Thursday, October 23, 2008

I've been tagged...

I'm supposed to tell 7 things about me. So.... here goes.

1. I played violin from the time I was about 11 years old until I got out of high school. I wasn't awful - probably pretty good - but it wasn't my passion in life. I really wished I'd kept up with it and learned instead how to fiddle (fiddlers have more fun).

2. My first passion in life was dancing. I always loved it and regret to this day I never got dance lessons in tap, ballet, and jazz. I wished my parents had given me dance lessons instead of violin lessons. To this day, I can't sit still when I hear a certain beat that makes you want to get up and boogie. (Sorry for the 70's lingo.)

3. For half of my adult life, I weighed 105 pounds. Yeah, I find it hard to believe now, too.

4. I used to swear like a sailor. Now I swear like a mother.

5. I based my decision to work in a job all my life upon the perceptions of my parents that I'd had when I was 5 years old. It was at that time that I began wondering what I'd do with my life when I got older. I looked at my mother, who was always unhappy and for whom nothing was good enough or right. Oh, she had her moments when she was happy with something, like when she got her way about something, but for the most part, she really resented being tied down with 2 kids and it wasn't her idea of what she wanted to be doing. (I still don't know what the heck she would have been doing if she hadn't been a wife and mother - she hated working.) My dad, on the other hand, was happy. He was happy most of the time (with few exceptions). Since he had a job and made money and got out of the house (and wasn't tied down to the kids all day long), and mom stayed home with us and seemed to be pretty unhappy - I decided that I wanted to work in a job or have a career instead of being a mom. Unfortunately, no one knew that the problem with my mother was that she was clinically depressed and needed medication. Maybe if they'd had the depression meds back then that they'd had today, she would have been happier and I would have been more open to being a mother from the very beginning. As it was, my decision to have a career instead of kids led to almost 30 years of feeling empty and missing something in life that was important to my being a woman. And that was being a mother. I now can't believe that as a 5 year old, I made a decision that deprived me of so much joy in life... Fortunately, God stepped in and changed all that.

6. I had always doubted my ability to be a good mother. When my youngest brother started living with a woman who'd had a child by another man (Bill knew she was pregnant by another man when he first moved in with her - which brings up a myriad of things I'd like to say but won't here), I began to make time to spend with the child. At some point, when she was about 11 -12 months old, I began keeping her overnight, and the bond between us grew very strong. I used to bring her up to my parents' house (who the child called Papaw and Mamaw) to visit with them - they adored her. It was at one of these visits that my father said, "You would have made a wonderful mother." I can't tell you what that did for me. Between falling in love with that little girl and my father recognizing and confirming that my actions were of a loving mother, I knew firmly at that point that I had missed out on the most important thing a woman can do with her life.

7. I am 52 years old and I don't dye my hair. No need to. My hair is my natural color - and so far no white or gray in it. I don't expect that to last very long after we adopt our second daughter, though... So, which is better? L'Oreal or Ms. Clairol?

OK, now I'm supposed to tag some people... Oh, my - I'm such a recluse. Here goes...

Dawnn at The Many Faces Of Madison

Sarah at COMING AROUND AGAIN...

Sharon at Journey to MaryAlice

Gina (Caleeo) at Olivia, Opinions and Occasions

Karyn at Emily and Olivia Updates

Super Mommy at Me and My Two Chicadees

Steve and Jen at Our Journey To Adopt Grace

Now, if you've already been tagged, just ignore me. I'm used to it. LOL!

1 comment:

sarah said...

I actually gave this a shot (I don't do it often)!!
;-)
I liked reading yours. Honestly, I doubted my ability to be a mom too. . . we have some similarities there.
I am still impressed with number 7!! I've got wild curly hair but it started greying, even if I'm blonde, when I was in my late twenties!!!