Xin Nian Kaui Le!

Our local FCC group had their Chinese New Year party for all our girls (and boys) adopted from China and Vietnam. Here are some pics of Kenzie and Jia. Been trying to get a video completed, but something's wrong with my Pinnacle Studio.... AAAAUUUUGH! I'm so frustrated right now.

I am so happy that both the girls love being Chinese and love the silk dresses. Jia wants to wear hers all the time... a little cold for that, though.

And yes, I put makeup on them. C'mon - it's once a year and they had a blast. They truly felt like little girls and loved being "all dressed up".

Motivation

Jia has informed me last Friday that she wants a computer like her Jie Jie.

Um.... Okaaaay.

I explained to her that a few things needed to happen before she could get one.

First, she had to be older. She not only had to grow up taller, but also not throw fits or take her frustrations out on things. (Such as last night... she broke some kind of glass? acrylic? plastic? figurine because Kenzie was using a hairbrush she wanted to use.) She also had to be able to do what was asked of her and to stop saying no to us as if it was a game. If we tell her to get ready for bed, then she needs to go upstairs and get changed for bed, not say NO and then do something else. Also, she had to stop throwing tantrums - crying every time she didn't get her way. I told her if she needed help, to come to mommy or daddy and we'd help show her a better way to express herself. And finally, I told her she needs to be able to speak more English, like mommy and daddy, so she could tell us what she needed to, and we could understand what she needed better. She was probably learning one or two new words every three to four days at this point.

Every day now, she holds her hand up above her head as if measuring herself, and says "Grow up, computer!" And she is wanting to name things now, learning the words for what is around her.

She's working toward her goal.

Funny thing, originally, I used to understand most of what she said. Now, when I can't understand it, Kenzie will pipe up and say, "OH, she's saying she blah blah blah." Miss Smarty Pants. I guess since she plays with Jia all the time, she gets used to what she is saying faster than I do.

And as I dropped off Jia today at pre-school, she says "Mommy, I go 'chool. You go home."

So good to know I make a difference in her life. LOL!

Two steps forward, five steps back...

Yesterday wasn't one of our better days.

First, there was no school for Kenzie. She had mixed emotions about that. She loves school and she loves staying home with mom. So which was she going to whine about? Still trying to figure that out.

Then, I had to go to the Social Security office to apply for Jia's social security number. The last time I was there, I was told the only other thing I needed was her Certificate of Citizenship. So, with that in hand, I go back and what does the clerk say this time? "You need to have her Indiana birth certificate before we can process her social security number."

I blew a gasket at that point. Doesn't anybody in government know what the $&%@ they are doing anymore? No one understands the rules, and they certainly don't understand how long it takes to go through the process of getting the Indiana delayed birth certificate for a child adopted internationally. AAAAUUUUUGGGHH! We need to do our taxes.

Four and a half years ago, when we got Kenzie's SSN, this wasn't a big issue. They took what we had and got us her number.

The man to whom my WRATH was directed said he'd go talk to his supervisor. Which is exactly when Jia decided to break out with all holy hell...

She decided that it was time to touch everything she could, try to run off with stuff that she had no idea what she was taking, and throwing Kenzie's coat on the floor over and over and over again while Kenzie is telling her to stop.

I picked her up and sat her down, to which she SCREAMED and slid down off the chair. So I picked her up again and put her on the chair... over and over again until I finally picked up her feet and laid her down across the chairs so she couldn't slide off. She screamed bloody murder the whole time. I never raised my voice, and simply told her "Jia, you need to calm down. Calm down, Jia. You want down? (nodding with screaming) You need to calm down. Mommy needs to talk with you."

I finally leaned down to her ear and whispered "Do you want to get done here and go eat?" She stopped screaming and brought it down to a whimper. She then began to calm down. I again whispered to her, "You cannot throw Kenzie's or anybody else's coat on the floor. You must not touch anything here except the toys we brought in. You can play with either toy we have. Are you ready to get down now?"

Nodding... no screaming. No more whimpering. Quiet.

I stood up and helped her get her boots back on (she had kicked them off in the fit she had thrown. Then she got up and behaved a little better. All I was going for was some sense of control so she wouldn't tear up everything.

I don't know what people thought of me, Jia, or the whole scenario. I'm sure some were horrified at her behavior, and others horrified at mine. I kept expecting to see the police pull up and enter the building because someone complained that I was abusing her. The other half of me wanted to apologize to everyone for the whole scene. I'm pretty sure everyone was thinking "Glad it's HER and not ME!"

Whatever.

I keep wondering what the hell am I doing wrong? I wonder if the austerity of the office reminded her of the orphanage.... and she reverted to what may have been her typical behavior she had displayed when living in the orphanage. Out of control.

How do I help this child learn how to regulate her emotions and actions? I am so ill equipped in this area. Roy and I knew that we wouldn't get as lucky as we did with Kenzie... Kenzie is easy going, and easy to discipline. Jia - totally out of control. She just doesn't seem to "get it". I can't let her run around destroying everything in her sight with the idea that "she just doesn't understand." She is a really smart kid. Really smart. But she wants to do what she wants to do and she doesn't want anyone to tell her NO. We can see she has a good heart... she wants to be a good little sister, and she loves us and wants to help wherever she can. She will out of the blue hug us and say "I love you" and generally be affectionate. And we have our good times... teasing and laughing and tickling and the gentle touches (me to her, her to me). So it's not all bad.

But the short bouts in-between when she is out of control takes so much energy. And yesterday left my right hand with a pinched nerve or tendon - something got twisted and now all I have to do is move the wrong way and I'm in pain.

Anyone with any book suggestions that can help here - or any suggestions from the BTDT crowd - feel free to jump in and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I just don't know anymore. I always thought I was a decent mother... NOT perfect, NOT exceptional - just good enough that I could at least make sure the kids made it through the day without killing each other. And perhaps we'd have peace MOST of the day. I am hoping that yesterday was just one of those days and it doesn't happen again. But if it does.... I am begging for insight.

Jia's first day of pre-school

Roy thought it would be a good idea for Jia to go to a pre-school, for many reasons.

First, she wouldn't be cooped up with me all day. Even going to a fun place like the children's museum or the library would still be "mom" related activites.

Second, I wouldn't be cooped up with Jia all day. OH, YEAH.... a little space is good for both of us.

Third, she was in a pre-school in China, so she probably was wanting to continue that.

Fourth, it would give her a chance to interact with other children about her age and it would probably help facilitate her learning English.

And last of all - and we found this out just yesterday - she WANTS to go to school.

I was holding her beside me at the table and asked if she wanted to go to school. She gave me this wide-eyed incredulous look as she shook her head yes. I told her she was going to go to school tomorrow. I then said (to put it in a perspective she understood) "Go to sleep, 'CHOOL!"

That's all Jia talked about every time she started a conversation. Before she'd ask for a drink, say she was hungry, or talk about coloring or watching a video, she'd say "Go to sleep, 'CHOOL!" just to confirm her understanding.

So today, she could hardly wait. It made her angry when we had to wait awhile before dropping off Kenzie at her school - the roads were nothing but ice under snow, and the school bus was stopped on top of a steep hill. I think there had been a car that slid sideways in the road and they had to remove it. Finally we got Kenzie dropped off and to her school.

We walked into the church where the pre-school is located, and she took off her coat - and before I could even get her to her class room, she was waving good-bye to me! Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not sure how to take that.

But she dove right in and was excited to be there. I had paperwork to fill out while there, and she kept saying, "Bye Bye Mommy!" So after filling out what I needed to and giving her a kiss, I left.

I went to a deli & coffee place that had free wifi. Aaaaaaahhhhh... uninterrupted computer time and a cup of coffee. Seems I've been missing a little free time to myself.

When I came back, she looked disappointed. YikeS!!!! But I got her going and we went to pick up Kenzie. All she could do was say "I like 'chool mommy!" and "Go to sleep, go to sleep, 'CHOOL!" (The school meets Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.)

I think we're both going to be happy in the long run.

Thanks to Jill for suggesting this pre-school. It is probably going to be a good thing for everyone involved.

Motherhood

Wow... this motherhood thing is hard.

OK, we got off really easy with Kenzie. She was so easy to take care of, to raise - we were spoiled rotten with a kid who was as close to perfect as can be. She was easy going, funny and smart... and able to do things for herself - something I didn't realize that I loved so much about her growing up.

OK, Jia is smart, and funny. She is NOT easy going. Just NOT. And her volume level is set on LOUDEST. (We never asked what words would help her understand that she needs to talk more softly.) But I think a huge part of all this right now is that there is such a huge distance between us because of the language barrier. She keeps saying something to me (daily) and so far no one understands what it is she is saying. Least of all me... since my Chinese is so limited.

It seems that once her jie-jie is home, things get marginally better. But there are still breakdowns in communication - and if I could only understand what she was saying I could help her more. She seems extremely willing to do things and to be thoughtful, especially towards her big sister. Wish I could say the same about Kenzie, but it seems she delights in finding ways right now to make her sister cry and trying to make it look like it's not her fault... hmmmmm.... guess she's got a mean streak in her. "OH mommy! I didn't know I was stepping on her bracelet" (as Kenzie is standing on it - gotta feel that round lumpy thing under her tender foot - as Jia is crying and trying to pull her foot off of it...)

I keep telling myself that it will get better.... it may take a few months of this - but it will get better.

On the flip side - I have no time to myself. I have absolutely no time to work on her adoption video, or get information for my mom for health insurance, or fill out forms to take Jia to Riley Hospital - and finding a quiet moment means waking up in the middle of the night and staying up 3-4 hours, only to wake up bleary eyed and tired... no, MORE tired.

We need to try and see if we can get her into a preschool. We have one in mind if we can get a scholarship. It is 3 days a week, 9-11:30 and it would do her good to be with kids she can play with. We went to a craft fair for kids at the place that has the preschool, and Jia had a blast making things - in fact, she really has great concentration and can do a lot of planning on what she wants her craft to look like. And she LOVED it. The church is a really nice place and I was impressed with the people. I hope things can work out. Jia really needs a little time for herself as well.

Walmart, ear piercings, and Thanksgiving

Thanks for all the advice on the Walmart situation. I will go back, get the woman's name and take a picture of her, then send a letter to corporate. There is no excuse for her behavior or words - and no excuse for this if Walmart hasn't trained their personnel better than that.

On the other hand, we will get Kenzie's ears pierced either today or tomorrow. There's a place in the mall we will go to, and we'll let her pick whatever earrings she wants to have put in her ears. Kenzie is not adjusting very well to this new arrangement. She wanted a sister for so long, but no matter how many times we talked with her about the changes that would take place, she didn't realize that it would be like this. Luckily, Jia adores her big sister - and that may work to our advantage, as long as Kenzie doesn't use it to get her to do things that we don't even want Kenzie to do.

I hope everyone's Thanksgiving was a very happy one! We had ours at my mother's, and my poor mother was run ragged by Jia. Before we left the house, I told Jia we were going to visit Meemaw. Jia shook her head yes and got very animated. Then, after a little while, we still weren't ready to go, she got her coat and began chattering away in Chinese and the only thing I caught was "Meemaw". She wanted to go, and NOW. We finally got there and when we pulled up and got the kids out of their car seats, Jia saw her Meemaw and she said "I lub eyou!" the very first thing. Wow... what a sweet child! She really loves her Wai Po and is thrilled to spend time with her and wants her attention.

Of course, we have to work on Jia's voice level. Everything she says is at top volume. By the end of the day, we all have headaches and need some tylenol. Thank goodness she goes to sleep!

More about Jia

Well,, it's day three and we've been to Tiger Park and an Orthodox Russian church (now just a museum type area). We had the girls feed pigeons in the square, which was a treat. The tigers were unbelievalbly huge... some of their heads were up as high as the windows of the van.

We are finding that Jia is generous. She will share her stuff. We had bought her some blocks. She gave Kenzie some to play with. When Kenzie came to take one more, Jia didn't want her to take any more and jumped up and down and cried. I told Kenzie that she had enough blocks to play with and shouldn't have taken any more. In fact, Jia had given her most of the blocks. Jia settled down and I played with her a little with the blocks. But once she was done, she took the rest of the blocks and gave them to Kenzie to play with. However, we are finding out that she does not like to be told no... and she is stubborn - very stubborn. We are thinking that she is actually younger than her given age... that or her emotional development is on par with a young 4 year old, not a child almost five. I sometimes can't tell if the things we are seeing is a result of the children being raised or treated different in China, or if it's a product of orphanage living, or if it is a developmental issue due to her age given being incorrect. However, we are sure that we'll not start her in Kindergarten next year in the fall. I think an extra year out of school would be good for her, and so does Roy.

Jia is very vocal. She chatters constantly. Most of it we can't understand at all... and she is pretty loud when she talks. I have a feeling that in the orphanage, the loudest got the attention. And Jia is LOUD! But when she's tired, she quiets down a bit.

She loves to brush her teeth, to wash her hands, she's learned to wipe herself when she goes to the bathroom, she loves to sing, and is the biggest tease. I know I've said that last one, but it's worth repeating. There's a lot of testing behavior... doing things she knows she's not supposed to, but looking at me for a reaction when she does. If it's not harmful, I have been ignoring it. But when she's tried things that she shouldn't, I gather her in my arms and hold her for a few moments and then allow her to go back to playing.

She picks up on how to do things fast. She didn't know how to button buttons together. I showed her one time and she can do it now. First time we went to a restaurant, she was banging every utensil, plate,and chopstick she could find. I would take them away and put them far from her so she couldn't do that - returning only what she needed when it was time to eat. The next time we went to a restaurant, she began to bang and I said, "Give to Mama." She smiled and gave me everything but her plate. The next time, she just started to give me her utensils and extra stuff.

Our guide, Lynn, asked her if she loved her mama, baba, and jie jie. She said yes. Then Lynn asked which one she liked the best... she said she loved her jie jie best. That's good. Not so sure that the feeling is completely reciprocated at this point... but it will be as time goes on.

I'll be unavailable for awhile...

This is just to let you know that I probably won't post again until we get to China. I just don't have any time right now - and as much as I'd love to pine away about all the crap I have to do yet... I don't have time... LOL! Broken record.

I love you all.... and am looking forward to sharing our story with you.

Jia, we are on our way, honey.

Just for the record...

This morning Kenzie said, "Mama, did you notice I haven't jumped or bounced on the bed?" And she went immediately to the bathroom after eating breakfast and fixed her own toothbrush and brushed her teeth without having to be told. I made sure that she knew I was very proud of her and that she behaved very well this morning. HUGS all around...


I'm sitting here with the biggest grin on my face. She is so precious.


But it begs the question... am I going to be a good mama to the second child? Will I have some kind of magic or insight that will help me with any problems I have with her? I don't believe lightening is going to strike twice in our family and we'll be given a sweet and easy-going child - she's going to be far different than Kenzie was... of that I am sure. I am praying hard (and reading all I can to prepare myself) that I will be up to this challenge.

Adult teeth coming in

Kenzie has one adult tooth (on the bottom, front, left side) that has broken through the skin and is growing out quickly. The problem is, it isn't under the primary tooth it is meant to replace. And the next tooth in the very front on the right is just under the skin (you can see the white of the tooth) and is almost broken through.

We went to the dentist and she says this happens once in a while to kids. The adult tooth is supposed to come up under the primary tooth and dissolve the root, thus making it easier for the primary tooth to come out. Kenzie's is only dissolving half the root from where it is. So the dentist recommended that she work that tooth loose for all she's got. If we can't get it out, they want to pull it (yikes!).

Last night she was working it and then stopped and said that it hurt. So I looked at it, and it was bleeding ever so slightly around the tooth itself. She must have loosened it quite a bit with a couple of really hard pushes... but after I got all excited about her tooth being so loose, and how she was getting her permanent teeth, and how I couldn't wait to see her new smile - she began to get downright silly and excited that she was going to lose a tooth and get "lots and lots of money!" Yeah, we do the tooth fairy thing.

And I thought she was just excited to be growing up.

Changing names

Our dear daughter told her parents (that's us...) that she wanted to be called by her Chinese name.

Now, I know a lot of this stems from the fact that we are going to be giving her sister a choice as to which name she would like to be called - her Chinese name or her American name - and I've explained to Kenzie why we are doing it (after all, her sister has used the same name for the last 4.5 years). But I think Kenzie is wanting to have that choice, too.

But this isn't something I didn't expect. In fact, I've always told Kenzie if she ever decided to use her Chinese name instead of her American one, then we would do so. Now she's making a choice to do so.

I asked her last night if this was a permanent change or a temporary one. After answering her questions about what permanent and temporary meant, she gave it some serious thought and said, "I want it to be permanent. At least for one week."

Then last night, as we are getting ready for bed, she said, "You can call me YM, you can call me M-M, You can call me M..."

I've been trying to call her by her Chinese name - and when I goof and call her Kenzie, I correct myself. I'm trying to make the switch so she can see if she likes it.

Fingerprinted - the 3rd time

You know, there was a time during this adoption wait that Roy and I would look at each other and say, "Well, if we haven't gotten a referral by "this date", then we should just forget it." Or, "If we haven't adopted by "this date" we should just forget it. Those "dates" have changed as the wait has gone on. But as time went on, and the referral got closer and closer, we began to ignore the "forget it" attitude and started believing that everything would be alright. Then we got our referral... but it doesn't end there

Well, here it is late September, and we've been fingerprinted again for the 3rd time. We are being told that it will take 3-4 weeks to get our written approval back. That would mean we probably wouldn't be going until late November at the earliest. The good news was this fingerprinting didn't cost us anything...

In a week I will call the contact person I'd been given and ask her if she has received the approval from the FBI... and if she has, if she can send an email to our coordinator, so hopefully, we won't be Christmas going to get our daughter. I really don't want to wait any longer than necessary.

On the other hand, I am working on getting a nice picture book together for Jia. It will include pics of us, her extended family, and facts about us and where we live that she might like to know, plus places that we like (like the parks and places we like to go to). I hope to have that completed by Wednesday or Thursday, and then have friends interpret our words into Chinese. I hope to have it overnighted to her by no later than the second week of October. She needs time to get to "know" us and what her life might be like before she even meets us.

TRAVEL APPROVAL!!!!!!

WOO HOOO! Ok, we're just that much closer to our beautiful little girl. I have GOT to get busy getting a picture book out to her and some little things she might enjoy. I really hope she's going to like girly-girl stuff and wearing dresses. I've only seen her in pants.

It's going to happen...

Too funny pictures.

Just had to share the following pics of Kenzie. She was "posing" her version of a model. Strong but cute.

Hey - Tyra! Pay attention!

I need to thank so many people...

How do I go about thanking all the people who have been supportive of our journey? A mere thanks couldn't go far enough. There are people coming out of the virtual woodwork to offer help, suggestions, and support.

I've had numerous people contact me in regards to what to expect when adopting an older child. Their advice is being absorbed into my very soul and being. It's great to hear from others who have adopted older children and to know what works... and doesn't work. Not understanding why a child does one thing or another makes it very difficult to know what the right thing to do is. It's hard enough when you have a child that is "normal" in their adjustment and then they act out of character or do something you don't approve of, and there are no instructions to being a parent (bio or adoptive) - so getting help from others is so very important to me. Keep all the information and suggestion coming. If anyone out there has a great book on attachment and methods to help an older child adjust to their adoptive family - I'm all ears!

I think overall, Roy and I do well with children... but we've never had to deal with a child that has been institutionalized for this long. We'll be presented with special challenges, I'm sure. But then, when the attachment begins to form and the bond grows - and it finally clicks with our little one that SHE IS HOME WITH HER FAMILY FOREVER - it will be all the sweeter for having gone through all the challenges.

I've had lots of people ask when we will be traveling. We aren't quite sure yet. However, our agency is hoping by the end of October through the first couple weeks of November. It will be chilly and probably snowing in Harbin at that time. Packing some warm coats, hats, and mittens will be a must. I hope to know something by mid to late September. In the meantime, we are redoing our fingerprints (got the request in to schedule an appointment) and are sending off to get our visas.

God bless you all for your help. I don't take any of this for granted. I do believe that what goes around, comes around - so you will end up doubly blessed for all your efforts to shore me up and you've been such a good friend to someone who has done nothing to really deserve it... but is so grateful none-the-less.

The CCAA SURPRISES US!

Well, I wasn't expecting it, but we got another referral today. It is for a 4.5 y/o girl from Heilongjiang province - waaaaaaaaaay up north between Inner Mongolia and Russia.

I am waiting for her medical and developmental info - and praying HARD there isn't anything in there to be a red flag. She has big brown eyes and a lot of hair (even if it is cut short). Roy and I are excited, and we are very happy. I'm glad that she is an older child. It certainly won't make it easier to communicate with her, but she and Kenzie will be able to play together. Being older, I'm sure she'll be able to learn English fairly quickly. I'm hoping that the age difference (only 1.25 years) won't be too close together... but we'll see. A lot will depend on our new daughter's temperament.

When I can post more, I will. I am not going to post any photos until I know more about her medicals and get the report from our IA docs.

Wish us luck, please. I won't be able to sleep until we know.

Thankful...

I want to thank everyone who has been so supportive. You have made this time less stressful...

I NEVER thought I'd ever turn down a referral. NEVER! I always believed that the child we were referred would be the one we were supposed to have. And then to have a twist thrown into the whole deal was a stunning turn of events.

Some have said perhaps we were brought into this child's life to get her properly designated as SN so she could be with the right family. That may be. But I would hope that the child would be re-matched quickly with a family who is approved for SN and can handle her issues. Perhaps its to bring to light the complexity of the "SN but healthy" designation and the problems it presents.

I think the CCAA has a huge problem with their new designation of "SN but Healthy". Either the interpretation is too vague, or the orphanages don't quite have enough understanding of the implications of certain physical symptoms to know that, just because it doesn't look like a child has 'XYZ' condition, that doesn't mean it isn't something else. And until the other stuff is ruled out, it's hard to say that the child is "healthy".

Well, that's my 2 jiao worth.


But thanks to all who have supported our decision. We are still feeling rather bad - it's hard to know that our decision will affect a little girl whom we don't know. I hope it will change her life for the better, and not for the worse.

Conflicted

We're a bit scared about this adoption. It appears that children in the north of China are almost always abandoned because of some SN - not like children in the south. We have found someone who worked for an organization that did some work for the orphanage where our daughter is "from" (I use parenthesis because she's actually in foster care in a different part of the municipality, separate from the city proper). He says that it is very likely that something was wrong with the child, or else she wouldn't have been abandoned. He said one of the diagnoses she was given is a basic catch-all diagnosis because, if there is nothing they can find physically wrong, then the doctor's general attitude is that it must be this one diagnosis, because "what else could it be?"

She's lost valuable time in helping her brain make the all-so-important neural connections she needed to have in order to give her a leg up on her learning abilities. We don’t know that this kind of neglect – no matter how minor – can be made up once the child is past 3 years old.

You know, this would be so different if we had a child that had a repaired physical SN referred to us - something you could see and verify physically. But with anything that has to do with the brain - it's something you can't repair or quantify. So we are left wondering what is going on...

I'm probably not going to blog any more about this referral. I know that people are going to think we are heartless if there is something that will prevent us from taking her. But we are not angels, saints, do-gooders or heroes. We are human and we have our limitations. We know it and are willing to admit to that. For those who don't understand it, or for those people who have taken on SN children and think that anyone who doesn't do so is somehow "less than", for anyone who buys into the “this is our child no matter what” frame of mind, I just don't understand it when they want to force those attitudes on others who realize they are not capable of taking on certain special needs.

I'm not a martyr. I would physically place myself between my daughter and harm - that is what a mother would/should do to protect her children. I’m sure that a lot of what I’m saying will place me in the “she’s so shallow” category of mothers. It’s a sure thing I’ll never get nominated for “Mother of the Year.”

I seem to remember that the CCAA once put up a down’s syndrome child as a trial to see if anyone would adopt him. If I remember right, I don’t think anyone did. That says volumes about the true nature of what people are willing to take on when it comes to special needs. Am I really so shallow after all?

OK, maybe she's not mentally impaired – perhaps there was no special need at all. Maybe she was misdiagnosed. Perhaps she was abandoned for reasons other than something about her birth was considered a problem for the baby. Perhaps the doctor in attendance during her birth misdiagnosed her as having an issue, when in truth, there was no problem at all.

I am hoping God strikes me with a lightening bolt and makes it plain as day that we are supposed to parent this child.

I talk big about trusting God - well... I need to put my actions where my mouth is. There is a part of me that is pulled to this child... but is that God working in my heart, or selfish desires that have me wanting so badly for this child to be “fine”.

I am torn and conflicted. And there are days when I think I must be the biggest, most selfish bitch in the world.

The wait...

(Sigh) Agony.

I hate waiting.

I am torn between trying to be patient and
screaming my fool head off because nothing is happening on this end of the adoption process.

I keep going over the Serenity Prayer in my head... you know, the one that alcoholic's say at the end of their meetings?

God,

Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
The courage to change the things we can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen and Amen!

I need to get that serenity thing going for me.

Update - not much new yet

Well, our pediatrician had a chance to review our referral info. He basically said that the best way to determine if the child had any problems with one of the issues, then an MRI is the best way to tell. I emailed our coordinator at the adoption agency and told her that we would like to request an MRI instead of the CT scan. The orphanage hadn't yet scheduled the CT scan, and are willing to do the MRI.

I am hoping that we'll have something by next week to get our approval in (I am assuming everything is actually just fine...).

Prayers are welcome at this time.