A vacation from the blog...

I have had a hiatus from blogging.  It has been difficult to do anything here lately, with everything that is going on the last few months.

I have started going back to church and taking the girls with me.  They love church, and the church we are going to is small and feels very cozy.  Very much like family, rather than just people you see once a week.

I have been on this personal journey of examining my life and how I have caused many problems in my life. 

I want to be a better mother.  I know there isn't any such thing as a perfect mom, but I want to know that I'm "good enough".  Trouble is, we never know as parents if we are doing the right things.  One child will interpret the things you say or do one way, another child will interpret it in the exactly opposite way.  I realized this when I examined closely how my brothers and I grew up.  My mom might say something, to which I would just let it roll off my shoulders, but one brother took it to heart and it hurt him deeply.

I have to pray every day to God to help guide me.  Sometimes I find myself regretting something I have done or said.  The best thing I can do is apologize to my daughter(s) and explain why I believe I was wrong, and what I want to do better. I have explained many times that there is no perfect parent... no matter how great someone else's mom seems, they need to trust that that mother has her own issues and probably gets just as mad or frustrated with her kids  as I can from time to time.  Most of the time I get the biggest thrill from knowing and loving my kids, and they rarely disappoint. 

The completely amazing thing to me is a child's ability to forgive... and to love you anyway.  My children teach me more about what love is than any book can.  And I am humbled by their love. 

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I am coming to a better understanding about forgiveness.  I had for years thought that forgiveness meant that I forget about the wrongs done to me.  But that is not what it is about at all.  You can have compassion for and understanding of why someone would hurt you or wrong you.  It doesn't mean you should forget what they did or allow them back into your life without caution.  Having compassion doesn't mean you allow someone to hurt you again and again.  I need to love the people who hurt me, because they wouldn't have been doing the things they do without having had hurts done to them in their past.  Whatever happened to them that led to their rationalizing their bad behavior, their outlook can be changed if they want it to be. 

That is the issue.  If they truly want to change, and are willing to see changes in me, then healing can really begin in relationships.  And then, sometimes, the patterns are so deeply ingrained, we are blinded by our own self-interest or life-experiences that we fail to see the second (and third, or fourth, or fifth) chances that are given to us by the Grace of God.  But one can always hope there will be a time for redemption.

As I said, I'm going through some soul searching and changes, and I'm a slow learner.  But once it is there, once I understand, it takes hold and never lets go.

As I come to a fuller understanding of things, these realizations will be fuller as well.  We all have these journeys to a more complete self - and while I am on mine, I need to keep my heart open to it.

Halloween pics

Of course, can't beat Halloween for dress up and pretend.

Kenzie was a vampiress (again) and after watching the movie The Karate Kid (with Jackie Chan) Richelle just had to dress up as a karate kid.  The outfit is an actual karate outfit purchased from someone who advertised it in the local newspaper (her son was taking karate). I got it for $10... Just the way I like to buy things. I wanted to make her out to be a bloody mess, but Richelle opted only for the "black eyes". 

She was more than happy to show off her standing splits... 

And..... I voted today.  Hope everyone makes their vote count.

Strategy games

I think I've mentioned that we gave Richelle one of my old laptops after putting Windows 7 on it. Well, she's been exploring it.

She found a ton of games on it... and the one she loves to play (and has me scratching my head) is chess.

Now, my daddy loved to play chess. He loved the strategy and planning involved in making just one move. He always told me that you had to think several moves ahead in making up your mind which move to make.

I never caught on, even though he tried his best to teach me. But I found it boring... I had no patience and would get mad if I got my men captured and didn't win... I just had no stomach for it as a child. So I never really learned how to play the game.

However, Richelle found the chess game on her computer and LOVES it. She wants to play it all the time when she plays on the computer.

And she got a big kick out of playing the game for real - with game pieces and all. So, I need to get online and search for the rules of chess (I've forgotten most of it... and can't remember a lot of the moves, other than how each individual piece moves). It would be great if she developed a love of the game and continued with the play.

Although Spring is finally here... I am not feeling the love yet. I am having a bout with ennui - just not enough stimulation. I helped Roy with some of his tax prep when it got down to crunch time... but it's not enough. We're planning on what to do with the kids for the summer... and that's not enough. I'm not sure that there is anything I can do that will get this boredom out of my system. We took the kids to the zoo - that was fun - but they spent more time playing on the playground and eating than they did looking at animals. What the heck - it's their time to do what they like - what matters is that they have fun.

Oh good grief! A guy just came walking into Panera with his hair all colored bright green. I'm sure that makes him feel like he's "special." On that note, I'm going to skeedaddle and get ready for tonight. I have to work the carnival for the elementary school serving food.

Yay.

Told you I had ennui, didn't I?

One Year Ago...

On November 10, 2008, it was a chilly but very sunny day when we went to the Civil Affairs Bureau to meet our second daughter for the first time. We didn't know what to expect - the pictures we had been sent showed a child not smiling, with a firm mouth and chubby cheeks, looking rather chunky in her sweats. She looked as though she was defiant and stubborn... but looks can be deceiving.

We got to the CAB early, and was talking with the CAB director, Ms. Meng, going over some paperwork, when we heard some noise coming from downstairs. We were told by our guide, Lynn, "They are here with your child."

Nerves... what were we going to encounter? One always imagines the worst - a child that will fight or refuse to go or scream her head off... and we were truly glad we had brought Kenzie. Being a Chinese child herself and our daughter, we felt she would be a calming effect on our little Jia-Jia.

In walked the director, the main caregiver, and our daughter.
She took our breath away - she was really a beautiful and healthy looking little girl, with her hair done up so her face was shining. I was first struck by her large eyes and her full, pouty mouth. She looked around in confusion, holding on to the doll we had given her, not quite understanding what was going on. They introduced her to her Baba first, getting her to hug him, then to Mama (I gave her a little kiss), and then to her jie-jie. Her caregiver and the director of the CAB were encouraging her to interact with us and praising us as good people and how lucky she was. There was such a flurry of activity, and then I was told she asked to go pee pee (niao-niao). I went with her and Lynn and the director of the CAB to one of the squat potties, while the director of her orphanage and her caregiver tried to sneak away. But too late, because they were just walking down the hall as Jia-Jia got back to the room, and she saw them leaving her.

We got our coats on and picked up all the stuff, walked downstairs and outside to the waiting van. Once in the van (Jia-Jia got in first, Kenzie sat by her, and then I sat by Kenzie, with Lynn and Roy behind us) we began to drive away. I watched her as she began to cry, choking back huge sobs and wiping her eyes. I know she was confused and scared... who wouldn't have been? I had a feeling she really didn't understand what having a family - a mom, a dad, and a sister - would mean to her. I handed her a tissue for her, and Lynn asked if she was hungry (it was close to lunchtime). She said yes, so Lynn asked if she wanted noodles or dumplings. True to her nature, she chose jiao zi (dumplings). Glad she did!

We went to a restaurant, and once sitting down and realizing she was going to be eating, her whole demeanor changed... she was happy. However, she took the eating utensils and began banging on all the plates and glassware... Lynn found out she'd never been in a restaurant before, and said she was behaving really well. I suppose there are some children who won't sit in the chairs, or yell, scream or throw fits. Jia-Jia sat there, smiling, while making lots of noise with the plates and bowls... looking happier with every loud clank.

We got back to the hotel room and she began "exploring". She first discovered we had two rooms that were adjoining. Our good friend (and lifesaver) Deb had opened her door to our room, and Jia-Jia had great fun running back and forth between the rooms. Then she discovered the lights... there was a panel of switches over the two full size beds that had been pushed together, which controlled most of the lights in the rooms. Next it was the TV, and the remote control. She began pushing every button she could to figure out how to work it. Next, she began to look through her suitcase we had for her, and through her back pack full of stuff just for her.



Roy and I looked at each other and, wide-eyed, gave each other the knowing look of "what did we get ourselves into?" We were used to Kenzie, who was calm and easygoing. This child was shot out of a cannon and it was as if she had not been allowed to ever discover what her world was all about. And now that she had a little freedom, she was exercising her curiosity to the fullest extent possible. We could see she was very bright - she didn't just turn lights off and on for the heck of it, she was actually figuring out which switch was turning which light on. She was figuring out which button would get her to the stations she wanted to watch. Still, it was confusing for us to know when and where we should begin setting limits without squelching her inquisitive nature or making her fear us.

When Roy had to leave the room, she got very upset. I blew up a couple of balloons, and we went out into the hallway to play with them, which kept her entertained. Here was a child who loved to play and discover... two traits that would serve her well as she began to learn what her new life was to be about.

She quickly learned that first day some English. The first was "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" which she would repeat after doing something naughty and then laugh at us. And the others were Bye-bye and Thank you. We thought she was learning to say pee-pee, but figured out that she was saying pi-pi as in pigu (meaning butt - which made her smile and laugh all the more when I'd say it.)

We went to supper that evening, and she learned yet another phrase: "C'mon." Of course, she began her banging routine, which I began to tell her "Give to Mama" and to take it from her. She began giving me her plates and bowls, which I held on to until she needed them.

That first night, she got into her new pajamas, got into bed, and with telling her "Shui Jiao" she went to sleep without much trouble.

The next morning, we went up to the dining area where breakfast was served, and did our best to get her foods she would eat. She was a very picky eater, but loved the yogurt - we let her get her fill of that.

Then it was off to the CAB one last time. November 11, 2008 - Adoption Day.

I think anyone who adopts probably at some point asks themselves, "Is this the right thing to do? Are we making a mistake? Are we the best parents for this child? Are we biting off more than we can chew? Is everything going to work out?" There is always the second guessing with me. But, in looking at Jia-Jia and her enthusiasm for life, I knew that if we didn't adopt her, we would find something missing in our lives - and we would for the rest of our lives regret not having her to love. We had to believe that we would be able to handle whatever came our way - and that God wanted us to be with this child.

The adoption process was all handled in one room, with the director of the CAB taking care of most of the process, having us sign documents and putting our thumbprints on the paperwork. Even Jia-Jia got to put her hand on the red ink and put her hand print on the paperwork as well. However, I noticed that she was very subdued around the caregiver. She spoke only when spoken to. We had so little time to actually get to know the caregiver or the director of the orphanage, but we were told by the CAB director that when we return to China, we will be given permission to go to Jia-Jia's orphanage and visit. I have to say that Ms. Meng was a very nice and caring woman - who seemed to really care about the fate of the children who were being adopted.

Once it was all done, she was ours. Ours. This bundle of energy, this spitfire, this little rocket full of explosive curiosity and a mind that was ready to drink in all the world around her.

I look back today and remember that crazy first few days, and the following months of her adjustment, and even our adjustment to her... it was a two way street that had some near head-ons, but somehow, we navigated through it and she grew calmer. Although I will still say she has some habits that are lingering (such as touching everything in sight or talking incessantly without a breath in between sentences) but I wouldn't trade our precious little girl for anything.

Older child adoption has many surprises in store for parents. Some surprises are delightful, others makes you cry for the lost years you never got to spend with him/her, wishing you could have been the one to make the difference between behaviors learned due to neglect or as a survival skill and behaviors that would better suit them to their new environment and life. At other times, you cheer him/her on as the daughter or son you have accepted as your very own meets milestones you knew they were capable of achieving. And although you may miss much of the developmental years, you will also gain much more in the love you will receive in just being there and loving them for who they are.

God has blessed us twice. And we do know how lucky we are to be in this position of parenthood. Both daughters are doing well, and thriving - and our lives have a purpose. Roy and I were talking the other night, and he asked, "Could you ever imagine not having our daughters, going back to just us?"

And I told him, "No, it would break my heart. I would die of the loneliness - and the void would be unbearable to me."

If you're looking for the meaning of life - just look in your child's eyes. You will find it there.

Bubbles and chalk

Mom's diagnosis is official

I had gone back to the doctor to find out what the neurologist's report was on mom's MRI. Sadly, she has alzheimer's.

I found a website, Alzheimer's Association, and was able to read about how an MRI can determine if a patient has the disease. It showed how the brain atrophies and shrinks, and why it is believed to happen.

Early Alzheimer's can begin 20 years or more before diagnosis. Mild to moderate Alzheimer's lasts from approximately 2-10 years. Severe Alzheimer's might last from 1-5 years.

I will be going to the doctor with mom to have the doc break the news to mom and to find out if they can determine if mom's is early or mild to moderate.

Meanwhile, at the household, Kenzie has been sick. She's had a nasty fever, cough, and runny nose. The fever is down right now, and the school and I have the same philosophy - keep the kid out until she's been fever free for 24 hours. So, she's feeling much better today, but I need to make sure there's no spiking of her temperature. It has been going up and down as she fights off the bug.

Funny, when she was sick, she was fairly quiet and basically laid in bed watching tv. I can always tell when Kenzie is feeling better. She begins to whine.

My take on the Health Care debate & our Nation's Debt

I have been extremely disappointed in how the healthcare debate has been handled by my congressman, Baron Hill, and other Democrats. It appears he is afraid of meeting face to face with the constituents he represents. With no prior warning, I get a phone call from an AARP phone conference already in progress the evening of 24 August, 2009. Being a 53 year old mother of two children (ages 5 & 6, adopted from China) I could not stay on because I had no one to watch my daughters or take care of their needs, as they needed to be getting ready for bed… and the format of the conference was not the personal approach I expected from my representative in congress. I listened long enough to hear that the answers he was giving were scripted and VAGUE enough not to really answer a question. This type of forum makes him look like a coward, and I'd like to believe he isn't one – but he isn't willing to go face to face with us. He needs to see that we are not crazy people, we are constituents who wants him to listen to us and hear us as a whole.

I will say that although I think Arlen Specter is a cretin, at least he had the guts to stand up and take the heat from the people he represented. However, his smirk and the way he turns away from those persons who voice opposite opinions from his and do not want the government interfering in their lives and who do not want the public option belies that he thinks he is better than us and that his constituents are nothing but ignorant sheep to be led by the nose to whatever place he wants them to go.

I believe people are getting angry (and rightly so) because instead of the Democrats listening to the constituents’ concerns and protests over a public option and a change to their healthcare – the Dems dismiss it as “fringe” and not representative of the majority of the nation. Ok - if that is the case, then where is the majority to be found if they are not showing up to the meetings and voicing their support? IF we as a majority have been silent too long, and only those who agreed with you showed up at forums previously, or wrote to you previously, then as a silent majority, we got what we deserved. But for God's sake - we are standing up now and wanting our voices to be counted - and finding that we are being sloughed off as one would unwanted dead skin. If our representatives will actually take our concerns seriously, and treat us with respect, then there would be far less rancor at some of these talks. Arlen Specter shows no real respect for his constituents, hence the anger and outrage across the nation at his treatment of American citizens. It's the same with other Dems as well.

There is an overwhelming rush to change the world as we know it - and although I'm not totally resistant to change - I am resistant to changing so quickly that no one knows what it will really mean in the long run - and the American people are not being allowed to give voice to their concerns, needs and opposition or support. I didn't like how Congress and the Senate goose-stepped to Obama's so-called "stimulus" package... and now Obama expects everyone to do the same with health care and cap and trade (which, by the way, will be bad for this nation as well - but that's another post).

The truth is, the majority has been silent too long, and now that we have a socialist in the White House, and we see our freedom and constitutional rights being eroded, ignored, and misinterpreted or misrepresented. We have had enough - enough of the lies, the abuse, the misuse, and the riding roughshod over our constitutional rights. Tell me - where in the constitution does it say that health care is an inalienable right of the people? Where does it guarantee that the government can force citizens to buy anything that they don’t want to buy? WHERE? If the answer is (as one Democratic leader put it) "Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness" as the excuse for either a public option or a single payer health care system, then that could also be used as an excuse for drug addiction, murder, or prostitution... what the hell - anything that makes you happy or allows you the life or liberty you choose. By all means - have at it folks!

I know there are better ways to handle the health care issues for Americans who have problems with their insurance companies - but for the vast majority of Americans - we're pretty darn okay with what we have. It isn't right for an insurance company to just drop you outright because you get a disease or problem that requires long-term or expensive treatment, but Congress can address that through legislation without having a public option or a single payer system in place.

With the crushing debt looming large over our nation, putting in place a health care reform that does not actually address the real issues is the true lunacy. Our Representatives ignore the problems with Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. Instead of addressing what is wrong about those programs, Congress instead says “Do over” and expects us to all be for the new way of doing business – which will just be the same old business as usual with any government program. Waste, fraud, slow service, inefficient service, and confusion over what is allowable and what is not. The bureaucracy will be much like the IRS – too many times people have called to have a question answered, and we get either a wrong answer or a “I dunno”. The rules are so complicated and fraught with this exception and that exception, that it is hard to get a definitive answer unless you talk to an expert – and usually, that comes from someone outside of the IRS who charges exhorbitant fees to give us the information we need.

I used to work for a small NASA contractor, and I can tell you that there were problems with the bureaucracy of NASA - they would ask us for information and, by the way, we need it by 5 pm end of business today. But when you needed information from them... well, the contracts have closed and we never did get answers to some of those questions.

I remember at one time there had been a surplus in the Social Security program. But because the government won’t look to the future and plan ahead, congress at that time found ways to dip into the Social Security program and take the money for purposes which it had never been intended. We would not be facing a crises for Social Security if congress had left well enough alone and let the surplus increase. Then those of our generation who are someday going to retire would not have to worry about whether or not they will be able to pay at least the very minimum of their everyday living expenses. And there would be no need to saddle any of our children with these issues as well.

We have people voted into office (including the President) and appointed by the President acting like children and treating the government as one big cookie jar that they can take whatever they want and as much as they want without regard to where the cookies are coming from. They act like we – the American people – are going to keep baking and replacing what has been taken. The debt we are being saddled with makes my stomach knot every time I think that this is what is owed and will be owed for generations to come, and I wonder how my children will be able to live when, in order to pay off this debt, we will have to tax every person and entity with taxes so high we might as well just make all of us slaves to the government.

Yes, I said it. This is what is happening to us as a nation. We are going to become slaves to the government – working only to pay off a debt that will never be payable. To think that I brought my children back from China and now China is going to own American before they are young adults. I wanted my children to know that they are self-directed, that they make their own choices and must live with the consequences of their actions. But that is not how the government treats us… the current administration considers us to be like children – that we must be told what to do and how to do it. It has been like that for a long time – even under Bush – and now it is even more pronounced with Obama’s administration.

I am urging our representatives to look ahead to the future and not vote for any of the bills currently being considered. Any bill that would come out of this process should be rewritten for the average American to read (including all of our representatives in the House and the Senate) so that we as a whole nation can understand what the bill is and what it means to us. And there should be ample time to read and respond - not 24 hours, but at least a week to 10 days. And there should be debate - now the heel-clicking, goose-stepping that I have seen from our representatives at the beginning of this administration.

If there IS disinformation, perhaps it is because the bills are so convoluted that no one can actually get through it and understand what it is saying. (However, I think that most of the Democrats are simply spouting a script and they haven't actually read and do not fully understand the bill they are supporting.) When lawyers are reading the bill and bringing the problematic issues to light, please don’t tell me that they are spreading disinformation…. aren't lawyers qualified to read and determine what the bill means to us? After all, hasn't this bill been crafted by lawyers? (Maybe that's reason enough not to trust it.)

I say the House and Senate should work to resolve this – rewrite the bill so that every American can read and understand what it means to them. To tell us that it has be be written in legal-ese in order to be passed is more of the same bullcrap we have been spoonfed by those representatives who want to retain power within the government. Lots of double talk, and keep the sheep ignorant of what's going on. Baaaaa-d for us...

Personally, I think that every American should be able to read any bill without any confusion and that it should be a right of the people – to know what is really in the bills that our representatives are voting on. The old KISS approach - Keep It Simple, Stupid!

As the nation struggles with mounting debt, layoffs, and a rush to socialism, I worry for the future of my two children. I brought them to this country of freedom only to find that it is slowly turning away from the basic principles that gave us that freedom, watching it become more and more like the communist country they left. Some of Obama’s tactics could have come from Mao’s playbook of programs he enacted. One that comes to mind is when the administration asked for people to report on others who were against the health care program or disseminating what they thought was “disinformation”. Mao had asked that people openly criticize the government so that they could improve upon it – only to take note who criticized and then to torture, kill, or “re-educate” those who spoke against the Communist regime. I don’t know that our government will go so far as to torture or kill us, but I’m damn sure they’re going to do their best to “re-educate” those of us who are not in lock-step with the government (how about them thar emails???? Not exactly making me comfortable with our government officials). Chilling that they want us to “tattle” on each other – again, they are acting like children and treating us like children. Where in the hell are the adults in charge?

Mark my words: Our representatives may think they have the power to run over us and do whatever the hell they want to - but they will find out come the next election year who really weilds the power and if they really do have the confidence of the American people.

Power to the people - let's take back our liberty.

SUCCESS!

Kenzie finally got the other tooth out. Now I have some awesome pics of her without teeth in front. I told her that although it looks cute on a little girl to not have teeth in front, it looks really bad on an older woman. She just gave me a look that told me she couldn't understand how that could happen.

I can see the teeth as they are poking through the gums. (As you can tell, it doesn't take much to entertain me.) But in another light - she's growing up so fast - it won't be long I'll be watching her go to the prom.

I think I'm going to cry now.

Scary, isn't it!!!

Can you see the excitement in her face! She could hardly contain herself.

There appears to be something missing.

Lost two teeth in two days. And she has two more loose teeth to come out soon, too: the middle top tooth and the one on the other side of the upper gap.

She won't be eating corn on the cob for awhile.

Both are held back in swimming

As outlined previously, Kenzie was held back to do session one again in swim lessons.

We made the decision to hold Jia back as well. The main reason is that she doesn't listen to the instructors. They tell the kids to be quiet and listen, she is off dunking herself and yelling for me to look. They tell the kids to hang on to the wall, she is trying to go out to deep water behind the instructors' backs. She is not listening to them, and the higher the level, the more dangerous the lesson will be if she doesn't pay attention to them.

It's the same thing she does at home. I'll tell her not to do something or to do something, and its as if I never opened my mouth. The walls have better hearing than Jia. (BTW - her hearing has been checked and it's perfect - there's no problem with it. The problem lies in her willingness to respond to authority.) There's a part of Jia that I think doesn't care - she's still not getting it when it comes to this family stuff... I think there are times when she thinks this is just another place for her to stay until her next move.

When I told Jia that because she wasn't paying attention to her instructors and that was the reason she was being held back, she bawled and screamed for a half hour "I wanna go to level 2!" over and over. I had told her previously that she had to listen to her instructors - and now she has to deal with the consequences of not doing what we've told her.

Another issue we are currently dealing with: Lying.

And she knows she's not telling the truth. She automatically says, "It wasn't me" when something is discovered and we find that there is something wrong or damaged. Now, I know Kenzie really well - and Kenzie is very careful with her things and with the household. Once Kenzie marked up a wall accidentally with a painted peg, and we talked with her about not doing that and not marking up the walls. This was when she was 2 years old. She's never done it since. But since Jia's been home, we've found places where there are marks (large ones) and we know that Kenzie didn't do it. Jia finally confessed to Roy, but that was after a lot of prodding. Not sure how to handle this. I'm sure that the immediate denial was so she wouldn't be punished in the orphanage... but she has to learn this isn't the orphanage and there aren't another couple hundred kids to blame around her... so it's pretty easy to figure out who did what.

One of these days, the actions vs inactions = consequences equation is going to finally hit home and she'll make the connection. But until then, it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

Swim lessons

The girls are taking swim lessons, and one of them is taking to it as a natural. I'll let you guess which one.

The two pics below show the kids "practicing" rescuing someone who can't swim well.

I think the only reason Kenzie is going to the lessons is so she can flirt with the guy who is helping teach swimming.

As you can see, Jia is having a great time. It was cool this day, but Jia's not feeling it. I was afraid that Kenzie was going to start to turn blue.

Kenzie won't put her face in the water. Period. She said if she had swim goggles, she would. Or if the sun was out, she would. I wonder how many excuses she can come up with before she has to admit she just doesn't want to.

For Jia, it's all about the fun. For Kenzie, it's all about the older boys.

The kids take pictures at the zoo

I have two Kodak Easyshare C813 cameras that I bought last year. One specifically for Kenzie for her 6th birthday, and one for Jia. I had no idea if Jia would be able to handle a camera or not when I bought it, but I thought I might as well go ahead and get it to be prepared for when I would be able to give her one. When we met Jia, it was (painfully) obvious it would be awhile before she could be handed over a piece of equipment, let alone some of the toys she would be given.

Even more unfortunate for her, she has this incredibly strong sense of what is fair and right and even - she believes whatever Kenzie has, she should have. It has taken the last 7 months (the 10th will actually make 7 months since we took her into our lives) for her to calm down and she has really taken to listening to us and what we say. She used to have this horrible problem with touching things she shouldn't or was told not to, such as, slamming her hand down on a cash register at a mall kiosk, or touching computer keys when she was told not to, or touching food on a buffet that she didn't intend to take and eat. So much of what we take for granted in our every day lives meant nothing to her - she had no point of reference or understanding about what was acceptable and what was not.

But she has shown a lot of growth - and fortunately for us, she can internalize the pain of a time out and it has helped her know that for her actions, there will be consequences...

So when we were all going to go to the zoo this weekend, Kenzie wanted to take her camera. Jia was begging "Please mommy? I want a camera, too. I promise I won't drop it." (Another of her behaviors that was hard to get over and is starting to sink in... some of it is accidental - but she also does it on purpose- such as accidentally knocking a utensil off of the dining room table, and then she puts that one in the sink, gets another, and then immediately knocks that one off, too, looking at us as though we should just bust out laughing at her. Um... I don't think so.) I made a deal with Jia. I would allow her to take a camera, BUT... she had to follow the rules. The rules were 1) you don't take out the camera without mommy to supervise; 2) you have to hold it exactly the way mommy tells you to, and 3) you do everything mommy tells you to do with the camera until I'm comfortable that you can handle it. It is NOT a toy. This is a real camera and you must not mistreat it.

Her eyes lit up - you could almost see the fireworks going off inside her brain as she understood she was going to get to take pictures with a REAL camera.

Here are her very best ones. I only supervised, but she took the pics and I loved her results. The only thing I've done is resize the pics and slightly sharpen them due to the blurriness that occurs with resizing. I would have to say, not bad for a little kid just learning about photography.

Kenzie's behind - butts are always a fascinating subject to 5 year olds.

If you can't quite make it out - it's a walrus.

This sky shot is intentional. I watched as she framed the pic all by herself.

Great pic of a polar bear.

Good pic of Kenzie

I have no idea who this goofy looking woman is. Pay her no attention.

Daddy. Always a kid favorite!

Now, here are Kenzie's pictures. I think she keeps getting better and better as time goes by. Some interesting perspective shots, too..

Daddy & Grandma Geri

This "little" walrus was attracted to anyone who had facial hair. Um... it's a little male walrus. Wonder what that says about the animal world....

Kenzie climbed up on some seats facing the water where the walruses were and took this pic. I really liked it - and thought it an interesting perspective.

There's that annoying woman in green again.

A closeup of a couple sea lions.

Great pic of Grandma Geri.

And now for mommy's pics she took with Kenzie's camera (mine ran out of battery pretty quickly).These were at the water park in the zoo. Jia was scared to death to get under any of the water until I tricked her - and then she got so we couldn't get her out of it.




Wow... what a day!