Guardianship

Yesterday was the final guardianship hearing for my mother.

Richard, Bill, and Erica were there. As my lawyer, Roy, and I walked off the elevator, I saw Richard talking on his cell phone. I hadn't seen him since Dad's memorial... and my first impression was Jabba the Hut with really ugly designer glasses.

Richard must not be doing well, because he looked terrible.

Richard was angry that his lawyer wasn't there. Evidently, Richard tried to tell the judge that he was unaware of the very court date he was at, that he hadn't received any notice about the court date... what the???? He said his attorney told him to ask for a continuance. (That was what Bill had asked for at the first court date.) He also told the judge that his attorney had filed some kind of motion with the court.

The judge told Richard that he hadn't received any filings from the attorney and no notice that there would be any representation. Then the judge called Richard's lawyer, putting him on speaker phone, and talked with him about what kind of motion he had filed and why he wasn't at the court. The lawyer told the judge he didn't know about the court date, it was his impression that guardianship had already been conferred and they were going to sue for co-guardianship or at the very least request that they get a semi-annual accounting of mom's finances.

While the lawyer was on the phone, the judge said he was ready to rule and grant guardianship to me with no restrictions. Richard didn't understand what that meant, so the judge gave Richard time to go out into the hall outside the courtroom to call his lawyer and ask him what it meant.

When Richard came back, he said he agreed to the judge's ruling. So I am now mom's guardian, no restrictions.

The judge warned them that if they wished to sue for c0-guardianship, they needed to do so promptly... something the judge said three times to them.

We gave the court all kinds of documentation... a list of and copies of cash receipts, mileage log (beginning in September when mom was moved into Sterling house), an accounting of her checking account receipts and expenditures, a list of her assets and their value, and copies of mom's Mini Mental Status Exams she has taken over the last 2 years. Those copies also went to Richard and Bill.

When it was all over with, my lawyer, Roy and I were talking in the hallway about what happens when they sue for co-guardianship. She was explaining to me what to expect when Richard comes up and says, "You look great!" and "Give me a hug."

OMG. I had no idea what to say. Here is someone who in the last several emails was so vile to me that I just had to shake my head in disbelief - and now he was acting like everything was peachy. That is typical of Richard. Say anything you want to anyone who is in your way, and then everyone is supposed to just let it go and act like everything is fine. What, you only hate my guts in emails, but we can be lovey-dovey sibs outside of the ether world?

I won't go into what happened, but suffice it to say neither Richard nor I are going to change in our stances to each other. My attorney told me that she thought I was crazy for filing for guardianship when I had power of attorney - but when she saw what I was dealing with, she then understood why I took this step.

Catching up

I haven't blogged in awhile... I've been busy with preparations for the court date for my having filed for guardianship of mom.


The court date was December 1, and we were not expecting any problems at that time. But when we got there, my brother Bill (the youngest in the family) was there with his wife. Bill was dressed like a pimp... Grey patent leather shoes, pin-striped suit, and the pimp fedora. OHhhhhh, Yeahhhh!


The judge happened to be one that had had dealings with Bill previously (I believe he was the judge in the foreclosure proceedings against Bill - he'd lost his house back in 2007). Bill told the court that he'd just gotten hold of his lawyer that morning, and said his lawyer told Bill to ask for a continuance. The judge asked who his lawyer was and then tried to get hold of the lawyer to check on Bill's story, and only got an answering machine. (Sounds like a one man show to me.)


The judge asked if there was any reason to stop the proceedings at that point, but my lawyer asked that the witnesses be allowed to testify at that time. We started with our witnesses, and the minute one of them stated something Bill didn't like, he made an audible gasp as though he had just caught her in a lie (Oh, the drama of it all!) and the judge came down on him and told him that this was not an informal setting, and that he was to purport himself in a manner appropriate to the court proceedings.


This isn't one of the TV versions of small claims court. This was a genuine court proceeding and loud noises are out of order.



Each witness testified that I had been the one who was caring for mother all those years that she needed help. Bill questioned one witness about whether she remembered how Bill used to go to her house and mow her lawn and help her around the house. She said yes. I whispered to my lawyer that she should ask how much he charged to mow her lawn. She did, and the witness stated that mom had told her Bill was charging her $50 each time he did it. Yeah, he such a great son. Bill never did anything for mom without having a dollar sign attached to it.


Then I got up on the stand. I was asked several questions by my attorney... and then Bill asked some questions. He brought up the time when I filed for a protective order. Neither my lawyer nor the judge stopped the questioning, so I answered that yes, I had filed for a protective order against Richard. I explained why as well.... Richard's apparent instability, prior history, and that I had a child to protect against any possibility that he might try to harm me, and in doing so, would possibly harm my daughter.

I also told Bill that the date for either him or Richard to have said anything about either me or mom lying about what Richard had said, which lead up to my filing for the order of protection, was the court date back in 2006. They could have come then and plead their side of the case at that time. I hate to tell them, but the "Liar Liar Pants on Fire" charges at this time are not appropriate for these proceedings and have nothing to do with guardianship for mother.

Bill was given a chance to voice anything he wanted to after that. He yammered on for a while. The judge asked him if he had any objection to my being mom's guardian... to which he stuttered and talked incoherently, and then said, "I don't care. Make her guardian." I'm sure Richard would have had a hissy fit if he could have heard Bill say that.

Then he began to yammer on some more, rambling on about things that I was not given a chance to answer (and there was a logical explanation for everything he brought up) but I really didn't want to get into the He said/She said scenario - it would just show a lack of maturity. If my attorney or the judge want to ask about anything, I'll answer it. Otherwise, I'm staying out of the pettiness.

I will say I know in my gut it was Richard who told Bill to show up and contest it. I'm looking forward to the next court date. In the meantime, the judge granted me temporary guardianship. I'm busy preparing a six month listing of her income and expenses, so the judge can see I am capable of doing what it takes for the court's requirements. I'd also like to have an inventory of her property and its value ready for the judge by the next court date. Might as well get as much of that done as soon as possible.

Wish me luck. I honestly think I should be writing a book and trying to sell rights to the story for a TV movie. But usually, someone has to be killed or injured horribly in order to qualify for that... and I'm not wishing that on anyone. Especially not my daughters.

Bill's "visit" to mom

Nothing like filing for guardianship of your mother to bring the family "together". Evidently, my youngest brother, Bill, came to see mom last week.

The staff didn't know who he was until he came in and saw mom sitting with the group up front. He went to her and sat down and started talking to her - during the time that the group was having a discussion. I had gotten a call from the nurse and she told me he was there.... and I asked that they just not let him go back to her room or to let him take her out of the building.

Evidently, the manager of mom's facility stood near mom, rubbing her back for support, because mom appeared to be a little confused and upset. Bill was telling mom that he had been looking for her everywhere. Mom asked him how he found her, and Bill said that Richard told him.

Interesting, because the prior week, the lawyers told me that Bill had been the one to sign the return receipt for the court papers, but Richard had not. Maybe Richard finally signed - but the court papers say where mom is living, so Bill would have had the information all along.

He kept talking to mom while the group was having a discussion, telling her that he had changed his ways, that he had quit drinking and was going to church, expounding on his change to a better person. he was saying all this while the group was trying to have a talk. The events director asked that he move the conversation to the dining room so he wouldn't interrupt the group. Bill told mom she should show him her room. That's when the manager stepped in and said that he would not be going to her room, that he could keep the conversation and visit up front where she could observe.

They sat in the dining room and Bill began telling mom that I had filed for guardianship (which I had already told her earlier - not that she would remember) and that he wanted her to go to court with him. Bill doesn't understand that the lawyer I hired is actually representing mom. But Bill wanted her to go with him to fight the guardianship.

Mom began to get upset and said, "I'm so torn, I don't know what to do." Mom is incapable of handling any confrontation or situation anymore. She can't make decisions or handle much adversity in her life... and to treat her like this shows that Bill still doesn't understand what is happening with mom. The manager at this point took Bill aside and told him he shouldn't be talking about that to mom, that he was upsetting her and it had no place there. She told him that he can enjoy his visit with her, but he wasn't to talk about going to court and he wasn't to upset her.

Bill asked who was in charge, and the manager told him she was. He then asked her to help him get mom into court! He has a lot of chutzpah asking her to do that! Thank God the manager is a strong woman. She told him that she wasn't going to help him do anything, that she had no intentions of helping him get mom into court and that she was there to protect mom. He could keep the visits light and friendly or he would be escorted out, and if he refused to go, she would get backup. We all know what "backup" means... and I hope Bill understands it as well.

I had talked with the manager about the visit (and the above was related to me by her). She said he had on olive green pants and a tan shirt, and she said it looked like he had bought it and put it on right out of the package. At least he made an attempt to look nice when he went to see mom. She said he was large in the middle, looking sort of like an overweight Bruce Willis.

I find it amazing that after over 2.5 years of no contact with mom, he now has found religion and cleaned up his life. Tell me Bill, did you find religion before or after you called mom collect on August 28 from a local phone number that wouldn't have been long distance if you had just dialed from the person's residence, and mom basically told you if you were in trouble or in jail you could just bail yourself out because she wasn't giving you any more money? Or was it before or after you got notice I was filing for guardianship?

It all sounds so fishy to me.

Mom got the news and....

... it didn't seem to even register with her.

Yesterday, we went to the doctor's office and the doc told mom the news... the MRI shows moderate atrophying of her brain, and that she had alzheimer's. It didn't show any problems with the ventricles and there didn't appear to be any indication that she'd had any fluid on the brain at any time.

Mom replied, "So physically I'm okay?"

Doctor: "Yes, physically you seem to be in great shape. But as we age, our blood vessels in our bodies break down and become weak like the rest of the body, which can increase the possibility of stroke, so it's important that you be careful to keep your blood pressure low and to watch your diabetes. "

Mom: "So physically, I'm in great shape!"

It was clear it really wasn't sinking in at that moment.

On the other hand, we met with Richelle's teacher last night for a parent/teacher conference. When we walked in, Roy (with a big smirk on his face) said to her, "If at the end of this year you decide to retire, we'll understand." Mrs. G. laughed at this. I'm sure she's had tougher kids to work with than Richelle, but as we have learned, Richelle, at times, has her own idea of what she wants. Sometimes, she'll be given a task and she'll go off and do whatever she wants to do. She has trouble with talking too much and too loud... no surprise there. But for only being in the U.S. for a year and having learned what she has learned, Mrs. G. thought she was doing incredibly well. Richelle will have to learn how to adapt so she can get along in first grade. At least she's motivated to learn. She tells us she has to catch up to Kenzie.

Mom's diagnosis is official

I had gone back to the doctor to find out what the neurologist's report was on mom's MRI. Sadly, she has alzheimer's.

I found a website, Alzheimer's Association, and was able to read about how an MRI can determine if a patient has the disease. It showed how the brain atrophies and shrinks, and why it is believed to happen.

Early Alzheimer's can begin 20 years or more before diagnosis. Mild to moderate Alzheimer's lasts from approximately 2-10 years. Severe Alzheimer's might last from 1-5 years.

I will be going to the doctor with mom to have the doc break the news to mom and to find out if they can determine if mom's is early or mild to moderate.

Meanwhile, at the household, Kenzie has been sick. She's had a nasty fever, cough, and runny nose. The fever is down right now, and the school and I have the same philosophy - keep the kid out until she's been fever free for 24 hours. So, she's feeling much better today, but I need to make sure there's no spiking of her temperature. It has been going up and down as she fights off the bug.

Funny, when she was sick, she was fairly quiet and basically laid in bed watching tv. I can always tell when Kenzie is feeling better. She begins to whine.

Transient Ischemic Attacks?

Last Thursday morning, when I took mom her meds, I noticed a huge difference in her. She wasn't as aware, and had trouble eating. More to the point, she had trouble seeing what she was trying to eat. She'd dropped some scrambled eggs into her cereal bowl, and when trying to get it out of the bowl with her fork, she was banging the outside of the bowl with the fork. She couldn't figure out where the inside of the bowl was. She gave up on that, and tried to grab the egg with her fingers, but instead grabbed a pinch of cereal.

Then, as I walked her back to her room, she was having trouble walking, and even had to stop to catch her breath, even though she was walking very slowly.

I took her to the emergency room, and they ran a battery of tests on her (blood cultures, CAT scan, EKG) and it came back that she had a urinary tract infection. I also found out why she was on warfarin. She has an atrial fibrillation in her heartbeat, so they prescribe the blood thinner to keep her from having a heart attack due to that. (Funny no one ever told me before - not even her heart doctor.)

The emergency room doctor (can you believe his last name is Slaughter? - oh, yeah!) said that they also thought she'd had a Transient Ischemic Attack, which is a fancy way of saying that she probably suffered a loss of oxygen to the brain for a short period of time, what many of us call mini-strokes.

The staff gave me the name of a neurologist to follow up with - and would you believe that the first appointment for that doctor was 3 weeks from today? HUH? I told them to schedule me with whomever had the earliest appointment. I have no idea who that is, but I desperately need to get her checked out. It still only gets her into the neurologist for an MRI in two weeks. Hopefully, she can hold on till then and nothing more serious happens. She has been complaining that she is seeing double. She also can't even tell where the lock is on her door to her apartment, so she is having trouble locking it before she leaves.

I'm so scared of what is going on. My worry is that something is causing pressure on her brain in the area where sight is processed. We'll see....

Aaaahhhhh!

Finally got mom into the assisted living place. I feel a little relief that I don't have to worry how she is doing... now she's 5 minutes away and with people who should be able to help her immediately if she needs it.

So, now I can revel in the pictures I took over Labor Day weekend... we saw the kinfolk and had a great visit with Grandma Geri - although I ended up with bronchitis from the hotel's air conditioning by the end of the trip. Had to go to the emergency room by the time we got back home.

Oh, yeah! I recognize that face... we see that one a lot.

Wow - look at those eyes - they are piercing and intense. And she's only 5.

They look like they could have their own band.

Believe it or not, she's only singing the ABC song.

The kids spent more time trying to tie on their aprons than actually building anything.

Waiting for the train at a station in Des Plaines.

The Field Museum

Taking care of mother

I have been spending most of my time these last few days taking care of my mom.

Monday, I took her to an assisted living place here and let her stay to see if she liked it. She was having such a good time, I just left and told her I'd pick her up later. When I came to get her, it was difficult to get her out the door. Once we were out, and I had her in the car, she (in her typical fashion) started finding fault with the place, complaining that it was too cold and her shoulders hurt, and she didn't think she could stay somewhere like that.

I told her that that was what sweaters were for... I found out that they had given her a blanket to put around her shoulders, and still she complained... ugh!

The ride home was frustrating. She was saying she didn't want to give up her home, and that she was mad that she would have to sell her car and she was able to take care of herself. I got so frustrated, trying to point out that she is either overdosing herself on her meds or underdosing herself, that that alone will kill and I wanted her to enjoy the life she has without having to feel frustration and depression that she can't take care of herself properly right now.

We parted angry at each other. I called her friend, who was giving mom her meds for each day instead of us leaving them with her, and told her to bring all of mom's medicines back and let her take care of herself. Maybe it was risky - but I wanted to hammer home the point I had been trying to make - that she wasn't capable of doing the things she needed to be doing in order to remain healthy.

I called her a couple days later. My youngest brother had called mom stating he was in jail and needed her help to get bailed out. Mom hung up on him. Thankfully, she's not desperate enough to give him more money - he hasn't talked to her in over two years and now the only reason he called was to ask her for money. My husband and I made some inquiries and checked online to see if he had ever been arrested - and we found no information showing her had been arrested locally... perhaps he was arrested in another town or state. So, it appears he could have been scamming her. The last thing I'll do soon is go to the prosecutor's office to see if they can tell me anything. But I told mom what we found out at this point. She apologized and said to get her signed up for the assisted living. She admitted she can't do her medications and needed help. Thank GOD!!!!!!!!

I can't be there for her all the time - and neither can her neighbors. She needs to have minimum care, and to have people around 24/7 who will notice if she doesn't come out of her room, or are there right away to help her if she falls or has a physical problem. It's expensive, but far cheaper than a nursing home, and much more comfortable. They try to cook foods that people like, have activities that they will enjoy, and she has privacy when she wants it.

And, finally, she'll be closer, so it will be easier to help her.

So much to catch up on

There's a lot to talk about and a lot has happened.

First, let's talk about mom. She had fallen on April 30 and fractured her hip (I believe I talked about this before.... didn't I?) Anyway... she's been hearing and seeing things that just aren't possible. Like seeing a parade and asking my if I enjoyed it. When I asked what parade, she said, "Well, you were riding in the train!" All I can say is that it must have been some parade - and I'm sorry I missed it!

This kind of behavior has been going on for some time - and worsening over the last six months since we got home from adopting Jia last year. Now, last Thursday, in the middle of the night, she got up out of bed (a BIG no-no) and she fell. You can see the results below. Note, this is from the following Monday night... and I think she's darn lucky she didn't get hurt much worse.

We asked that the rehab center give her some kind of competency testing due to the decline I've seen in her for the last six months and her behaviors. She came back with a score of 17. I'm told that is highly impaired for competence. I don't know what the highest score is on the test... but even if it is 30, 17 is still pretty low. Previously, mom had scored a 28 and a 27 the other two times in the past 2 years she had taken it and was found to be competent. We'll do another test when it is time to think about either releasing her or having her become permanent in the nursing home.

Then last night was Jia's first dance lesson. She couldn't stop smiling the whole time... and guess what! She's pretty good.

She looks every inch the dancer! And she loves the duds!

Just try to wipe that smile off her face!

Last night was also Kenzie's Kindergarten celebration. The four kindergarten classes got up on a small stage and sang several songs - too cute for words, and I hope I can render some video to post on here soon. I couldn't keep from tearing up. Our little girl is growing up so fast Almost five years ago we traveled to China to adopt this precious little baby - and she's growing up into this incredible little girl. I'm choking up again, and people in the restaurant are beginning to stare. Let them.

Kenzie with her Kindergarten teacher. She is a great teacher for the kids. They love her. and you can see Kenzie is so happy to be with her.

C'mon, Daddy. I want to show you something!

Her writing folder from the year with some of her work.

I do believe Jia is anxious to start Kindergarten, too.

Happy Mother's Day!

The following was Kenzie's "secret surprise" for me. I have to admit - it brought tears to my eyes. Jia wanted to know if I was mad... she was a bit confused as to why I would cry. LOL! I'm wondering why she is equating crying with being mad....

The above translates to Shirts.

We later went to visit mom. Seems she is going through bouts of lucidity and la-la land. The nurses and aides there are keeping records (or are supposed to be) of what she says and her actions, and the social worker was going to give her a test to see if she is competent at this point... for some of the things she has said to me over the past week, I hope they can tell that she's having trouble differentiating between reality and her hallucinations?/dreams?/perceptions?. Poor thing... it's hard for anyone to watch any family member go through this... but I had some preparation when it happened to dad at the end. He swore that mom was trying to kill him - although she may have wanted to, considering how demanding he was during the years he was hindered with a stroke - I know she wouldn't have hurt him on purpose in any way...


God bless all the moms on Mother's Day and throughout the year.