Thursday, June 18, 2009

Jia grieves for her Chinese mommy

Don't ask me how we got on the subject, but last night, for about the third time since we've had Jia, I told her about how her Chinese mommy left her to be found so she could be taken care of by someone else. In this case, she was taken to an orphanage and cared for until we could come adopt her and be her family.

Jia asked many questions - mostly why did her Chinese mommy not keep her. I told her that no one knows why... her family didn't leave a note stating why they left her...

She got real quiet, and the look on her face said that she was finally processing the information.

She said, "That's so sad."

I told her I agreed.

She said, "I wish my Chinese mommy could keep me."

I told her I understood how she felt. I told her that even though she didn't have her Chinese mommy - she has a new family that loves her dearly and want to give her all the things her Chinese family would probably have wanted for her as well... a good education, fun activities like dance lessons and gymnastics and swim lessons, and lots of hugs and kisses, and a sister to enjoy life with.

She was holding back - and acted like she didn't want to cry. I reached out to her more than once to hold her, but she made no move to come to me. I finally said, "Please, honey, let me hold you. Let me love you."

She then began to cry and came to me. I held her and rocked her as she held tightly to me and sobbed and cried for her Chinese mommy. Over and over again, she would say, "I wish my Chinese mommy kept me." All I could do was kiss her and stroke her hair and tell her "I know".
Kenzie and daddy came up to see what all the commotion was. I told them that Jia was grieving for her Chinese mommy, and I think it surprised Roy. Kenzie's comment was, "Why?"

Then Kenzie got up on the bed and started goofing off - which made Jia smile. She stated again (to Kenzie) that she wished her Chinese mommy had kept her. Kenzie just kept on goofing. Then Jia said to Kenzie, "You have a Chinese mommy, too, Kenzie."

Kenzie's reply? "Yeah... So?" Then more goofing. It doesn't seem to affect Kenzie yet that there was a mother who had given birth to her but didn't keep her. She just doesn't care at this point.

Later, as Jia was in bed and I was trying to get her to sleep, she said she missed her Chinese mommy. But then she was very loving and wanted lots of hugs and kisses - then told me to leave - she didn't need me. I have a feeling she is going to take some time to process this, and there will be more questions.

There's no easy way through this and there's no way to soften the blow. It will just run its course.

3 comments:

Joan said...
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sarah said...
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Super Mommy said...
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