There is a huge issue on Rumor Queen over which is better – waiting to adopt from
I have some friends who, over 4 years ago, took in two children (same mom, different daddies) and are STILL trying to adopt them. They have done this 3 times prior, and each time they have done this, it has taken them about 3-4 years per child - the last two are difficult because, although the mother was forced by the courts to sign away her parental rights, she is not divulging who the fathers are. Now the parents have to go through a long, drawn out process to try and find them. Eventually, the courts will probably terminate the fathers' rights (because no one has stepped forward to claim paternity) and then they'll be able to proceed with the adoptions.
One thing that I think universally appeals to most parents with China adoption is that you know pretty much what to expect, and once you adopted, you wouldn't one year later have a bio parent or court demanding you return the child back to the parents in China. It sounds harsh, but that is very appealing to people who want to parent a child and don't want to have a disruption of that adoption by outside sources. (When I say "outside source", I am referring to other than the nuclear family established through the adoption process. I do NOT intend to imply that the bio parents of child(ren) in question are somehow not important.) I wish we could have access to the Chinese parents' information - I do believe that our Chinese daughters deserve that at the very least. And if things were different in China (no one child policy, better economic conditions) we wouldn't even be having this debate about IA adoption. There would be no need for international adoption from China.
Back to domestic adoption:
Back to domestic adoption:
I have heard horror stories from social workers about how long the process takes, and then years later, the child is taken from the foster parents and given to the bio mom. Or the children are bounced back and forth from bio parents to foster parents because the bio parents can't keep their noses clean, so to speak.
Why is the foster-to-adopt system so much better than waiting for a referral from
If some social worker is telling you that it won’t take that long to adopt through the foster-to-adopt system – S/he is lying. Wait and see. Perhaps it’s because someone is willing believe anything they are told, or they are hopeful that that is the case, rather than take the time to do their homework and understand the reality of the situation.
I know we all have differing opinions about what type of adoption is best. But to be honest, none of them are perfect solutions to the problem of finding good parents for needy children. And when I read posts on Yahoo groups or on the Rumor Queen site, it sounds like many of us are feeling like WE are the needy ones. Think how much more needy the children are when they don't have parents, or they have bad parents.
******** ON ANOTHER NOTE:
For those who feel their agencies are misleading them... perhaps you may want to go back over what has been said, what was in your contract, and review their website. It could be the communication problem isn't with the agency, but in what you are thinking in your own head as to what the process will be. The agency may have said they are hopeful the process will speed up - which in my opinion is still in bad form - but you instead "heard" that it WILL speed up. I am glad we have our agency - they have never lied about anything - on their site, they said that they fully expect the time from LID to referral to continue to increase and ask that families be prepared for such.
During our wait, I pretty much stayed away from Rumor Queen because watching how many days that were referred was incredibly painful to see. Only when it appeared that we were getting close did I dare come back to Rumor Queen’s site. Otherwise, her site was depressing for me. I did what I had to in order to get through the wait.
I feel lousy, but that may have been a blessing for the child. I hope that she can be properly diagnosed and put up for adoption again. Two of the three possibilities would have been okay with us, the last one was going to put her in a category of needing major medical care that we would not be able to help with. We’re asking for another referral, but we’re not hopeful about it. I really don’t expect we’ll be getting another. We are good parents. But that doesn’t guarantee us anything.
NOTHING in IA is for sure. NOTHING. I read the bitterness in some posts (Rumor Queen) that
Honestly, how does that solve the problem? I consider it a hell for the children who have to stay in an orphanage.
I applaud the CCAA and
OH hell, we signed up for our second adoption when the wait time was 6 months. Then, by the time we were LID, it was 8-9 months. And month by month, we watched as it went longer and longer and longer - and we knew right then and there, that we were in for the wait of a lifetime.
If your agency is telling you there are increasing wait times, they are not lying to you. You signed up for the adoption process - no one held a gun to your head. YOU made the decision. And now you want to blame someone else for your lack of common sense that the term "increasing wait times" means you're not going to get the child in 1 year or less.
Give me a break.
Whatever path one chooses to go when it comes to adoption - I am 100% behind you. I believe that adoption is one of the best and most loving ways to create a family. I don't care so much about where or when one adopts - as long as it is legal and ethical. And it takes a great deal of maturity to handle it.
I am not behind anyone who chooses a path and then starts down this "poor little me I'm not getting what I want fast enough" road. That sounds like a spoiled brat - and IMO - that kind of person isn't going to be a very good parent, because everything is couched in terms of what they want and not what is right for the child. And the kvetching about how everything outside of yourself is causing you pain or how all these other issues are the reason you feel bitter is nothing more than a veiled temper tantrum - think of a five year old and how, when she gets mad and things don't go her way, she jumps up and down and cries and shouts to try to change the situation, when, if you're a good mommy, you don't back down when this starts... (I have experienced that.... yes, even Kenzie has her moments...)
Enough of the ramblings.