After talking with the IA doc and another doctor who is a friend, we all agree that this child is truly a special needs child. What her special need is, we are not quite sure. The orphanage did have an MRI of her done, but they sent us files that were illegible for the radiologist to read.
At first when I saw the videos of her, I was struck by how adorable she was, her laughter and impish sense of humor. But when I was able to settle down and really look at the videos, I saw a child with some kind of problem (I won't go into what I saw specifically, but it was obvious to a mother who knows how a 3.5 y/o is supposed to be at that age). And my very suspicions were confirmed by the IA doc and the other doctor who ran some of the info I sent him by his colleagues.
She is special needs. She has a family out there somewhere, it just isn't us. She needs to be represented properly by the CCAA, and the right family will take her file and be so happy they did. I pray that she'll be able to find her forever family - and I'm sure that whoever takes her will be happy with her... she's a very happy little girl. But for us, we couldn't accept her because there is a problem that would be obvious the minute we went into the medical exam.
We'll ask our agency what our options are. We think we should be able to ask for another child... and we'd be happy to take an older child of up to 4 years old.
At this point, I feel both relief and closure. There were too many questions, and the orphanage did some things for us, but then didn't follow through with executing some requests and giving us the kind of files that would give us complete information on the child. I could list all the things wrong with this referral, but I won't dwell on it anymore.
Forgive me if I sound a bit cold - I don't mean to. We've had this hanging over our heads for a month now, and I feel I can finally exhale and relax. I'm not sweating whether we get another referral, but at least this one is decided.