Thursday, September 03, 2009

Taking care of mother

I have been spending most of my time these last few days taking care of my mom.

Monday, I took her to an assisted living place here and let her stay to see if she liked it. She was having such a good time, I just left and told her I'd pick her up later. When I came to get her, it was difficult to get her out the door. Once we were out, and I had her in the car, she (in her typical fashion) started finding fault with the place, complaining that it was too cold and her shoulders hurt, and she didn't think she could stay somewhere like that.

I told her that that was what sweaters were for... I found out that they had given her a blanket to put around her shoulders, and still she complained... ugh!

The ride home was frustrating. She was saying she didn't want to give up her home, and that she was mad that she would have to sell her car and she was able to take care of herself. I got so frustrated, trying to point out that she is either overdosing herself on her meds or underdosing herself, that that alone will kill and I wanted her to enjoy the life she has without having to feel frustration and depression that she can't take care of herself properly right now.

We parted angry at each other. I called her friend, who was giving mom her meds for each day instead of us leaving them with her, and told her to bring all of mom's medicines back and let her take care of herself. Maybe it was risky - but I wanted to hammer home the point I had been trying to make - that she wasn't capable of doing the things she needed to be doing in order to remain healthy.

I called her a couple days later. My youngest brother had called mom stating he was in jail and needed her help to get bailed out. Mom hung up on him. Thankfully, she's not desperate enough to give him more money - he hasn't talked to her in over two years and now the only reason he called was to ask her for money. My husband and I made some inquiries and checked online to see if he had ever been arrested - and we found no information showing her had been arrested locally... perhaps he was arrested in another town or state. So, it appears he could have been scamming her. The last thing I'll do soon is go to the prosecutor's office to see if they can tell me anything. But I told mom what we found out at this point. She apologized and said to get her signed up for the assisted living. She admitted she can't do her medications and needed help. Thank GOD!!!!!!!!

I can't be there for her all the time - and neither can her neighbors. She needs to have minimum care, and to have people around 24/7 who will notice if she doesn't come out of her room, or are there right away to help her if she falls or has a physical problem. It's expensive, but far cheaper than a nursing home, and much more comfortable. They try to cook foods that people like, have activities that they will enjoy, and she has privacy when she wants it.

And, finally, she'll be closer, so it will be easier to help her.

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