Friday, March 27, 2009

I want spring! Change my attitude, dude!

I am sooooooooooo not into the early spring weather where it turns warm, turns cold, turns warm, turns cold.... make up your mind, Mother Nature!!!!! I'm tired of the old weather.

It's just one of those days. The kids goofed off this morning and wouldn't do what they needed to WHEN they needed to so I could get both off to school in a fairly decent time. I, of course, became Drill Sargeant Mommy: "Do it! Do it! Do it!" (Think of the sargeant in the Gomer Pyle sitcom.... yeah, not a pretty picture.)

Kenzie is getting tired of Jia wanting to copy her every move. I keep trying to explain to Kenzie that Jia idolizes everything she is doing - and wants to be like her. She is looking to Kenzie to show her what is okay and not.

To complicate matters, Jia has been told not to goof off in a certain dining room chair. They are unstable if you arent' sitting still (easy to make one fall over) and I don't know if she just keeps forgetting or thinks it funny to make it go all wobbly and mommy's-punishments-be-damned-I'll-do-what-I-want-to.... She's been admonished three times in less than 24 hours over her antics. So she's not too happy with me right now, either...

I thank God that these days aren't the usual - but when we have them - I just hate the feeling it leaves me with. I need to just let it go and let the kids learn somehow that their bad behavior has its own consequences. However, too many tardies for Kenzie and it's Roy and I who will be called into the principal's office.

Thankfully, I've learned a lesson from a prior day when we had one of these difficult days. I had been angry with the kids (for a lot of the same reasons) and didn't hug or kiss Kenzie when I dropped her off at school. I cried the whole morning feeling bad, thinking that if something happened to her, she wouldn't know just how much I loved her. Her last thoughts would be something like "Mommy doesn't love me" or "Mommy hates me." But nothing could have been further from the truth. When I picked her up that day, I held her so close and let her know how sorry I was for how the morning went.

I just know that usually, these mornings are not going to be a big deal in the long run... but I'll be glad when they are older and more mature and can at least keep to a task (more or less) - and then I'll be back to square one when they become full-fledged teenagers.


cabbagemintor said...

Most accidents happen in the home. So if an article is really dangerous, you can remove it from the room or ban her from using it until she acts properly. There can be no compromise in learning how to be safe around electrics, stairs etc. Children do love to challenge you. They will pour a whole glass of water onto the table, or dump out a whole box of q-tips and look you straight in the eye to see your reaction. In those circumstances, you can just give them a big, loving smile, and ask them to help you clean up together. They have to know that THEY are more important than a tidy room. "Copy cat, copy cat" was what the girls used to scream at each other. I suppose each child craves their own individuality and space, and resent even the sincerest form of flattery. With Jia, there is the added complication that Keznie's examples are really an essential part of her integration into the family. And Kenzie can't be expected to know the significance of her own role in this totally. Try looking at a copy of a painting together, and the whole family work to reproduce it, thus turning "copycat" actions into a virtue. Explain to Kenzie that after Jia finds her own footing, she will have her own style. Show her tapes or pictures of foreign countries with people doing things in different ways; and tell her Jia is from one such foreign land and she needs Jie Jie's help more than other children. Allow her to feel upset and say that you will go nuts too if somebody mirror your every move. As for morning regimentation, ask Kenzie to be responsible for the alarm clock, and getting Jia up. Put up a check list for them to comply with, timed to the minute (use an egg timer if necessary.) And yes, you do feel like the worst mom in the world after telling your children off. My sister used to say that she felt sooooo guilty for shouting at them. Kiss and make up like you did usually do the trick. Many a time had I myself apologize for being a total idiot with "peace offerings."

mncfi said...

Our little one (adopted at 3 years) is such a copy cat too - she mimics everything her 5 year old brother does - to the point of driving him crazy. For he,r I think it's a survival strategy. She was thrown into this whole new thing called "family", and her instinct was to "do as the locals do". I can see it happening. When we go somewhere new, or someone arrives to visit, her little head will turn staright to Joey. Then she models her response on his.
While it's kind of cute, he is getting sick of it after almost 12 months. And I was starting to wonder when she would be a bit more genuine and express her own feelings (not his!) I'm grateful he's at school this year, so she is getting a chance to decide how she feels on her own. She misses him lots, but I think she needs the time to be herself.
~ Fi

fuzzandfuzzlet said...

We went trough a phase where it was really hard to get my DD to school on time. I put it right back on the school. "She would not put on her shoes and that is why she is late, let her know what her consequence is"

I agree that safety rules can not be ignored. I have been known to make kids stand and eat their dinner when not using a chair in a safe manner.

Children do test, children that are not used to being parented more than a typical child. Hang in there, it does get better.