Late night musings - I can't sleep

I guess older child adoption isn't for everyone... but I'm so glad we did this!!!

There are so many people out there who are searching for a way to make their lives mean something - who want to be remembered for something. Unfortunately, we have people who want to do it in an evil way - killing people, or destroying institutions or property, or cheating people out of millions (or billions) of dollars for personal gain. Then you have people who have no hope, who believe their lives mean nothing and that they will never matter to anyone - so they are petty criminals, living only for themselves. Or they don't believe that any of their actions will have consequences that could reach any further than themselves, and in being such, they have no compunction in taking the life of another, just because they think they have been wronged in some manner, or want something that they don't have.

You know, we can't all be a Jonas Salk or Marie Curie or Alexander Fleming... people who through their work were able to influence and change millions of lives for the better. They are the rare ones.

I'll settle for the difference I can make in just three lives, to start with. Roy, Kenzie and Jia. I may never matter to any one else I meet in my life, but I have purpose and meaning because I am important to them. And they are the world to me.

We are but small spiders on webs, each of us. And the strands of our webs, as they branch out and touch whatever they are attached to are influenced by what happens to us, but we also influence the things we are attached to by our walking on our webs. No matter where we are or who we are in contact with, we all influence each other, even in what may at first appear to be small ways, but sometimes, that small influence will become a huge difference to someone. The more I am a mother, the more I know how interconnected we all are.

You know, there are times I just want to cry when people ask if my daughters are blood siblings. If people realized how such a small percentage of DNA separate us all from each other - even separating one race from another - they might not put so much importance on blood relations anymore. If we all go back far enough - we're all related in some way.

Jia is beginning to tone down the yelling - and that is helping a lot. And last night, Kenzie and Jia were playing like best friends together. It was such a blessing to see them laughing and rolling around on the bed playing and just being little girls having a good time with each other. And once we were in bed, Jia said something to me in Chinese... and I just knew it was "Face me mommy." I turned to her and she immediately put her arm around my neck and pulled my face right up to hers, and she pursed her lips for a kiss, then said "I lub you." Then she curled up next to my body and told me (using Chinese and showing me) that her forehead itched... LOL! I began stroking her forehead and hair with my fingers, and she fell right into a deep sleep. What an awesome little girl. She reminds me so much of Kenzie when she was two or three. But still, she's different. And the trust and love she is showing us is so precious.

Funny, I don't understand most of what she is saying in Chinese, but somehow, I can figure out what is going on or what she wants or what she is telling me. Most of the time. (Every so often there's a string of Chinese that is just Jia talking, but not about anything I can associate with something... and all I can do is smile, or nod my head, or shrug my shoulders and say I don't understand.)

And last night was another turning point. Jia and Kenzie were sitting in Roy's lap - and Jia was wanting to be read to.... from books! She hadn't shown any interest in books up to this point. Now I am thrilled! We consider reading to our kids extremely important - and her wanting to be read to and use books is a great turning point in her development. She must be understanding a lot more English to want to be read to. I love when these revelations happen.

Life is good. I'll leave it on that note and go back to bed. I think I can go back to sleep now. Just so excited that we're seeing some positive changes in both our daughters.