Mom got the news and....

... it didn't seem to even register with her.

Yesterday, we went to the doctor's office and the doc told mom the news... the MRI shows moderate atrophying of her brain, and that she had alzheimer's. It didn't show any problems with the ventricles and there didn't appear to be any indication that she'd had any fluid on the brain at any time.

Mom replied, "So physically I'm okay?"

Doctor: "Yes, physically you seem to be in great shape. But as we age, our blood vessels in our bodies break down and become weak like the rest of the body, which can increase the possibility of stroke, so it's important that you be careful to keep your blood pressure low and to watch your diabetes. "

Mom: "So physically, I'm in great shape!"

It was clear it really wasn't sinking in at that moment.

On the other hand, we met with Richelle's teacher last night for a parent/teacher conference. When we walked in, Roy (with a big smirk on his face) said to her, "If at the end of this year you decide to retire, we'll understand." Mrs. G. laughed at this. I'm sure she's had tougher kids to work with than Richelle, but as we have learned, Richelle, at times, has her own idea of what she wants. Sometimes, she'll be given a task and she'll go off and do whatever she wants to do. She has trouble with talking too much and too loud... no surprise there. But for only being in the U.S. for a year and having learned what she has learned, Mrs. G. thought she was doing incredibly well. Richelle will have to learn how to adapt so she can get along in first grade. At least she's motivated to learn. She tells us she has to catch up to Kenzie.

Mom's diagnosis is official

I had gone back to the doctor to find out what the neurologist's report was on mom's MRI. Sadly, she has alzheimer's.

I found a website, Alzheimer's Association, and was able to read about how an MRI can determine if a patient has the disease. It showed how the brain atrophies and shrinks, and why it is believed to happen.

Early Alzheimer's can begin 20 years or more before diagnosis. Mild to moderate Alzheimer's lasts from approximately 2-10 years. Severe Alzheimer's might last from 1-5 years.

I will be going to the doctor with mom to have the doc break the news to mom and to find out if they can determine if mom's is early or mild to moderate.

Meanwhile, at the household, Kenzie has been sick. She's had a nasty fever, cough, and runny nose. The fever is down right now, and the school and I have the same philosophy - keep the kid out until she's been fever free for 24 hours. So, she's feeling much better today, but I need to make sure there's no spiking of her temperature. It has been going up and down as she fights off the bug.

Funny, when she was sick, she was fairly quiet and basically laid in bed watching tv. I can always tell when Kenzie is feeling better. She begins to whine.

Learning how to deal with mom...

Mom is declining in her mental capabilities... that has been talked about in previous posts... but I had no idea some of the things that she had been doing until I talked with some of the neighbors.

She had stood out at the end of her driveway waving some papers around asking people "Can you tell me what this is? I don't know what this is."

Our neighbor, who lives right across the street and has been our neighbor for around 45+ years, walked over to look at what was in her hand. It was dollar bills - 50's, 20's, etc... a wad of them. Mom couldn't tell that this was money or even how much each bill was worth. I've had something similar happen to me while with mom when we went out to eat prior to when she fractured her pelvis back in April. She pulled out a $50 bill and asked what it was. She was holding it upside down and looking at the back of it. I told her if she'd turn it right side up and turn it around so she was looking at the front of the bill, she could probably tell. Instead, she turned it around but kept it upside down and she still couldn't tell. So, I turned it right side up for her to see, but she still couldn't tell. She asked if it was a $5 bill. EEEEEEEKS! I could see someone not so very honest taking advantage of her. Perhaps this might explain why she would have thousands of dollars in her home and then not be able to find it... she could have had it in her purse and not know what she was looking at, thinking a $100 bill was a $1 bill.... and someone saw an opportunity. Who knows...

There was another time when a neighbor and her husband who lived down the street from mom (we've known them ever since we had lived on the street in our old neighborhood) took her to the store. Later that evening, mom called her next door neighbor Jeannette and told her that Dale (the husband) had kept her purse, because she couldn't find her purse. Jeannette called Melissa's house at 10 pm and told her what mom was saying - and Melissa told Jeannette that mom had her purse with her because she had to have it to get her keys out to get into the house. Jeannette went over to look for her purse, and found it on a kitchen chair where mom had left it.

I also have seen where mom will look for her purse, and it is sitting on top of the cabinets where she left it, but she will walk by it several times, not even seeing it. It's like it just doesn't register in her brain as to what she is looking at.

I'm sure there are more horror stories - and I'm not sure whether I want to hear them all or not... but maybe I should be recording them for a future time when I may need to have that documentation.

Mom also suffers from "Sundowner's" - which is what they call it when sometime late in the day,the elderly begin to become difficult, unreasonable, aggresive, and sometimes uncontrollable. With mom, she hates everyone and everything by that point in the day (it begins at 2-3 pm and builds over the day until by the evening, she's spoiling for a fight with someone). Nothing is good, everyone is out to do her in, no one is nice, and everyone is a bitch or a bastard and she's the victim of some evil plot. She wants to go home because she hates it at the assisted living place. However, mom's forgotten how she had told her friends and neighbors, crying, that she hated living in her house and she'd rather just die. I'm sure feelings about living alone in her house was revealed to her friends in the late afternoon or evening.

Mom never made any effort to get out and be with other people, other than her friend Phyllis or her friend and neighbor Jeannette. She has no hobbies (try to get her to do something and she'll find a million reasons why she can't or won't - she doesn't even give anything a try). She can't read anything any more - and she wasn't an avid reader to begin with, so it's not hard to make the leap from not reading much to not reading at all. I think part of this is that the words she reads on the page don't translate to her brain. She has no idea what the words are, she can't make sense of words... even though with her glasses on, she can tell you the letters she's seeing either close up or far away.

I talked with her doctor the other day (she is now seeing my doctor - who restored my faith in the medical profession due to her caring and intelligent way she handles my medical problems - she actually listens to what the patient is saying and doesn't pre-judge what is going on, and she pays attention to my many drug allergies). She prescribed something to help mom with her sundowner's - and hopefully this will help both the staff (who are great and very caring people) and me (when I have to come in the evening to make sure she's taking her medication at the proper time).

In the mornings, she's doing great - and can understand the reasoning behind why I have placed her where she is. She realizes that if she were to fall at home, or outside the house, or have an accident of some kind where she wasn't able to get to a phone or call out for help, she could lay there for days and no one would know. At least here, someone is going to see her and/or will come looking for her if she doesn't show up at certain times of the day.

I'm learning not to take the tirades in the evening seriously... to smile and say ok. To let her rant and put up a fuss, because tomorrow morning, she'll feel so grateful that I'm back and tell me her fears that she thought after what she did I'd never come again. It's like a little child. I have to tell her (just like I tell my girls) that no matter what, I love her and I will never just leave her or abandon her. She's my mom, and even though she is a little cranky at night (an understatement for her sake) I still love her and I know she still loves me. We're mother and daughter and we fuss with each other from time to time... but we do love each other.

I'll be glad to see her new tv get delivered on Saturday. That will help her a tremendous amount with the boredom in the evenings.

She has a heart that is healthy and strong again, due to her bypass surgery. Her blood pressure is amazing, and there doesn't seem to be any problems with her cholesterol or other body functions. So physically, if she doesn't have a major accident, she could live another 10-20 years. But her mind is going into a twilight that she may never recover from. I so dread that - mostly because her granddaughters don't get to have the Memaw they deserve to have.

My brother Richard

I think my brother highly under-estimates my intelligence.



I had been emailing him to inform him of mom's condition so he would be able to understand better her dementia problems. However, he has played the "Bill didn't tell me about his financial problems until long after they had happened... " tune in his emails, and quite frankly - I'm not buying it. It was before Bill had lost his home to foreclosure that Richard was trying to get mom to let Bill, his wife, and her four kids stay at mom's house. How ridiculous! Mom's home has around 950 sq ft - it has three bedrooms (one of which is an office and stores a hutch she used to have in the kitchen), one very small bath, a living room and a small eat-in kitchen. Great for a single person or a retired couple who don't want a large home to take care of... but to have 7 people cramped up in the home? That would be lunacy. So I know Richard knew of Bill's financial and legal troubles all during that time - Richard was trying to get mom to bail Bill out of jail and give him money and/or let Bill's family stay at her house - all before the foreclosure.



I didn't exactly write back and say, "Liar! Liar! Pants on fire!" - but I did let him know that I had been keeping a log of what had transpired for the last 8 years - dates, times, who did what, said what, and the outcomes. With that being said, his last email was basically a nice goodbye-I-won't-be-writing-to-you-again. Running scared?



There was so much Richard said in his emails that I knew wasn't true. In his first couple of emails, I was hoping he had actually done some soul searching and was willing to take some blame for what had torn us apart as a family. But I saw pretty quickly (by the third or fourth email) that he was still Richard... just that he has probably had some coaching on how to approach me and word things - but when he got a chance to latch onto something that he saw as wrong (mom changing her stories as to what happened in certain instances, which was a symptom of her dementia, and not outright lying, as Richard called it) he jumped on it with Richard-style flaming anger.



It felt like a gotcha moment.



The last email I sent, I told him that if there was ever a need to make a major decision about mom's care, I would call him and discuss it with him - because she is OUR mom. I have no clue where Bill is or how to contact him, so I was leaving that up to Richard. I won't exclude the brothers.



I really have to be cautious with all this - on one hand, I think Richard is trying to find something he can latch on to and use to hurt me. I just don't trust him. I don't think I'll ever trust him again.


*********



On a lighter note.... check out Jia stretching for gymnastics. The kid can do the splits already. We're amazed at how flexible she is...

So much to catch up on

There's a lot to talk about and a lot has happened.

First, let's talk about mom. She had fallen on April 30 and fractured her hip (I believe I talked about this before.... didn't I?) Anyway... she's been hearing and seeing things that just aren't possible. Like seeing a parade and asking my if I enjoyed it. When I asked what parade, she said, "Well, you were riding in the train!" All I can say is that it must have been some parade - and I'm sorry I missed it!

This kind of behavior has been going on for some time - and worsening over the last six months since we got home from adopting Jia last year. Now, last Thursday, in the middle of the night, she got up out of bed (a BIG no-no) and she fell. You can see the results below. Note, this is from the following Monday night... and I think she's darn lucky she didn't get hurt much worse.

We asked that the rehab center give her some kind of competency testing due to the decline I've seen in her for the last six months and her behaviors. She came back with a score of 17. I'm told that is highly impaired for competence. I don't know what the highest score is on the test... but even if it is 30, 17 is still pretty low. Previously, mom had scored a 28 and a 27 the other two times in the past 2 years she had taken it and was found to be competent. We'll do another test when it is time to think about either releasing her or having her become permanent in the nursing home.

Then last night was Jia's first dance lesson. She couldn't stop smiling the whole time... and guess what! She's pretty good.

She looks every inch the dancer! And she loves the duds!

Just try to wipe that smile off her face!

Last night was also Kenzie's Kindergarten celebration. The four kindergarten classes got up on a small stage and sang several songs - too cute for words, and I hope I can render some video to post on here soon. I couldn't keep from tearing up. Our little girl is growing up so fast Almost five years ago we traveled to China to adopt this precious little baby - and she's growing up into this incredible little girl. I'm choking up again, and people in the restaurant are beginning to stare. Let them.

Kenzie with her Kindergarten teacher. She is a great teacher for the kids. They love her. and you can see Kenzie is so happy to be with her.

C'mon, Daddy. I want to show you something!

Her writing folder from the year with some of her work.

I do believe Jia is anxious to start Kindergarten, too.

Happy Mother's Day!

The following was Kenzie's "secret surprise" for me. I have to admit - it brought tears to my eyes. Jia wanted to know if I was mad... she was a bit confused as to why I would cry. LOL! I'm wondering why she is equating crying with being mad....

The above translates to Shirts.

We later went to visit mom. Seems she is going through bouts of lucidity and la-la land. The nurses and aides there are keeping records (or are supposed to be) of what she says and her actions, and the social worker was going to give her a test to see if she is competent at this point... for some of the things she has said to me over the past week, I hope they can tell that she's having trouble differentiating between reality and her hallucinations?/dreams?/perceptions?. Poor thing... it's hard for anyone to watch any family member go through this... but I had some preparation when it happened to dad at the end. He swore that mom was trying to kill him - although she may have wanted to, considering how demanding he was during the years he was hindered with a stroke - I know she wouldn't have hurt him on purpose in any way...


God bless all the moms on Mother's Day and throughout the year.

I just want to hide somewhere

I don't feel like posting much - but sure wish I could hide in a hole for awhile.

Mom's going back in for surgery soon for a total shoulder replacement, the last one and hopefully it will make her life better. I wish she had done this four years ago when she first started having problems with her shoulders... but she was acting more like a little kid than an adult at that time. After letting the problem worsen with time, she finally came to the conclusion (when the pain got so great that she was in tears on a daily basis) that she needed to have the surgery. After the first shoulder was done, and she saw what a difference it made in her level of pain and her ability to do certain tasks, she was ready to jump in and get the other one done right away.

My brother Richard is finally calling mom again (after not having called her since Christmas day of 2007). On Christmas day, all he could do is tell her that it made him mad that she always took my side and not his. Now, does that sound like a mature, 49 year old man? Ummmm...... Nope. More like a 8 year old child. It's not a matter of mom taking sides. It's a matter of him acting like a jerk and treating mom badly when things don't go his way. And she isn't going to put up with it.

Now he's calling mom and is asking a thousand questions about Kenzie. I have forbidden mom to talk about her any more with him. My instincts have been dead on with my brothers since all this trouble started - and I'm never wrong about what is going on. Richard is fishing for something to hang on me. He's trying once again to get me into some kind of trouble. What he doesn't realize is that both he and Bill are just widening the gap between her and them. Anything that would hurt me would hurt Kenzie, and that is the last straw. If it goes any further with any other unsubstantiated allegations to any authorities, I get a really good bastard lawyer with a tough law firm and file charges. Defamation, harrassment, slander - whatever I can put in the suit.

There wasn't any referral this month - OBVIOUSLY - or I would have screamed it from the mountain tops. So now I feel like crawling into a little hole and just hibernating until the next round of referrals come. However, I really don't expect it to be coming in May. More like June (what a great birthday gift for me).

And with my job going to hourly and no more time off, any time I take off to help mom is time I don't get paid. However, I am there to help mom... and that is what I have to do.

Here's to hoping that things will look up once mom has the operation and can get back home from rehab.