill been crafted by lawyers? (Maybe that's reason enough not to trust it.)
I say the House and Senate should work to resolve this – rewrite the bill so that every American can read and understand what it means to them. To tell us that it has be be written in legal-ese in order to be passed is more of the same bullcrap we have been spoonfed by those representatives who want to retain power within the government. Lots of double talk, and keep the sheep ignorant of what's going on. Baaaaa-d for us...
Personally, I think that every American should be able to read any bill without any confusion and that it should be a right of the people – to know what is really in the bills that our representatives are voting on. The old KISS approach - Keep It Simple, Stupid!
As the nation struggles with mounting debt, layoffs, and a rush to socialism, I worry for the future of my two children. I brought them to this country of freedom only to find that it is slowly turning away from the basic principles that gave us that freedom, watching it become more and more like the communist country they left. Some of Obama’s tactics could have come from Mao’s playbook of programs he enacted. One that comes to mind is when the administration asked for people to report on others who were against the health care program or disseminating what they thought was “disinformation”. Mao had asked that people openly criticize the government so that they could improve upon it – only to take note who criticized and then to torture, kill, or “re-educate” those who spoke against the Communist regime. I don’t know that our government will go so far as to torture or kill us, but I’m damn sure they’re going to do their best to “re-educate” those of us who are not in lock-step with the government (how about them thar emails???? Not exactly making me comfortable with our government officials). Chilling that they want us to “tattle” on each other – again, they are acting like children and treating us like children. Where in the hell are the adults in charge?
Mark my words: Our representatives may think they have the power to run over us and do whatever the hell they want to - but they will find out come the next election year who really weilds the power and if they really do have the confidence of the American people.
Power to the people - let's take back our liberty.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
A new car and some other pics
Mama got a new car! Daddy was very, very good to me...And I LOVE it! A Honda Accord. One thing I can say - every one who has owned one has told me they loved theirs as well. I hope to be as happy for a long time to come. It has to last at least 10-15 years.... that's how we keep our cars. Of course, with kids, I have no doubt that it will be trashed in less than a year.
Today, we took a walk on campus. Not far, but it was fun to see how Richelle took to everything. She is a natural for the camera. Kenzie is going through an awkward phase - she lost yet another tooth today and she only wants to grimace with all the teeth showing (or not showing - to be honest, she is showing off how many teeth are gone, not still there).
A Pair of Mandarin Ducks
Sisters for life
Running to her future
Statuesque
Today, we took a walk on campus. Not far, but it was fun to see how Richelle took to everything. She is a natural for the camera. Kenzie is going through an awkward phase - she lost yet another tooth today and she only wants to grimace with all the teeth showing (or not showing - to be honest, she is showing off how many teeth are gone, not still there).
A Pair of Mandarin Ducks
Sisters for life
Running to her future
StatuesqueThursday, August 13, 2009
How Jia picked the name Richelle
I had someone ask how Jia decided on the name Richelle. It is one of her middle names. She learned her full name fairly quickly - and had played around with being called Josie (her first name) but that faded too quickly. Plus, this mama had a hard time remembering to call her Josie... she just doesn't look like a Josie to me.
She really looks like a Richelle to me, and I think it fits her well. After hearing people mispronounce her name over and over , and seeing her friend from the orphanage using an American name, she came to her own conclusion that she wanted to be called Richelle.
Richelle was in honor of my father, whose name was Richard.
I have always said that Richelle reminds me so much of me as a kid... funny how things turn out. When I was in first grade, I remember getting sent to the coat closet for talking and not respecting Mrs. Clarissey's position as teacher. I was so ashamed... I cried buckets the whole time I was in there (which probably wasn't more than 5 minutes). I never ever talked when a teacher was talking again. Yeah, my daughter could have really been my bio kid - if not for the Chinese thing and my not giving birth to her... but other than that... she's just like me.
OMG... now I know what I'm in for as she grows up.
She really looks like a Richelle to me, and I think it fits her well. After hearing people mispronounce her name over and over , and seeing her friend from the orphanage using an American name, she came to her own conclusion that she wanted to be called Richelle.
Richelle was in honor of my father, whose name was Richard.
I have always said that Richelle reminds me so much of me as a kid... funny how things turn out. When I was in first grade, I remember getting sent to the coat closet for talking and not respecting Mrs. Clarissey's position as teacher. I was so ashamed... I cried buckets the whole time I was in there (which probably wasn't more than 5 minutes). I never ever talked when a teacher was talking again. Yeah, my daughter could have really been my bio kid - if not for the Chinese thing and my not giving birth to her... but other than that... she's just like me.
OMG... now I know what I'm in for as she grows up.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
A new name and the first day of school
First, ever since we saw one of Jia's orphanage mates at the adoption agency picnic, and she heard that she was being called by an American name, she decided she wanted to be called by one of her American names as well. So now, she insists on being called Richelle. Quite frankly, I think it fits her well.
Today was the first day of school. Kenzie and Richelle were beside themselves to go and have their first full day. So was mom... which should go without saying. Ahem...
Like a dummy, I didn't take my camera to take a picture of Richelle as she left for her first day - DUH! The grin on her face lit up the whole neighborhood. Of course, as the bus pulled up, she ran to me, so excited that the bus was here! Get on the bus, silly!
But I did take pictures of her after she got off the bus today... and that smile was still there. However, I will let you know she told me she did get a time out for talking. It's going to be a long school year for the teacher.
Today was the first day of school. Kenzie and Richelle were beside themselves to go and have their first full day. So was mom... which should go without saying. Ahem...
Like a dummy, I didn't take my camera to take a picture of Richelle as she left for her first day - DUH! The grin on her face lit up the whole neighborhood. Of course, as the bus pulled up, she ran to me, so excited that the bus was here! Get on the bus, silly!
But I did take pictures of her after she got off the bus today... and that smile was still there. However, I will let you know she told me she did get a time out for talking. It's going to be a long school year for the teacher.
Monday, July 27, 2009
SUCCESS!
Kenzie finally got the other tooth out. Now I have some awesome pics of her without teeth in front. I told her that although it looks cute on a little girl to not have teeth in front, it looks really bad on an older woman. She just gave me a look that told me she couldn't understand how that could happen.
I can see the teeth as they are poking through the gums. (As you can tell, it doesn't take much to entertain me.) But in another light - she's growing up so fast - it won't be long I'll be watching her go to the prom.
I think I'm going to cry now.
Scary, isn't it!!!
Can you see the excitement in her face! She could hardly contain herself.
I can see the teeth as they are poking through the gums. (As you can tell, it doesn't take much to entertain me.) But in another light - she's growing up so fast - it won't be long I'll be watching her go to the prom.
I think I'm going to cry now.
Scary, isn't it!!!
Can you see the excitement in her face! She could hardly contain herself.
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