Tuesday, November 03, 2009

Bill's "visit" to mom

Nothing like filing for guardianship of your mother to bring the family "together". Evidently, my youngest brother, Bill, came to see mom last week.

The staff didn't know who he was until he came in and saw mom sitting with the group up front. He went to her and sat down and started talking to her - during the time that the group was having a discussion. I had gotten a call from the nurse and she told me he was there.... and I asked that they just not let him go back to her room or to let him take her out of the building.

Evidently, the manager of mom's facility stood near mom, rubbing her back for support, because mom appeared to be a little confused and upset. Bill was telling mom that he had been looking for her everywhere. Mom asked him how he found her, and Bill said that Richard told him.

Interesting, because the prior week, the lawyers told me that Bill had been the one to sign the return receipt for the court papers, but Richard had not. Maybe Richard finally signed - but the court papers say where mom is living, so Bill would have had the information all along.

He kept talking to mom while the group was having a discussion, telling her that he had changed his ways, that he had quit drinking and was going to church, expounding on his change to a better person. he was saying all this while the group was trying to have a talk. The events director asked that he move the conversation to the dining room so he wouldn't interrupt the group. Bill told mom she should show him her room. That's when the manager stepped in and said that he would not be going to her room, that he could keep the conversation and visit up front where she could observe.

They sat in the dining room and Bill began telling mom that I had filed for guardianship (which I had already told her earlier - not that she would remember) and that he wanted her to go to court with him. Bill doesn't understand that the lawyer I hired is actually representing mom. But Bill wanted her to go with him to fight the guardianship.

Mom began to get upset and said, "I'm so torn, I don't know what to do." Mom is incapable of handling any confrontation or situation anymore. She can't make decisions or handle much adversity in her life... and to treat her like this shows that Bill still doesn't understand what is happening with mom. The manager at this point took Bill aside and told him he shouldn't be talking about that to mom, that he was upsetting her and it had no place there. She told him that he can enjoy his visit with her, but he wasn't to talk about going to court and he wasn't to upset her.

Bill asked who was in charge, and the manager told him she was. He then asked her to help him get mom into court! He has a lot of chutzpah asking her to do that! Thank God the manager is a strong woman. She told him that she wasn't going to help him do anything, that she had no intentions of helping him get mom into court and that she was there to protect mom. He could keep the visits light and friendly or he would be escorted out, and if he refused to go, she would get backup. We all know what "backup" means... and I hope Bill understands it as well.

I had talked with the manager about the visit (and the above was related to me by her). She said he had on olive green pants and a tan shirt, and she said it looked like he had bought it and put it on right out of the package. At least he made an attempt to look nice when he went to see mom. She said he was large in the middle, looking sort of like an overweight Bruce Willis.

I find it amazing that after over 2.5 years of no contact with mom, he now has found religion and cleaned up his life. Tell me Bill, did you find religion before or after you called mom collect on August 28 from a local phone number that wouldn't have been long distance if you had just dialed from the person's residence, and mom basically told you if you were in trouble or in jail you could just bail yourself out because she wasn't giving you any more money? Or was it before or after you got notice I was filing for guardianship?

It all sounds so fishy to me.

No comments: