Yes, it's been quite awhile... I have had to deal with mom's estate issues (still going on - waiting on the judge to make a decision regarding the guardianship checking account).
I thank God every day for all of my blessings - I may not list them specifically, but I do know that many of the blessings I am living with are there in front of me and sometimes, I may not recognize it at first. But I do know that my blessings are many.
I have been taking a class, called "Loving God With All Your Mind", by Elizabeth George. It talks about how to keep worry and anxiety at bay, how to look at what bothers you or what you think you know... how to let God guide your thoughts and actions so that you don't let worry or misunderstandings get in your way of living a happier life. The one thing I pray for daily is more patience with the kids.
So yesterday, when the kids were doing their homework, Richelle was crying and doing a little fit because she had to do two pages of homework, plus she had a small booklet to finish of math (to be finished by Wednesday because they are being tested on it). She was simply overwhelmed and feeling like she was never going to get it done - all she wanted to do was go outside to play.
I let her work through it, and then began checking her homework. I found mistakes and told her we needed to go over the work so I could show her what was wrong. She began to break down and cry.
She came over to me and I put my arms around her and said, "It's okay honey - you just misunderstood what they wanted from you. I'll sit with you and talk with you about it, so you can figure it out. And don't worry - God wants us to perservere. He loves us and wants what's best for us - and when we keep trying and work at it, he helps us. We'll get it done."
She nodded her head and sat back at the table, and I began to show her what problem was asking, and how to figure it (I do not give her the answers - I make her think it through). She began to settle down, and by the end of the first two pages, she actually volunteered to do two pages of the large pamphlet of homework. She began to feel better about her abilities.
The best part of my not getting pulled into the craziness of her breakdown was that I felt such peace inside - I felt such love and peace and was much happier myself - I was able to look at her pain in a different light. Thank you God for the lessons I am learning and love I feel for my children. Thank you for these amazing, beautiful girls who bring such light into my life.
For anyone who is not sure - I can tell you that parenting is 24/7 on-the-job training. You learn as you go. No number of parenting books will ever prepare you or help you with what is going to happen as your kids grow. But I have found that if I work with the Bible as my guide, and use God's word to live by - I can do much better as a mom than to allow my own anger or pride to take over and rule my heart. I've done that so much of my life - and I am not willing to allow that kind of life to continue - I don't want that attitude to teach my kids how to be when they grow up. I'll never be perfect, but I have to be better than that - and when I make a mistake, I hope I have enough sense to recognize it and apologize for those mistakes. That will help my kids realize that there is no perfect parent. But I love them and want to do my best, and if they realize that, they will hopefully come to me when they will need me the most in their lives.
Please, God, let me live long enough to help them develop a strong faith and reliance on you. Please let me be an example of that faith and reliance.