Saturday, August 19, 2006

Food for thought...

I have added a couple of links to the sidebar that I think would benefit anyone adopting internationally. As an adoptive parent, I can only try to imagine what my daughter might feel one day - but I am not the adoptee, and I cannot experience her feelings or ever really know her thoughts.

I have added a link to Twice the Rice because she has some very insightful thoughts on what it is to be a transracial adoptee. I caution you, sometimes it is a very biting and critical assessment of what it means to be adopted and taken from one's homeland and birth parents. It is also quite critical of the terms bandied about by those of us who have adopted from China... and I have to say, I've been guilty and naive about some of these things when I began the adoption process and even afterward. Ji-in (the blogger) was adopted from Korea, and was able to find and meet her birth parents, which is different than adoption from China. But what she has to say is no less valid, even when considering the differences.

I do not want anyone to go there and then blast her for what she says. If you don't like it at first, perhaps you should examine your own reasons for and abilities to handle international adoption. Like anything that gives me an uncomfortable feeling (whether talk radio or a blog) if it is important or pertinent to my life, I give the person a minimum of 6 weeks of my time to make up my mind if what they are saying is worth hearing and something that will help me in my life. I suggest others do the same; what she has to say may one day be relevant to our situations as well. This is her experience. She isn't vulgar, but her blog does have an edge to it. I have found her to be intelligent and perceptive, allowing readers a different view of terms we use in the adoption community and the feelings/perceptions of someone who has experience from an adoptee's point of view. And it is a perspective I need to respect, if I am to respect my daughter's own feelings about her adoption. I guarantee you, if you are adopting or have already adopted a child from another country, there will be issues, and you had better prepare yourself for it.

The other blog I like is Harlow's Monkey. She is also a Korean adoptee. Her take is also intelligent and perceptive, but does not carry the bite that Twice the Rice presents. A lighter version, but her opinions and feelings are extremely valid in their own right. Again, each woman has her own style, but the message is much the same.

I must say that China adoption carries with it some added complications. It appears that most Korean adoptees are able to find and even reunite with birth parents. Our daughters from China may never get that chance, unless there is a change in China's policies, or we get extremely lucky after reading the police report and find a clue, or find someone who may recognize or remember who the parents were/are. But the stigma and fear in China right now with regard to the Chinese parents having a child that was either "over quota", or not the right sex, or born with a medical condition that the parents' couldn't take care of.... may forever bar our daughters from making that connection.

I hope someday our Chinese adopted daughers and sons will be able to make those connections to their biological roots, and to get the answers to the questions that will definitely be in their hearts and minds.

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