Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The wait...

(Sigh) Agony.

I hate waiting.

I am torn between trying to be patient and
screaming my fool head off because nothing is happening on this end of the adoption process.

I keep going over the Serenity Prayer in my head... you know, the one that alcoholic's say at the end of their meetings?


Grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change,
The courage to change the things we can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Amen and Amen!

I need to get that serenity thing going for me.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Update - not much new yet

Well, our pediatrician had a chance to review our referral info. He basically said that the best way to determine if the child had any problems with one of the issues, then an MRI is the best way to tell. I emailed our coordinator at the adoption agency and told her that we would like to request an MRI instead of the CT scan. The orphanage hadn't yet scheduled the CT scan, and are willing to do the MRI.

I am hoping that we'll have something by next week to get our approval in (I am assuming everything is actually just fine...).

Prayers are welcome at this time.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Referral update

I have to say, I'm impressed with the orphanage that our referral came from. They sent the xrays that were taken of her from last year for us to view, plus they have volunteered to do a CT scan and will also video tape her for us.

I am becoming more comfortable that this child has nothing seriously wrong with her. (I put the emphasis on seriously wrong - minor issues, or even developmental delays or learning disabilities, I'm pretty sure we will be able to deal with those.) I have a feeling she may be a bit shy, and probably didn't get the kind of stimulation Kenzie was privy to, since Kenzie was given loads of attention by us. But the more I see and hear, the more I am certain this is our daughter. There are so many things that just seem to say to me this is the right thing to do.

I wish more orphanages were like this one. They seem to be willing to do what it takes to assure us "nervous nellies" that the child is as they say.

I am hoping the next post will be that we have sent off our acceptance. That's what I really want to write.

In the meantime, I have THIS goofball to deal with! LOL!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Some encouraging news...

This morning, we received xrays taken last year of her chest and upper abdomen area. They do not show any curvature of the spine. The IA doctor that called us today said she wanted some different pics and more info on her, but said overall her physical and developmental information looked very good.

It's kind of what we were thinking - but not being doctors, we want to be sure we have enough information to know what we may be getting into.

With Kenzie, she had some issues not in her write up - and some health problems that either were ignored or not known at the time we adopted... but we wouldn't have traded her for a billion dollars. I am hoping and praying this is the same case.

We have asked for some more info, and hope that in a day or two we can get everything we need to go ahead with this, which is the way we are leaning at the moment.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I am taking this one step at a time...

First, thanks to everyone for their support. However, I want to make one thing clear. I'm not angry - at least not at the CCAA or the orphanage or our agency - nothing like that.

I'll relate a story about Kenzie that will help put into perspective our experience and our reasons for taking this one step at a time and to evaluate all sides of the issue (not just a doctor's point of view).

When we got Kenzie's referral, we were so excited - she was the most adorable, sweet-looking child I had ever laid eyes on. We sent off her referral info and pictures to an international adoption clinic to have them review it.

When I got the call from one of the doctors who had reviewed her file, she said that there was a moderate chance that our daughter could be neurologically damaged (which, by the way folks, covers a huge area of issues, from possibly having trouble walking or speaking to being mentally retarded). I was devastated... I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I just didn't see it in the pics, but the doctor ticked off one reason after another why she had come to this conclusion.

I sent the referral info off to yet another doctor known in international adoption circles. In the meantime, someone I had met by chance over the internet, who just happened to be adopting from the same orphanage, said he would try to see her and take some pics or video if possible to help me out.

Well, HIS pictures and video showed a completely normal child - and there were none of the issues the original IA doctor talked about. The second IA doctor soon called me and went over the child's info with me, but told me not to worry too much - that sometimes the doctors are in a hurry and/or don't do the developmental testing very thoroughly or didn't read the medical test correctly or the tests were faulty... that anything could be possible. She told us that if we were to go to China, we could assess the child's abilities while we were there, and she gave us things to look for. And she was very positive in her outlook - that most of these children are just fine, or recover from any problems they have with gross or fine motor skills fairly quickly, once they are in a loving family who will give them the attention, love, and nutrition they need.

Well, long story short, we went. We saw that she was not only fine - she was very intelligent, had a great sense of humor (even for an 18 month old) and only had some gross motor skill issues that were easily correctable.

So I guess the moral to the story is, be cautious, get lots of opinions, and understand that there is incompetence in the medical field no matter what country you live in. And there are times when issues might be over-exaggerated or mistaken as something which it is not.

We will do our due diligence, and try to come to a conclusion based on what may be faulty information, or information that may have been faulty to begin with at her finding.

The thing that strikes me the most is that the first time my husband came to me and told me he wanted to adopt again, it was around Thanksgiving, 2004, and this child was born in November 2004 (right around Thanksgiving!). Her finding date was listed as Dec 6, 2004. Dec 6 was my father's birth date. Signs from heaven?

We shall try to be reasonable with our requests to assess this child's condition. But to be honest, I think that we most likely will need to go and see her - and ultimately, this may be the only way we will know for sure if there is something we need to be concerned with. In the meantime, we will weigh the reviews and advice from the doctors.

I can't help but feel so much for this child. And to put my heart on hold is something I am having a hard time with.

Referral dilemma

Ok, we got our call on June 9, 2008. At first we were giddy and high and so excited.

Then today, the coordinator had translated referral info that was not so giddy. So - I am not going to post anything here right now on our referral until we can sort out what is going on and can make a decision. I absolutely hate this. Here I was excited and happy - ready to adopt an older child that I felt would probably be just the right age for our family, falling in love with her face - and then I find out there may be issues that we could be totally unprepared for and/or unable to handle on either a short or long-term basis. We are consulting three doctors, one of which was able to respond immediately, one who will respond later this week and another that will respond next week sometime. There is missing information, incomplete information, and confusing information in her referral, and it appears she may have been listed as a special needs child at one time, and now they are saying she's not special needs. We asked for a healthy child. The question is: what is the CCAA's definition of healthy?

My only concern at this moment is that we get the information we need to make an informed decision. This little girl deserves a family - but if we are not able to take her due to our home situation and other factors because of a SN issue she has (if in fact she has one) - if we are not the family that would be able to help her - then accepting a referral would not be fair to her, to Kenzie, or to our family as a whole.

I am hoping that we are going to all have a happy ending with this. And it may just come down to a leap of faith...

I'm doing a lot of praying on this one. But overall, I think this just sucks. And I feel like I'm the bad guy here. Crap.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Something is "in the air"...

My coordinator emailed that their Beijing office told them that they have something in the air. Not that it would be referrals... but one hopes so. It could be something to do with special needs, or travel approvals, or something else. But I really want it to be referrals.

Hopefully, Monday (or Tuesday, depending on how crazy Monday gets) I'll be able to post something definite. I'm not crossing any fingers - but I am praying like crazy...

Thursday, June 05, 2008

The latest rumors

OMG... is it finally going to happen?

After almost 2 1/2 years of waiting, it appears that we will be in the next batch of referrals from China. I almost can't breathe - it is overwhelming and scary and just too much to even think about right now. Rumor Queen says the cutoff seems to be January 22, which means we are in this batch.

OMG... please let it be true!

I just can't even think about it, but it's all that's on my mind. I love my daughter so much - and it just seems impossible to think that we'll be adopting one more time so we can love another precious child.