Wednesday, May 24, 2006

The waiting game

We were LID to China 01/16/2006 for our second daughter. At the time we were LID, the wait was around 8-9 months. OK... that would have been fine with me.

But as the months stretch out, we are seeing longer and longer wait times.

At first my husband was saying perhaps we should consider a waiting child. I am all for that. So here I am trying to build a relationship with the lady in charge of Special Needs children at our agency, and going at it full tilt towards finding a WC.... and my husband the other day says, "I'm resigned to the wait." Well dammit! I'm not. I think he's thinking that perhaps we should wait and then we'll be too old to get a referral, so we'll only have Kenzie as a daughter.

I'm still going to try and find a WC - whether he likes it or not. The last time we adopted, we started out with a 12 -14 month wait from the time our dossier was logged in to referral. We received our referral 8 months later. Kenzie was a healthy, happy little girl who (oh, gee, I know anyone who has read anything about Chinese adoption hears this all the time) fit in with us perfectly. She was smart, had a sense of humor (Lord knows she'd need one to be a part of our family) , and was easy going enough to be a pleasure, but outgoing, friendly and had a certain amount of confidence that we really thought we'd hit the jackpot.

We could wait. But I'm going to be 50 in June, and he's already 58. The way things are looking, we may end up with a referral 18 - 24 months out... and by that time I think China would say, "Thanks, but we think we'll pass on you two!" (Is that what Roy is counting on? Perhaps I should bring this up to him... if he'll be honest.)

I am beginning to think that we are crazy to want to have young children in our home. Kenzie is 3.5 years old and she has brought so much joy into our day to day living. But will we live long enough to see her through the rest of her childhood, and watch her grow up into a young woman? Add to that another child - perhaps even younger than Kenzie - and it complicates matters even further. And yet, there is this part of us that wants Kenzie to have a sibling with which she would have something in common with, so that when Roy and I are dead, they will have each other to lean on. They will have family.

Unfortunately for Roy and me, we don't have great relationships with our siblings. I have a gay brother who is prejudiced, crazy and dangerous, and a redneck brother who is prejudiced, immature and stupid. Not great choices for uncles. Worse yet... they both blame me for all the bad things that have happened to them... I am the evil bitch that has destroyed their lives. Hey... I'm not evil! But thanks for giving me so much power. I'll try not to squander it. (Evil laughter ensues...)

Roy's brother- I won't comment on. From what I have heard, he may be a bit jealous of Roy... because we've been happily married (we always refer to that phrase as an oxymoron) for a long time and we have a daughter.

We wouldn't be able to set a good example as to how to get along with or have close relationships with siblings. But so what. That doesn't mean we can't teach that to our daughters.

Well... in the next few days, our agency should be getting another group of WC files. I hope to be able to find our daughter in the list.

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