Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Referral dilemma

Ok, we got our call on June 9, 2008. At first we were giddy and high and so excited.

Then today, the coordinator had translated referral info that was not so giddy. So - I am not going to post anything here right now on our referral until we can sort out what is going on and can make a decision. I absolutely hate this. Here I was excited and happy - ready to adopt an older child that I felt would probably be just the right age for our family, falling in love with her face - and then I find out there may be issues that we could be totally unprepared for and/or unable to handle on either a short or long-term basis. We are consulting three doctors, one of which was able to respond immediately, one who will respond later this week and another that will respond next week sometime. There is missing information, incomplete information, and confusing information in her referral, and it appears she may have been listed as a special needs child at one time, and now they are saying she's not special needs. We asked for a healthy child. The question is: what is the CCAA's definition of healthy?

My only concern at this moment is that we get the information we need to make an informed decision. This little girl deserves a family - but if we are not able to take her due to our home situation and other factors because of a SN issue she has (if in fact she has one) - if we are not the family that would be able to help her - then accepting a referral would not be fair to her, to Kenzie, or to our family as a whole.

I am hoping that we are going to all have a happy ending with this. And it may just come down to a leap of faith...

I'm doing a lot of praying on this one. But overall, I think this just sucks. And I feel like I'm the bad guy here. Crap.

12 comments:

Susie said...

Oh no! How heartbreaking! I hope you get the answers you need quickly so you can make an informed decision.

Desiree said...

Wow, I can't imagine how disapointed and even angry you are after waiting so long. We have adopted a sn's child and are in the process of adopting another sn's daughter both from China, if you have any questions or would like yahoo group info, email me.

Carolyn and Brent said...

I'm so sorry - the emotions are so powerful.

*Overflowing* said...

I don't know your family...found your blog on RQ but I wanted to let you know I am praying for you. I can't imagine having to make this decision. I will be praying for wisdom for you! God gave you this baby for a reason...whether it's to pray for her for the rest of her life as she is your daughter or to pray for her and her new family. His plans are perfect and I will be praying that He reveals them to you! Jeremiah 29:11

Blessings, stacy
www.mycupoverfloweth.blogspot.com

walternatives said...

I found your blog via RQ. I realize that we are strangers to each other, but I wanted to offer my support as well as positive thoughts. You are NOT the "bad guy" here. On the contrary, I applaud you for being reasonable and cautious, getting what you need so that you can make an informed, unbiased opinion as to whether or not this child is a good match for you and your family. Your are doing exactly what you should be doing, though I'm terribly sorry that you have to go through this.

I'll definitely be checking back. In the meantime, I'll be holding you in my thoughts, asking the Universe for your continued strength and clarity, Julie.

Christian Buchanan said...

Julie,
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this dilemma. I will share that during our wait we decided that God was choosing the child we were meant to parent. We prayed and trusted in Him.
In Nov 2006 we received a referral for a little girl who was said to be deaf (we were on both NSN the and SN list). We brought our Olivia home in March 2007. She has had two hearing tests and has NO hearing loss. We can't imagine not having her and neither can her brothers!
I hope you find some encouragement in our story. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Christian Buchanan said...

Julie,
I'm so sorry you are experiencing this dilemma. I will share that during our wait we decided that God was choosing the child we were meant to parent. We prayed and trusted in Him.
In Nov 2006 we received a referral for a little girl who was said to be deaf (we were on both NSN the and SN list). We brought our Olivia home in March 2007. She has had two hearing tests and has NO hearing loss. We can't imagine not having her and neither can her brothers!
I hope you find some encouragement in our story. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

geminirn said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!!!

FDChief said...

Our first referral was supposed to be a little girl with a minor skeletal defect. We accepted the child, travelled to China where, exhausted, jet-lagged and emotionally unhinged we were presented with a child that showed every sign of grave dysfunction. She was eventually diagnosed with cerebral palsy.

We could not raise a CP child and returned her to her orphanage. We will regret what we did to her to our dying day, but not the decision we made. It was wrong for her, but right for us, and our son. We eventually adopted a little girl with a cleft who is a happy, active child. We have made peace with our choice.

If you want to learn more, you can find our story at: http://dlgellar.blogspot.com/2007/09/yun-yuns-story-tragedy-in-two-acts.html

My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

FDChief said...

We encountered a similar situation: the little girl we were presented with had MUCH more severe problems that we had been advised of.

Our story begins here: http://dlgellar.blogspot.com/2007/09/yun-yuns-story-tragedy-in-two-acts.html if you want to read more.

Suffice to say that my confidence in the Chinese medical system was not reinforced by our experience.

My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

FDChief said...

Oops. Sorry - I missed the whole "moderated comment" thing. Please excuse the double post.

Allen and Dawn said...

Julie,
I will keep you in our prayers. I know you waited for this moment for a long time. Keep praying, trusting that God knows what is best for you and how much you can handle.