Our first bout of greiving

Today, we went to the Aquarium to see the fish and then to a really nice restaurant. Roy and Deb decided to walk down China Street (a big shopping area) and then take a taxi home. Jia had fallen asleep in the van, and it was snowing (small, wet snow) so I decided it would be best to just have the kids go back to the hotel.

Once back, we woke Jia and Lynn went upstairs with us. I asked her to explain to Jia what was going to happen tomorrow so she would have time to digest it. Lynn told her we would fly to Guangzhou and then on to America to her home with her baba, mama, and jie jie. She asked if she understood and she nodded yes.

At some point, Jia was looking at me with tears in her eyes. Lynn asked her what was wrong, and she said she wanted a tea drink I had taken from her... found out it wasn't just strong tea but rather a tea drink - not heavy on the caffeine. So I got her a small bottle we had left over and poured some into it and then had Lynn tell her we would save the rest of the drink for her for later.

Lynn watched our adoption video of Kenzie, and then got a call from the notary so she had to leave. She said goodbye to Jia and told her she'd see her tomorrow. When I turned around and went to sit down on the bed, I noticed Jia had huge tears in her eyes. She looked at me like she had lost her way, lost her everything, and was scared. She began to cry quietly... literally choking back her sobs and trying not to cry out loud. I opened my arms to her and said "Dou Mama zhi lai." (Come to mama.) At first she shook her head no... then came to me and put her back to me and raised her arms for me to pick her up.

I put her on my lap, and began to stroke her hair and cheek as she cried and tried to keep from crying loudly. I told her "Wo zhi de. Wo ai ni." She would turn to look at me as if to say, "How could you do this to me? What will happen to me now?" I ached for her so much... feeling her little body shake with each sob and hearing her whimper and then choke down each sob while wiping away her tears with a tissue. I cried, too, and she watched as Kenzie took a tissue and wiped away my tears - and then I would take a tissue and wipe Jia's tears for her. hb` Her heart was breaking... I wanted so much to reassure her that all would be okay.

She allowed me to hold her and rock her, and then to hold her like a baby for awhile. Then she wanted to get down. I asked if she wanted tv, she shook her head no. Then I asked if she wanted to watch the computer, and she shook her head yes. I showed her more video of Kenzie - videos with music. Her attitude changed a little.

Then she had to go pee (niao), and when we got back, we got out some snacks. She began to be her old self again. She began to ask questions about baba - and I figured she was asking where he was. But she was laughing as we teased and played with each other. She got past it... and it was as if she began to accept it a little. I have a feeling that she will have another little bout with the tears when we say goodbye to Lynn.

Lynn has been a wonderful, sweet young woman. I don't know what we would have done without her help with both Kenzie and Jia. I know Jia won't be the only one to miss her.





Here are some pics from today - before she was told what her fate was to be.