Sunday, March 22, 2009

More questions from my 6 year old

The other night, after Jia went to sleep, Kenzie had some burning questions on her mind.

K: Mommy, how do you get rid of a baby?
Me: (with eyes popping out of my head) Do what?!?
K: How do you get rid of a baby?
Me: (hazarding a guess here...) Do you mean how do you birth a baby?
K: Yeah! How do you get it out of here? (Pointing at my abdomen)
Me: You know what, Kenzie? I think it's time we went to the library and found some books that show how a baby grows inside a woman's womb and how it is born. That would help you
understand.

K: OK! (Excited)


Then...



K: Mommy, why didn't you have a baby?

Me: I just never found the right man to have children with until I met your father. I never wanted to have a child with someone I knew wouldn't be good to my kids, and I wasn't willing to settle for just any guy. But when I met your father, I knew he'd be a great daddy - he's patient and kind and gentle. But we never talked about having children before we married, and when we did get married, he said he didn't want to have kids. I think he thought he wouldn't make a very good daddy - I don't think he had much confidence in himself. But you have a great daddy, honey. He's one of the best.

So, if you ever think you want to marry a man, be sure to talk about kids - when you'll have them, how many you want - be sure you agree on these things, because it's important to your happiness. And be sure the man you marry wants you to stay home with your children to take care of them. Your kids will need you more than any job ever will.

You know what, Kenzie? I wouldn't have changed one moment of my life - because we ended up with you and Jia - and we love you more than you'll ever know. We got two sweet and smart little girls who mean everything to us. We're the lucky ones.

A couple moments of silence while she hugs my arm and giggles. Then....

K: Mommy, how do you break up with a man?
Me: Are you planning on breaking up with someone?
K: NO! Just... how do you break up with a man?

Well, I went on about meeting him in a neutral place so she could feel safe, and that she needed to be honest - just come out and say that the relationship wasn't working out as she expected and that she thought it would be best for each of them to part ways, that there are no hard feelings toward them, just that what you want out of a relationship isn't working in this one. Then leave the restaurant first by yourself (don't let him follow you out to your car). And also, don't answer his phone calls if he calls you.

K: Why wouldn't I answer his phone calls?
Me: You don't want to lead him on... you don't want a man to think that there is still something between you and you don't want to hurt his feelings any more than you may have already done.
(Let me just say that I'll touch on stalkers when she's older.... I'm just trying to help her break up with a man at this point...)

K: How do you break up with a man when you're married? (Now I am assuming she means she's married to a man and wants to break up the marriage.... not sure where all these questions are coming from...)
Me: Well, that's done with a divorce. But let me say one thing, Kenzie. Unless you are married to a man who beats you or your kids, or a man who does drugs or alcohol, or is wreckless with your money, you owe it to your children to try to make the marriage work... which means both you and your husband need to get help to work out the problems. But if he's not a good man, then you need to leave to protect yourself and any kids you have.
K: What's a divorce?
Me: It's a legal procedure where one or both people ask the courts to dissolve the marriage. To dissolve a marriage is to break it or make it no more. At least one or both couples show up in front of a judge and he says 'You get this' and 'He will get that' and the judge will determine who gets custody of the kids and what kind of visitation the other parent can have with the children, and then he grants the divorce so the man and woman aren't married anymore.

Another moment of silence.... then:

K: How does a pirate get a "P" on his arm?

Did anyone watch Pirates of the Carribean? That should explain that question...

3 comments:

cabbagemintor said...

Are we seeing the next Connie Chung or something? I know you have always talked with her since she was little, and I can't count how many times I had been amazed by her strength of personality, indepedence of thought, range of her ideas, and sense of curiosity. And I think she loves those moments because you are giving her undiluted attention and physical closeness. As Jia is still trying to figure out the language, deep philosophical discussion is something Kenzie can still have a monopoply on. I hope Jia will be like Kenzie and learn from her in this and other aspects. Children these days do seem to have so much more worries and awareness than the older generations. I know it is a more or less a futile battle, but letting them enjoy an innocent, shielded, and unique time of their lives is still very desirable. Maybe we can strive to strike a better balance. I remember my eldest niece (aged 5)told me that one of her school mate's parents were getting a divorce. My niece became very upset, especially when she heard that the dad just walked out one fine morning. Kenzie is picking up a lot from tv, school etc. You have to put your thinking cap on all the time just to keep up with her.

KCMommy2Twins said...

Ahhhhh.. these brought tears to my eyes! How sweet :-) You MUST be a Dr. Laura lover like me! HA!!!!

Julie said...

KCMommy2twins: Dr. Laura is a hero to me.

Unfortunately, our local radio station stopped carrying her show - which is so frustrating, heartbreaking, and and just plain sucky. Needless to say, I don't listen to that station at all anymore.