this morning, we will meet with Susan, who is the director of Adoption Services at the Civil Affairs Bureau. She will be bringing Jia's passport and a photo album of her during the procedures at the Civil Affairs Bureau. We don't have her birth certificate, and that worries me. I hope we also get that - we'll need it if we are to register her in Indiana.
Lynn will be bringing the notary paperwork also. We meet in 2 hours in the hotel lobby.
Later this afternoon, we fly to Guangzhou. I hope Jia won't break down in tears again when Lynn says goodbye... but I have a feeling she's going to cry... and who could blame her. This is all she's ever known, and the people she loved all her short little life are no longer going to be there for her.
On the up side, Jia is perfectly capable of putting on her shoes and socks. Instead, she wanted me to do it. Afterwards, I got a huge hug. Bless her.
Showing posts with label Harbin. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Harbin. Show all posts
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Our first bout of greiving
Today, we went to the Aquarium to see the fish and then to a really nice restaurant. Roy and Deb decided to walk down China Street (a big shopping area) and then take a taxi home. Jia had fallen asleep in the van, and it was snowing (small, wet snow) so I decided it would be best to just have the kids go back to the hotel.
Once back, we woke Jia and Lynn went upstairs with us. I asked her to explain to Jia what was going to happen tomorrow so she would have time to digest it. Lynn told her we would fly to Guangzhou and then on to America to her home with her baba, mama, and jie jie. She asked if she understood and she nodded yes.
At some point, Jia was looking at me with tears in her eyes. Lynn asked her what was wrong, and she said she wanted a tea drink I had taken from her... found out it wasn't just strong tea but rather a tea drink - not heavy on the caffeine. So I got her a small bottle we had left over and poured some into it and then had Lynn tell her we would save the rest of the drink for her for later.
Lynn watched our adoption video of Kenzie, and then got a call from the notary so she had to leave. She said goodbye to Jia and told her she'd see her tomorrow. When I turned around and went to sit down on the bed, I noticed Jia had huge tears in her eyes. She looked at me like she had lost her way, lost her everything, and was scared. She began to cry quietly... literally choking back her sobs and trying not to cry out loud. I opened my arms to her and said "Dou Mama zhi lai." (Come to mama.) At first she shook her head no... then came to me and put her back to me and raised her arms for me to pick her up.
I put her on my lap, and began to stroke her hair and cheek as she cried and tried to keep from crying loudly. I told her "Wo zhi de. Wo ai ni." She would turn to look at me as if to say, "How could you do this to me? What will happen to me now?" I ached for her so much... feeling her little body shake with each sob and hearing her whimper and then choke down each sob while wiping away her tears with a tissue. I cried, too, and she watched as Kenzie took a tissue and wiped away my tears - and then I would take a tissue and wipe Jia's tears for her. hb` Her heart was breaking... I wanted so much to reassure her that all would be okay.
She allowed me to hold her and rock her, and then to hold her like a baby for awhile. Then she wanted to get down. I asked if she wanted tv, she shook her head no. Then I asked if she wanted to watch the computer, and she shook her head yes. I showed her more video of Kenzie - videos with music. Her attitude changed a little.
Then she had to go pee (niao), and when we got back, we got out some snacks. She began to be her old self again. She began to ask questions about baba - and I figured she was asking where he was. But she was laughing as we teased and played with each other. She got past it... and it was as if she began to accept it a little. I have a feeling that she will have another little bout with the tears when we say goodbye to Lynn.
Lynn has been a wonderful, sweet young woman. I don't know what we would have done without her help with both Kenzie and Jia. I know Jia won't be the only one to miss her.
Here are some pics from today - before she was told what her fate was to be.
Once back, we woke Jia and Lynn went upstairs with us. I asked her to explain to Jia what was going to happen tomorrow so she would have time to digest it. Lynn told her we would fly to Guangzhou and then on to America to her home with her baba, mama, and jie jie. She asked if she understood and she nodded yes.
At some point, Jia was looking at me with tears in her eyes. Lynn asked her what was wrong, and she said she wanted a tea drink I had taken from her... found out it wasn't just strong tea but rather a tea drink - not heavy on the caffeine. So I got her a small bottle we had left over and poured some into it and then had Lynn tell her we would save the rest of the drink for her for later.
Lynn watched our adoption video of Kenzie, and then got a call from the notary so she had to leave. She said goodbye to Jia and told her she'd see her tomorrow. When I turned around and went to sit down on the bed, I noticed Jia had huge tears in her eyes. She looked at me like she had lost her way, lost her everything, and was scared. She began to cry quietly... literally choking back her sobs and trying not to cry out loud. I opened my arms to her and said "Dou Mama zhi lai." (Come to mama.) At first she shook her head no... then came to me and put her back to me and raised her arms for me to pick her up.
I put her on my lap, and began to stroke her hair and cheek as she cried and tried to keep from crying loudly. I told her "Wo zhi de. Wo ai ni." She would turn to look at me as if to say, "How could you do this to me? What will happen to me now?" I ached for her so much... feeling her little body shake with each sob and hearing her whimper and then choke down each sob while wiping away her tears with a tissue. I cried, too, and she watched as Kenzie took a tissue and wiped away my tears - and then I would take a tissue and wipe Jia's tears for her. hb` Her heart was breaking... I wanted so much to reassure her that all would be okay.
She allowed me to hold her and rock her, and then to hold her like a baby for awhile. Then she wanted to get down. I asked if she wanted tv, she shook her head no. Then I asked if she wanted to watch the computer, and she shook her head yes. I showed her more video of Kenzie - videos with music. Her attitude changed a little.
Then she had to go pee (niao), and when we got back, we got out some snacks. She began to be her old self again. She began to ask questions about baba - and I figured she was asking where he was. But she was laughing as we teased and played with each other. She got past it... and it was as if she began to accept it a little. I have a feeling that she will have another little bout with the tears when we say goodbye to Lynn.
Lynn has been a wonderful, sweet young woman. I don't know what we would have done without her help with both Kenzie and Jia. I know Jia won't be the only one to miss her.
Here are some pics from today - before she was told what her fate was to be.
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Dicsipline
Last night we had our first lesson in how to behave. Jia was in Deb's room, just basically tearing everything up. Roy kept telling her no in Chinese, but she was ignoring everything he said and every effort to pull her away from the destruction she was causing.
That's when he walked her into our room (crying and throwing a fit) and closed the connecting door to Deb's room. He made it clear she wasn't going to go back in and that he wasn't happy with her behavior. She cried and jumped up and down and was saying something. I went over and put my arms around her, then picked her up and held her as she cried. We waited for about a minute, then Roy gestured and asked if she wanted to go back into Deb's room (Deb's room had cartoons and Kenzie - and Jia didn't want to be away from either). Jia nodded her head. Then Roy and I demonstrated what we did not want her to do. She nodded again, saying "Wo bu dong le" (I think that was what she was saying).
We opened the door and let her in and the difference was night and day.
Then we got ready to go to eat. Once we were at the elevators, she began acting up again - really bad this time. We told her no and made gestures to try to get our point across, but she was once again ignoring us. Roy picked her up and we took her back to the room and I went with him, Again crying, she said the same thing again, which I am interpreting as "I won't be bad." When we left the room again, she was different... better behaved, holding my hand and not screaming or jumping or pushing every button in sight on the elevator.
At the restaurant, she was well behaved, with only a couple of testing phases. But overall, she was being good. She was giving me hugs and a kiss, and when one of the waitresses was trying to get her to come over to her, Jia shook her head no. Last night was progress.
At the end of the evening, just before we went to bed, I showed her four of the Youtube videos I had on. One being the adoption video of Kenzie. She sat still on my lap and was mesmerized by it all... and she recognized her jie jie as a baby, plus baba and mama. At the end she thanked me for letting her see it. It was very touching.
We had noticed that she didn't act up around the orphanage people - in fact, she was quite subdued. But we have to stop the wildness now or she'll not understand by the time we get back home why we are punishing her. Today is more sightseeing and we will have to work on her behavior consistently. But she really has it in her to behave and you can tell she wants to be part of the family.
I was proud of Roy, because he's never been the disciplinarian with Kenzie. But this time, he came through like the Baba I knew he could be. He wasn't mean, just firm. And I know she'll feel more secure if we set limits and don't allow her to run wild with her behavior.
And we are so proud of her - she understands very well what we are doing and that we love her. We both think she's an amazing child.
Everyone is right - I'll have my hands full and then some - esepcially when Roy goes back to work.
That's when he walked her into our room (crying and throwing a fit) and closed the connecting door to Deb's room. He made it clear she wasn't going to go back in and that he wasn't happy with her behavior. She cried and jumped up and down and was saying something. I went over and put my arms around her, then picked her up and held her as she cried. We waited for about a minute, then Roy gestured and asked if she wanted to go back into Deb's room (Deb's room had cartoons and Kenzie - and Jia didn't want to be away from either). Jia nodded her head. Then Roy and I demonstrated what we did not want her to do. She nodded again, saying "Wo bu dong le" (I think that was what she was saying).
We opened the door and let her in and the difference was night and day.
Then we got ready to go to eat. Once we were at the elevators, she began acting up again - really bad this time. We told her no and made gestures to try to get our point across, but she was once again ignoring us. Roy picked her up and we took her back to the room and I went with him, Again crying, she said the same thing again, which I am interpreting as "I won't be bad." When we left the room again, she was different... better behaved, holding my hand and not screaming or jumping or pushing every button in sight on the elevator.
At the restaurant, she was well behaved, with only a couple of testing phases. But overall, she was being good. She was giving me hugs and a kiss, and when one of the waitresses was trying to get her to come over to her, Jia shook her head no. Last night was progress.
At the end of the evening, just before we went to bed, I showed her four of the Youtube videos I had on. One being the adoption video of Kenzie. She sat still on my lap and was mesmerized by it all... and she recognized her jie jie as a baby, plus baba and mama. At the end she thanked me for letting her see it. It was very touching.
We had noticed that she didn't act up around the orphanage people - in fact, she was quite subdued. But we have to stop the wildness now or she'll not understand by the time we get back home why we are punishing her. Today is more sightseeing and we will have to work on her behavior consistently. But she really has it in her to behave and you can tell she wants to be part of the family.
I was proud of Roy, because he's never been the disciplinarian with Kenzie. But this time, he came through like the Baba I knew he could be. He wasn't mean, just firm. And I know she'll feel more secure if we set limits and don't allow her to run wild with her behavior.
And we are so proud of her - she understands very well what we are doing and that we love her. We both think she's an amazing child.
Everyone is right - I'll have my hands full and then some - esepcially when Roy goes back to work.
More about Jia
Well,, it's day three and we've been to Tiger Park and an Orthodox Russian church (now just a museum type area). We had the girls feed pigeons in the square, which was a treat. The tigers were unbelievalbly huge... some of their heads were up as high as the windows of the van.
We are finding that Jia is generous. She will share her stuff. We had bought her some blocks. She gave Kenzie some to play with. When Kenzie came to take one more, Jia didn't want her to take any more and jumped up and down and cried. I told Kenzie that she had enough blocks to play with and shouldn't have taken any more. In fact, Jia had given her most of the blocks. Jia settled down and I played with her a little with the blocks. But once she was done, she took the rest of the blocks and gave them to Kenzie to play with. However, we are finding out that she does not like to be told no... and she is stubborn - very stubborn. We are thinking that she is actually younger than her given age... that or her emotional development is on par with a young 4 year old, not a child almost five. I sometimes can't tell if the things we are seeing is a result of the children being raised or treated different in China, or if it's a product of orphanage living, or if it is a developmental issue due to her age given being incorrect. However, we are sure that we'll not start her in Kindergarten next year in the fall. I think an extra year out of school would be good for her, and so does Roy.
Jia is very vocal. She chatters constantly. Most of it we can't understand at all... and she is pretty loud when she talks. I have a feeling that in the orphanage, the loudest got the attention. And Jia is LOUD! But when she's tired, she quiets down a bit.
She loves to brush her teeth, to wash her hands, she's learned to wipe herself when she goes to the bathroom, she loves to sing, and is the biggest tease. I know I've said that last one, but it's worth repeating. There's a lot of testing behavior... doing things she knows she's not supposed to, but looking at me for a reaction when she does. If it's not harmful, I have been ignoring it. But when she's tried things that she shouldn't, I gather her in my arms and hold her for a few moments and then allow her to go back to playing.
She picks up on how to do things fast. She didn't know how to button buttons together. I showed her one time and she can do it now. First time we went to a restaurant, she was banging every utensil, plate,and chopstick she could find. I would take them away and put them far from her so she couldn't do that - returning only what she needed when it was time to eat. The next time we went to a restaurant, she began to bang and I said, "Give to Mama." She smiled and gave me everything but her plate. The next time, she just started to give me her utensils and extra stuff.
Our guide, Lynn, asked her if she loved her mama, baba, and jie jie. She said yes. Then Lynn asked which one she liked the best... she said she loved her jie jie best. That's good. Not so sure that the feeling is completely reciprocated at this point... but it will be as time goes on.
We are finding that Jia is generous. She will share her stuff. We had bought her some blocks. She gave Kenzie some to play with. When Kenzie came to take one more, Jia didn't want her to take any more and jumped up and down and cried. I told Kenzie that she had enough blocks to play with and shouldn't have taken any more. In fact, Jia had given her most of the blocks. Jia settled down and I played with her a little with the blocks. But once she was done, she took the rest of the blocks and gave them to Kenzie to play with. However, we are finding out that she does not like to be told no... and she is stubborn - very stubborn. We are thinking that she is actually younger than her given age... that or her emotional development is on par with a young 4 year old, not a child almost five. I sometimes can't tell if the things we are seeing is a result of the children being raised or treated different in China, or if it's a product of orphanage living, or if it is a developmental issue due to her age given being incorrect. However, we are sure that we'll not start her in Kindergarten next year in the fall. I think an extra year out of school would be good for her, and so does Roy.
Jia is very vocal. She chatters constantly. Most of it we can't understand at all... and she is pretty loud when she talks. I have a feeling that in the orphanage, the loudest got the attention. And Jia is LOUD! But when she's tired, she quiets down a bit.
She loves to brush her teeth, to wash her hands, she's learned to wipe herself when she goes to the bathroom, she loves to sing, and is the biggest tease. I know I've said that last one, but it's worth repeating. There's a lot of testing behavior... doing things she knows she's not supposed to, but looking at me for a reaction when she does. If it's not harmful, I have been ignoring it. But when she's tried things that she shouldn't, I gather her in my arms and hold her for a few moments and then allow her to go back to playing.
She picks up on how to do things fast. She didn't know how to button buttons together. I showed her one time and she can do it now. First time we went to a restaurant, she was banging every utensil, plate,and chopstick she could find. I would take them away and put them far from her so she couldn't do that - returning only what she needed when it was time to eat. The next time we went to a restaurant, she began to bang and I said, "Give to Mama." She smiled and gave me everything but her plate. The next time, she just started to give me her utensils and extra stuff.
Our guide, Lynn, asked her if she loved her mama, baba, and jie jie. She said yes. Then Lynn asked which one she liked the best... she said she loved her jie jie best. That's good. Not so sure that the feeling is completely reciprocated at this point... but it will be as time goes on.
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