In Defense of the Teacher and Richelle

I'm not sure if I got spanked or not...  LOL!  I think I should set some things straight...  there may have been a misunderstanding with a reader.  I value her opinions and her insights, and am fascinated by the stories she tells... but I think perhaps I need to go into more detail about the teacher in question and what happened with Richelle's buying with money not her own something for a classmate. 


In defense of the teacher, she did not call Richelle any names or label her. What she did was talk to Richelle about how taking something that didn't belong to her without that person's permission is stealing.  That is a fact. The teacher has never, over the course of the year, seen Richelle buy stuff at school, and the fact that she did it and bought something that she didn't need (I just bought her a new journal recently) that would be fairly expensive (by a child's standard) made the teacher wonder what was going on...  and she wanted to make sure that there wasn't a problem. I am willing to bet she told Richelle she would be telling us what happened - this teacher is older and a bit more old-fashioned, and I like that; she won't hide anything from a parent.  Parents need to know what is going on so they can properly parent their children.  
 
I have to applaud the teacher, because I do not want in any way to have a child think they can do something like take money from us without asking permission and get away with it. We talked to Richelle about the fact that in the future, if she wanted something, she needed to ask us permission for it...  we usually say yes (such as when they have book orders - we pretty much let the kids pick what they want, but we do set limits on how much can be spent).  

I grew up in a close neighborhood, and everybody looked out for each other.  When any of us kids did something that the parents knew wasn't right, they got hold of the offending child's parents and told them what was going on.  It was up to the parents to discipline or punish their child.  Believe me, we grew up knowing that we would "get it" if we did something wrong (and got caught, which was more than likely, given that the neighbors and our parents were pretty sharp about what we were up to).  And if we hurt someone else in the process of  breaking a rule or what was considered generally accepted practices, we had to apologize and make it right.


I agree that Richelle had to have learned some survival strategies in the orphanage to have gotten attention and to have some sense of self...  I am probably more lenient in some ways because of that...  but the  point is, she needs to learn early what will or will not be acceptable behavior and actions in society (that starts out early as the family, and then extends to the school, the neighbors, the community, etc.).  And explaining to her and labeling the action as what it is (in this case, taking something without permission is stealing) she can understand what she did wrong.  We can't wait until some time later to teach her these things.  I cannot make excuses for her just because she came from an orphanage. 


She had a rotten start in life.  No child should be separated from their parents, IMO, unless the parents are abusive or unable to care for their child properly.  She will be fighting those learned habits and life skills from the orphanage most of her life... if we don't start teaching her the appropriate life skills that are accepted in the society she lives in now, it will be harder for her to change from what she learned from living in an orphanage.


Both my husband and I have compassion for the reason she did it...  to help her friend.  We both believe that the child in question is a friend of Richelle's and not just someone whose friendship Richelle is trying to buy.  Roy has observed the two of them together, and says they genuinely like each other and play well together.  We also have compassion for teaching her what will help her to live a good life in the future...  I don't want to ignore any of this and later in life get a call from the police telling me that she was caught shoplifting - just because her "friend" needed a skirt, or whatever.  The underlying message is still the same...  we don't take what isn't ours. 


She has had to deal with and learn a whole new way of life.  She came into the family still trying to use her old ways from the orphanage - it's all she knew.  She has learned a lot over the past 18 months, but the old ways are ingrained and have a way of sneaking back into her life.  As I've said, it will take many iterations of the message for it to finally embed itself as deeply into her brain as her former orphanage habits have.

All this reminds me of a story.

I remember that when I was 20, I was living with my cousins.  They had a 3 year old boy, whom I adored... he was such a sweet child.  One Thanksgiving, we were gathered at my grandmother's house and cooking the meal in the kitchen.  Andy (not his real name) was pushing people in the butt saying "Out of my way!" as we went through the kitchen. 

I stopped him and said, "Andy, if you want people to move for you, you need to say 'Excuse me, please'.  Can you say that for me?"  He did, and immediately his grandmother (my aunt) said, "He doesn't have to say that.  He can do what he wants."

I told her if he didn't learn how to have proper manners now, when he was young, not only would it be harder for him to learn them later, but he will most likely not appreciate other things in his life.  

One thing led to another and my aunt just went a little too far.   She began berating me, saying it was no wonder no one would marry me (I mean c'mon, I was 20 and not interested in getting married at the time... even though I'd had three marriage proposals from the time I had been 16).  I decided if she was going to be a bitch, I could dish it out as well (we DO come from the same gene pool).  I told her it was a wonder that her husband stayed married to her - that he probably had someone on the side to make life bearable. Little did I know I hit the nail on the head.

Well, I got what I deserved with that one...  she went ballistic and began to smack me about the face and shoulders with her fists - to which my brother Richard stepped in (the one time he was on my side...  imagine that) and grabbed her wrists telling her "You will not hit my sister!" (My hero...) All the time she is cursing him and me and... well, things broke down from there.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, took my side on this, and she was alone in her opinion.  However, that didn't help Andy any.

He grew up to be a young adult dependent on his grandmother. She was about to put a second mortgage on her house because he was in default on a truck he had bought (and couldn't afford in the first place) when she died.  He was left with nothing.  I don't know if he has grown up since, but I know he had not been able to keep a job since he had been working. Even after she died, he had trouble keeping jobs.  Maybe today he has learned to take care of himself...  but I have lost track of him.  But I do believe that if you bring your kids up right, there is less likely a chance of this happening.  It was almost inevitable that this kid was going to fail, because no one taught him the kind of life lessons that would help him understand how to be grateful, how to be independent, and how to show others that they matter.  It was just all about him and what he could get. And my aunt (and Andy's parents to a good extent) were responsible for how this turned out.

Teach your kids when young!       

Sneaking. Stealing. Lying.

Yesterday, my husband got an email from Richelle's teacher.  It said that Richelle had bought some items (four pencils and a journal) from the school store, and when asked where she got the money, she finally told the teacher that she took it from home without us knowing it... that it had been her father's money.  Her teacher had a discussion with Richelle about stealing.

I thought something was up that morning when she took her back pack upstairs and was holding a small purse of hers (that had been filled with coins - we knew she'd taken it from Roy's can of coins he has, but weren't worried about it at that time).  I didn't pay it any real attention, just kind of made a mental note of it.  I went about my business while urging them to get ready to go out to the bus.

Then the email.  When she got home, she started taking things out of her backpack, and then got a furtive look on her face, and held her backpack tight to her while she said she was going upstairs.  I asked that she give me her backpack, which she was reluctant to do.

I pulled out the purse full of coins.  I asked her if she bought anything today, and she said yes. When pressed for what, she showed me two pencils.  I told her that her teacher had emailed us and told us it was more than that.  She admitted that she bought two more pencils and a journal.  I asked to see it... and she said she gave it to one of her friends at school.


There were tears welling up in her eyes at this point.  I asked why she would give it to her friend, and Richelle explained that she only had one page left in her journal and she wanted to give her another one.  And she wanted to give her a couple of pencils.  This is her friend, after all.

My heart went out to her, but I had to go on.  I told her to come upstairs with me.  She began crying in earnest at this point.  

We went to the living room couch and I put her on my lap.  She was nothing but a puddle of tears - so Kenzie and I removed her shoes and I held her.  I told her it wasn't her job to buy things that the kids need for school, and she shouldn't have sneaked out money to do so.  If she needed something or wanted something, she should ask us, not take money that wasn't hers.  

She said she didn't want us to know about it.  I told her that's exactly how sneaking and lying are - doing something you don't want someone to know about.  From now on she was to talk to us about it.

She really is trying to be a good kid - but she gets some things wrong once in a while...  and her intentions (if her explanation was really what happened) were good, if not misguided a bit.  She always has had a good heart.

Roy is still punishing her... three days without any TV.  I told Roy that perhaps what we should be doing after this is having the kids do chores and paying them an allowance.  That way, they would feel they have some control over things they want.  And we could use it to teach them to save a little, put some aside for charity, and then they would have some for spending any way they want to.  It will be good to try and instill good money habits now while they are young, rather than them trying to figure it out when they get older.

To be continued.  

Dance Recital - the Video

Here's the video.  Richelle is selling it - really emphasizing the steps.  Kenzie is her usual demure self.  She didn't like the music at all...  can't blame her.  Yellow Submarine wasn't exactly a favorite Beatles song of mine either...  but the outfits rock...

Recital was Saturday

The kids' recital was Saturday - and they looked so beautiful.  I had to put makeup on them so their faces wouldn't look all washed out on stage...  I don't do a dramatic enough job to really make it work well onstage - but if the kids are going to continue to dance, then I'll have to learn.  The song they danced to was Yellow Submarine, which the kids really didn't like very well...  it just didn't grab them like the Charleston did for Kenzie last year.

I will have a video up later, probably tomorrow.  Somehow, a circuit at the house tripped and my home computer doesn't work right now.  I brought everything to Panera to download and edit the video on my laptop, but (STOOOPID STOOOPID STOOOPID!!!!!!) I forgot the 4 pin to 4 pin cable to connect the camcorder to the computer.  I'm kicking myself as I say this... GRRRRRRR!!!!!!  Otherwise, it would have been uploaded today.

But - I DO have pictures I took on that day before they danced.  And as a proud mama - I think they look gorgeous!  The little ladies are shining through.   I am so proud that they are doing the things I didn't get a chance to.  I don't want to live through them, but I do want them to do things that they are interested in.  They get a chance to discover things I never did  - I want them to know they have numerous opportunities available to them, and if they put for the effort, they can accomplish anything.  Dance is a great way to teach them that.

Whatever happpened to AuntSpode8899?

I hadn't heard from this person in awhile, and usually when I post a video on Youtube,  she would reply quickly.  I was hoping to get some insight into a couple of the vids... I always look forward to hearing from her.  She has given me a lot to think about.  But I checked her account on Youtube and it was closed.  I hope everything is okay.

Gotta tell you, I miss her.  I enjoyed reading what she had to say.  

Like a favorite blankie...

I have to thank my friends. You are like my favorite blankie - one that I love to wrap myself up in when I'm feeling cold or tired or down-hearted. Having all of you to be there and support me is a great feeling.

I love that people from our adoption group read the blog and post their support.

I love that others who share an interest in raising their children (bio or adopted) read the blog and share their support.

I love that other Chinese around the world read this blog and give me so much insight into our children's heritage and what it means to be Chinese. I can't give them that, but I can share your perspectives and messages. They will get some idea, at least.

You are all such a blessing.

As my blood relations dwindle in size through death or insufferable differences in philosophies and opinions, I find my family resides in you. I don't need blood to make a family...

Strange comments won't get posted

OK, I have to admit, there are a lot of things I won't tolerate.

I don't mind having this blog open so others can read about our daughters and see how they are doing. And I don't mind people leaving comments - relevant comments - about the posts.

However, there are some comments coming to me with their website embedded in their comment, or it is all in Chinese or some other Asian script, and since I don't know what is being said, and for goodness sake, folks, I can't tell what the meaning of the comment is when using an online translator... I'm not going to post it.

No matter how many times you guys try - it won't get posted. I go to the embedded websites to see what it is, and personally, I think it looks like soft porn, or an intro to a pornographic site. I can't tell, because I can't read it. But as long as I'm unsure, I won't post your comment.

Enough is enough. This is about my children - not your effing porno websites and your eff-ed up notion of how you want to portray Asian women. Why would anyone who is Asian want to have their women portrayed as whores, sluts and tramps?!!!!!!

It's time for the world to wake up. I am NOT a feminist - that is for sure - but I believe in women and their power to shape the world (the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world). I don't mean in a boardroom or as a CEO. Women have so much power over themselves and their children and (yes) even their husbands (if they know how to work it - with husbands, sex can be a beautiful thing, and very empowering, just by giving in to his masculinity. I am talking about a husband who loves you and cherishes you, not some creep who is using you, OK?).

I also believe that it's time for all of us to not stereotype Asian women. From the old movies to the current ones, Asian women are portrayed as cheap whores or evil dragon ladies - rarely is there a positive role for them. The time when we would think that the only thing they could say is "Ooooh, me so horny! Five dollah me love you long time." is OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ya hear me, Hollywood? If that is how you want to portray a race of women - then I can say that you aren't worth the money to buy the dvd third-hand, let alone see it in a theater. Very little good comes out of Hollywood, anyway.

I have two beautiful, SMART, funny and engaging daughters, and they are Chinese. They are going to have to work much harder to gain respect because of how Asians are portrayed in movies and on the internet. Worse - the thing that breaks my heart - is that the Asian women themselves denigrate their own integrity, beauty and worth as women to that of a cheap whore (go on Youtube and see what they are doing... it is so sad). Because of you, my daughters will have to fight these images even harder.

I'm just so pissed off right now. Women in general need to wake up. If you make your value as a person only worth what kind of sexual pleasure you give to others who have no interest in you other than the prurient, then you value yourself too cheaply. Trouble is, you also devalue the rest of us as well.

Strategy games

I think I've mentioned that we gave Richelle one of my old laptops after putting Windows 7 on it. Well, she's been exploring it.

She found a ton of games on it... and the one she loves to play (and has me scratching my head) is chess.

Now, my daddy loved to play chess. He loved the strategy and planning involved in making just one move. He always told me that you had to think several moves ahead in making up your mind which move to make.

I never caught on, even though he tried his best to teach me. But I found it boring... I had no patience and would get mad if I got my men captured and didn't win... I just had no stomach for it as a child. So I never really learned how to play the game.

However, Richelle found the chess game on her computer and LOVES it. She wants to play it all the time when she plays on the computer.

And she got a big kick out of playing the game for real - with game pieces and all. So, I need to get online and search for the rules of chess (I've forgotten most of it... and can't remember a lot of the moves, other than how each individual piece moves). It would be great if she developed a love of the game and continued with the play.

Although Spring is finally here... I am not feeling the love yet. I am having a bout with ennui - just not enough stimulation. I helped Roy with some of his tax prep when it got down to crunch time... but it's not enough. We're planning on what to do with the kids for the summer... and that's not enough. I'm not sure that there is anything I can do that will get this boredom out of my system. We took the kids to the zoo - that was fun - but they spent more time playing on the playground and eating than they did looking at animals. What the heck - it's their time to do what they like - what matters is that they have fun.

Oh good grief! A guy just came walking into Panera with his hair all colored bright green. I'm sure that makes him feel like he's "special." On that note, I'm going to skeedaddle and get ready for tonight. I have to work the carnival for the elementary school serving food.

Yay.

Told you I had ennui, didn't I?

Warm days are welcome here...

It's just not warm here at all... The playground pics below are from the week before spring break... and we are treasuring each warm day as it comes, even if all we get to do is go outside and blow bubbles. But to get out to the park is paramount. However, spring break didn't allow for much fun during the week - it was cold and damp.

Seems Spring is going to be coming in spurts, with several days of cold, wet weather in between. Waaaaah! (Yes, I'm whining a bit... but don't tell Kenzie. She's my whiner and I tell her all the time I don't like whining, which I don't, but if she knew I did it, it would be all over with trying to teach her not to.)





During Spring Break, we went downtown to eat lunch one day and to walk around. We stopped at one of the bollards downtown and the girls posed for pics... with a pic of the courthouse (and the fast traffic) in the background. They insisted on getting on top of the bollard - and I don't think I want them to do it again - it was just too scary for me as the cars rushed past. Quite frankly, the worst that could have happened was they'd fall off onto the sidewalk - they've taken falls from higher up than that.



Then, Richelle had her 6 year old well child checkup. Uh.... 50th percentile in height, 75-90th percentile in weight. She now officially weighs more than Kenzie, even though big sis is a year older. Let's just say the kid loves to eat.

Last year, she got 5 shots... and then I thought she was done for a long time. Turns out she had to get 4 more shots. That was a hard sell... I had to hold her down and man! Did she fight it and scream bloody murder. But prior to that, the girls were goofing off at the doctor's office. Oh, turned out Kenzie needed a shot, too. She just cried so pitifully. I felt so bad for both of them.



I have to say, the last picture here tells me what a beautiful young woman Kenzie is going to grow up to be... I took a long, hard look at it and I can see the young woman she is becoming. Richelle... there's still so much of the baby in her... I don't yet see the young woman yet.

Here's to hoping the warm weather will be here to stay soon. But even this weekend looks like it will be rather cool and damp. C'mon April - it's just got to get better.

6 Years Old!!! And a heron....

Richelle had her party yesterday. She had a few friends show up for the roller skating - and the kids had a great time. She kept saying all day "I'm the birthday girl."

Wished I'd had a video camera that day - Richelle was really speeding along roller skating, and having the time of her life. Here are some pics to show for it.







Finally, this morning, when coming back from taking my mother her medication, I saw a HUGE bird flying down to a small pond in our area. I pulled over and got my camera out to see a blue heron. Took some pics of it. I was surprised that it didn't fly away as I approached the pond... but it simply watched me. I didn't go too close - I didn't want it to fly away - but being early morning and heavily overcast, and only having my Sony Cybershot available, I wanted to take advantage of whatever pic I could get.



I love big birds.

Year of the Tiger

I'm late in posting this. Last Saturday, we had our FCC celebration for the Lunar New Year. As anyone probably knows by now, it's the year of the Tiger. The girls still have some Chinese silks that fit... and I wish I'd bought a ton of silk dresses when we were there last. I can only hope we'll return to China again soon for a vacation trip and to connect with our daughters' orphanages.

Anyway - back to now. I have some really cute pics of the girls from that night. They were in seventh heaven running around in their silks. Richelle looked at herself in the mirror and was proud to be a Chinese girl. I'm glad they take such joy in their heritage and their race.

Another Snow Day...

Oh joy. Oh rapture.

If they are having trouble clearing the roads, strap a snow plow onto my Accord and let me help.

Please.

No, really..... PLEASE!!!!!

Snow Day

Last night when I went to bed, it was just spitting snow... nothing to even give a second thought to. Overnight, I think we got around 5 inches... and it has continued to snow all day - I would bet the total accumulation to this minute is around 7-8 inches. It is expected to continue snowing and there is supposed to be flurries tomorrow morning.

The kids have been pining for snow... and Roy got a very rare day off from work, so as he is shoveling snow for the second time today, the kids are outside wallowing in the white stuff and pummeling their dad with whatever makeshift snowballs they can get together. (The snow is very powdery.) Richelle literally fell face first in it - falling as if she were a board, on purpose.

Richelle's cheeks turn red the second she's in the cold. Kenzie is really more interested in shoveling the driveway with dad...

Just the way God made her

I just got through sending out birthday party invites for Richelle's birthday party. I sure hope some kids show up... it seems Richelle doesn't get along well with some of the other kids. But then, I don't think it's all her fault. A lot of the kids her teacher has this year seem to have problems with their behavior. One girl had scratched Richelle on her stomach and back. Another likes to write on her desk with markers. Some kids like to steal away her toys she is playing with during tub time.

Of course, Richelle isn't an angel, either. Last time I got a note from the teacher about Richelle, it said she was sticking her fingers in everyone's food at lunch time. How nice. I just hope she washed her hands before lunch.

I'm just glad these kids have 12 more years to grow up a little before they are legally called "adults".

I remember when I turned six... I had a birthday party. I hated it. My mom bought all these really cool toy gifts for the kids who came. I got stuff, but what I really wanted with all my heart was a play makeup kit. If I had gotten one, I just know mom would have thrown it away or given it to some other kid. All I wanted was to be a girly-girl... and I felt so un-girly. Go figure. I kind of think Richelle is a lot like that. She wants all the fru-fru dresses, and to wear lipstick & fingernail polish, and to have her hair done in ponytails or bows. She loves all the frills of being a girl.

I guess I'm guilty of trying to make sure she has the nice things little girls seem to love. I don't want her to feel like I did when I was a kid. I don't dress her up like a prostitot... but a little sheer lip gloss doesn't hurt if it makes her feel pretty.

They funny thing is that Richelle has been asking why there are differences in the way she and Kenzie look. I've told her that that is the way God made her. That she is perfect just the way she is and this is how she is supposed to look. I have to say that where Kenzie is thin and muscular, Richelle is padded with a little extra baby fat. So, I was shocked when she said to her daddy last night, "I can't help if I have big boobies, because that's the way God made me. Right, mommy?"

Oye!

Guardianship

Yesterday was the final guardianship hearing for my mother.

Richard, Bill, and Erica were there. As my lawyer, Roy, and I walked off the elevator, I saw Richard talking on his cell phone. I hadn't seen him since Dad's memorial... and my first impression was Jabba the Hut with really ugly designer glasses.

Richard must not be doing well, because he looked terrible.

Richard was angry that his lawyer wasn't there. Evidently, Richard tried to tell the judge that he was unaware of the very court date he was at, that he hadn't received any notice about the court date... what the???? He said his attorney told him to ask for a continuance. (That was what Bill had asked for at the first court date.) He also told the judge that his attorney had filed some kind of motion with the court.

The judge told Richard that he hadn't received any filings from the attorney and no notice that there would be any representation. Then the judge called Richard's lawyer, putting him on speaker phone, and talked with him about what kind of motion he had filed and why he wasn't at the court. The lawyer told the judge he didn't know about the court date, it was his impression that guardianship had already been conferred and they were going to sue for co-guardianship or at the very least request that they get a semi-annual accounting of mom's finances.

While the lawyer was on the phone, the judge said he was ready to rule and grant guardianship to me with no restrictions. Richard didn't understand what that meant, so the judge gave Richard time to go out into the hall outside the courtroom to call his lawyer and ask him what it meant.

When Richard came back, he said he agreed to the judge's ruling. So I am now mom's guardian, no restrictions.

The judge warned them that if they wished to sue for c0-guardianship, they needed to do so promptly... something the judge said three times to them.

We gave the court all kinds of documentation... a list of and copies of cash receipts, mileage log (beginning in September when mom was moved into Sterling house), an accounting of her checking account receipts and expenditures, a list of her assets and their value, and copies of mom's Mini Mental Status Exams she has taken over the last 2 years. Those copies also went to Richard and Bill.

When it was all over with, my lawyer, Roy and I were talking in the hallway about what happens when they sue for co-guardianship. She was explaining to me what to expect when Richard comes up and says, "You look great!" and "Give me a hug."

OMG. I had no idea what to say. Here is someone who in the last several emails was so vile to me that I just had to shake my head in disbelief - and now he was acting like everything was peachy. That is typical of Richard. Say anything you want to anyone who is in your way, and then everyone is supposed to just let it go and act like everything is fine. What, you only hate my guts in emails, but we can be lovey-dovey sibs outside of the ether world?

I won't go into what happened, but suffice it to say neither Richard nor I are going to change in our stances to each other. My attorney told me that she thought I was crazy for filing for guardianship when I had power of attorney - but when she saw what I was dealing with, she then understood why I took this step.

PJ Day -AGAIN????? Kindergarten teachers think I'm stupid. I'll retort, you decide.

Below is a comment that was left on my PJ Day post from a kindergarten teacher called Jmac :

Julie,

I am a kindergarten teacher and I just want to say that your message made me very sad! The thing is that there are a lot of bad and evil things in this world and if you are always looking for them.. you certainly will find them.. PJ day is FUN... you can look at it any way you want, but kids are kids! And they should not be expected to behave like adults.

Sometimes we have to look at the world from a childs perspective! Can you not see the silliness of PJ's and how that could make school that much more fun. Silliness and happiness is contagious in a school!

I came across your blog when I was looking for child and parent PJ day activies... Was I ever shocked to read your blog!

OH wow... that is classic. Your indoctrination into the liberal mindset of public school thinking has been complete and thorough. They must be very proud of you.

You know something like this has me wriggling with anticipation and I just have to answer, since she got everything all wrong. So Jmac - this is for you, baby!

It is laughable how you are unable to discern the actual gist of my post – comparing my post on PJ day to looking for things that are evil or bad. That may be your interpretation of my post – but not what was stated at all. And it's laughable how so many kindergarten teachers feel the need to talk down to me and figuratively wag their fingers in my virtual face like I'm a bad girl.

Ooooh hoo hoo hoo baby, I AM one bad mama-jama.

What was said specifically about PJ Day is that it is inappropriate and that wearing PJ’s outside of the home is taboo. It just ain’t done sweetie. Or are you going to tell me that you wear PJ’s to the store or mall to go shopping, or to work to teach the kiddies…???

Nope, didn’t think so. And you know why? Do I have to reiterate this again? I guess so. It’s not appropriate, and we just don’t do it (that’s the taboo part, honey.) The fact that you say this post made you sad sounds like maybe you need to be taking a little prozac for your mental health… may I suggest you get yourself to your nearest psychiatrist as soon as possible so you can deal with those feelings?

I mean, really…

It's because kids are kids - and not adults - that I make these choices for my girls and go about my business as a parent teaching my daughters how to think critically about things. I do NOT go for the "if it feels good, do it" philosophy - that is what excuses people from analyzing their actions and the possible consequences, and that is exactly what gets them into trouble. I do not ask my kids to be adults, but I am preparing them for the future when, as early as their preteens, their reasoning faculties will be tested by their peers trying to get them to do something the other kids are doing because "it's fun". Can you get my drift now? Sometimes you need to be able to discern what is really fun (and safe) and what is perceived as fun (but will get you into trouble) because you just don't want to be left out.

I'm sure you've heard this phrase: "If all your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you?" THAT was all of our mamas trying to teach us critical thinking.

My dear, I have to ask you, at what point do you suggest that children learn critical thinking? Would you suggest they don't need to learn how to analyze situations and make assessments and judgments regarding those situations? Or are we going to wait until they get into their preteens or teenage years to try to instill in them the ability to understand what the consequences will be when they make their choices?

The earlier you begin to teach a child a thing, the more they internalize that teaching.

Let’s save the “shock” for something that really deserves it, such as, the day you find out one of your kids is being molested by a family member or neighbor. Now that’s shocking. It appears liberals are easily shocked by anything that doesn't conform to their views of what is normal, okay, "right", etc.

I will agree that silliness is contagious in school – seems the so-called adults are getting sillier all the time. (That means, y’all aren’t exactly basing your decisions on how to have fun at school by using a little common sense.) I think we had a better education system when we stuck to the basics instead of coming up with "new and improved" ways to educate kids. And let's not ignore how teachers now spend as much time trying to correct behavioral problems that stem from no discipline (or poor discipline) in the schools and home, which further degrades the quality of the education our kids are getting.

What I can “see” is the inane “logic” of the school officials for doing something that has no business in education. Understand, sweetie? PJ’s are not necessary in order to teach part of the curriculum. One can learn to read and appreciate Dr. Seuss in other ways.

Hey - I got an idea! How about a mismatch day – where kids can wear nonsense clothes and look silly, the way the characters in Dr. Seuss stories do - that cuts out the questionable clothing issue altogether, as long as underwear isn’t worn on the outside of clothes.

Damn! With that kind of logic, I think I missed my calling. (I can hear my friends in the background yelling at me not to quit my day job. Thanks for the reality check - that's why you're my friends.) By the way, I have many liberal friends, but they haven't opened their minds so much that their brains have fallen out. The ones that I can count as my friends are those who use common sense to make their decisions about their beliefs and their kids. I really love those people! We don't have to see eye to eye, but at least their beliefs are based on something that can be quantified by reasoning, not their feelings.

By the way – are you a mother? You note you teach kindergarten, but fail to tell me if you are a mother. I always love it when I write something about my kids and how I'm raising them and people who have never raised a child go about telling me how I do it all wrong. That’s pretty laughable, too.

I find it "laughable" how so many teachers jump to the conclusion that I am somehow incapable of understanding what the intent or purpose of PJ Day is… yeah, ya want the little boogers to have a fun time, let their little imaginations run amok… but it is my belief that parents need to intervene more often and tell the schools that there are just some things that aren’t acceptable. Too many parents abdicate that responsibility, or are afraid they will be ridiculed. They don't want to make waves or be labeled as a trouble-maker.

Go ahead – make fun of me, denigrate me, make it sound like I am the spawn of hell, tell me what a fuddy duddy I am. I'll be the first to admit I'm not a perfect parent - kids don't come with instruction books that tell us how to raise them. It's learn as you go.

But go ahead, tell me how I just don't "get it". I can take it. What about you?

Jmac, I'd love to know how you made the leap from my post to the extremes you stated in your comment. Couldn't you just read it for what it is, instead of projecting your highly indoctrinated way of thinking into it? I thought teachers went to college and eventually had to get a Masters degree in order to stay in their teaching jobs – wouldn’t that suggest that you had to have some kind of critical thinking skills of your own?

Perhaps not. I knew a young woman who had her Master’s degree in education (wanted to be a teacher) and she couldn’t tell the difference between the formula for figuring out perimeter versus how to figure square footage, no matter how many times I showed it to her or explained it to her. Well, I’ll chalk that up to me not being able to teach at all… I know how to do the math, but passing that on to another person is just not my forté. But if she was any example of what our colleges were turning out for childhood education and she was supposedly qualified to teach elementary school kids - then it's no wonder America's education system is in the toilet.

A good teacher would never disparage a parent for doing what they think is right for their child... you are not accountable for those kids' lives... unless there is a darn good reason you think you should intervene (suspicions of abuse). You need to respect the parents and their knowledge of their kids (whom most have raised from birth - not you) and they have a better handle on what they want to teach their kids. You do not have the ultimate responsibility of raising the child. You get that child for a few hours in the day, five days a week (not accounting for snow days and holidays and teachers' conferences, Christmas Break, Spring Break, yadda yadda yadda), for nine months out of the year. But we, the parents, are ultimately responsible for what these kids learn about life and the choices we make.

I guess I get ticked off that the (public) schools and their faculty tend to focus on the short term without any regard for the bigger picture.

As for looking at the world from a child’s perspective, I think we have a handle on the fun stuff for our kids. Our kids do roller skating, take dance lessons & gymnastics, play dress up at home, take swimming lessons and go to the pool in the summer, take them to a children’s museum every chance we get, go to the park and play on the equipment – and they have just about every kind of toy and game one can imagine – and they still prefer to play with the simple cardboard box over the fancy doll house, or play outside with bubbles on a warm day.

One day of not being with their friends to participate in what has become some kind of goofy ritual isn’t going to scar their little psyches.

Merry Christmas to everyone... hope you enjoyed as much as the kids did.

Roller skating

I took the kids to a local roller skating rink to have them learn how to skate. They went to a friend's birthday party a little over a month ago at the rink and they loved it - even though they fell more than they skated...

It looks like the one lesson they had worked well for Kenzie - she was "skating" around the rink and not falling (much). She can't quite pick the feet up yet, but she does the in-and-out movement with her feet and she moves forward the whole time. She had a smile on her face the whole time she was there.

Richelle on the other hand, was more interested in the games and vending machines. Can we say, distracted by shiny objects?

Someone wants to be like me

She's my mini-me, only a whole lot better looking.

Catching up

I haven't blogged in awhile... I've been busy with preparations for the court date for my having filed for guardianship of mom.


The court date was December 1, and we were not expecting any problems at that time. But when we got there, my brother Bill (the youngest in the family) was there with his wife. Bill was dressed like a pimp... Grey patent leather shoes, pin-striped suit, and the pimp fedora. OHhhhhh, Yeahhhh!


The judge happened to be one that had had dealings with Bill previously (I believe he was the judge in the foreclosure proceedings against Bill - he'd lost his house back in 2007). Bill told the court that he'd just gotten hold of his lawyer that morning, and said his lawyer told Bill to ask for a continuance. The judge asked who his lawyer was and then tried to get hold of the lawyer to check on Bill's story, and only got an answering machine. (Sounds like a one man show to me.)


The judge asked if there was any reason to stop the proceedings at that point, but my lawyer asked that the witnesses be allowed to testify at that time. We started with our witnesses, and the minute one of them stated something Bill didn't like, he made an audible gasp as though he had just caught her in a lie (Oh, the drama of it all!) and the judge came down on him and told him that this was not an informal setting, and that he was to purport himself in a manner appropriate to the court proceedings.


This isn't one of the TV versions of small claims court. This was a genuine court proceeding and loud noises are out of order.



Each witness testified that I had been the one who was caring for mother all those years that she needed help. Bill questioned one witness about whether she remembered how Bill used to go to her house and mow her lawn and help her around the house. She said yes. I whispered to my lawyer that she should ask how much he charged to mow her lawn. She did, and the witness stated that mom had told her Bill was charging her $50 each time he did it. Yeah, he such a great son. Bill never did anything for mom without having a dollar sign attached to it.


Then I got up on the stand. I was asked several questions by my attorney... and then Bill asked some questions. He brought up the time when I filed for a protective order. Neither my lawyer nor the judge stopped the questioning, so I answered that yes, I had filed for a protective order against Richard. I explained why as well.... Richard's apparent instability, prior history, and that I had a child to protect against any possibility that he might try to harm me, and in doing so, would possibly harm my daughter.

I also told Bill that the date for either him or Richard to have said anything about either me or mom lying about what Richard had said, which lead up to my filing for the order of protection, was the court date back in 2006. They could have come then and plead their side of the case at that time. I hate to tell them, but the "Liar Liar Pants on Fire" charges at this time are not appropriate for these proceedings and have nothing to do with guardianship for mother.

Bill was given a chance to voice anything he wanted to after that. He yammered on for a while. The judge asked him if he had any objection to my being mom's guardian... to which he stuttered and talked incoherently, and then said, "I don't care. Make her guardian." I'm sure Richard would have had a hissy fit if he could have heard Bill say that.

Then he began to yammer on some more, rambling on about things that I was not given a chance to answer (and there was a logical explanation for everything he brought up) but I really didn't want to get into the He said/She said scenario - it would just show a lack of maturity. If my attorney or the judge want to ask about anything, I'll answer it. Otherwise, I'm staying out of the pettiness.

I will say I know in my gut it was Richard who told Bill to show up and contest it. I'm looking forward to the next court date. In the meantime, the judge granted me temporary guardianship. I'm busy preparing a six month listing of her income and expenses, so the judge can see I am capable of doing what it takes for the court's requirements. I'd also like to have an inventory of her property and its value ready for the judge by the next court date. Might as well get as much of that done as soon as possible.

Wish me luck. I honestly think I should be writing a book and trying to sell rights to the story for a TV movie. But usually, someone has to be killed or injured horribly in order to qualify for that... and I'm not wishing that on anyone. Especially not my daughters.