Xin Nian Kaui Le!

Our local FCC group had their Chinese New Year party for all our girls (and boys) adopted from China and Vietnam. Here are some pics of Kenzie and Jia. Been trying to get a video completed, but something's wrong with my Pinnacle Studio.... AAAAUUUUGH! I'm so frustrated right now.

I am so happy that both the girls love being Chinese and love the silk dresses. Jia wants to wear hers all the time... a little cold for that, though.

And yes, I put makeup on them. C'mon - it's once a year and they had a blast. They truly felt like little girls and loved being "all dressed up".

Pictures

Jia has been afraid of climbing to the top of the "grapevine" - but this time she did it (with help from Kenzie) and she was so proud of herself. So was Mama. It really doesn't look very easy




Like any baby, Jia goes to sleep every time we are in a vehicle and travel for more than 10 minutes.

Motivation

Jia has informed me last Friday that she wants a computer like her Jie Jie.

Um.... Okaaaay.

I explained to her that a few things needed to happen before she could get one.

First, she had to be older. She not only had to grow up taller, but also not throw fits or take her frustrations out on things. (Such as last night... she broke some kind of glass? acrylic? plastic? figurine because Kenzie was using a hairbrush she wanted to use.) She also had to be able to do what was asked of her and to stop saying no to us as if it was a game. If we tell her to get ready for bed, then she needs to go upstairs and get changed for bed, not say NO and then do something else. Also, she had to stop throwing tantrums - crying every time she didn't get her way. I told her if she needed help, to come to mommy or daddy and we'd help show her a better way to express herself. And finally, I told her she needs to be able to speak more English, like mommy and daddy, so she could tell us what she needed to, and we could understand what she needed better. She was probably learning one or two new words every three to four days at this point.

Every day now, she holds her hand up above her head as if measuring herself, and says "Grow up, computer!" And she is wanting to name things now, learning the words for what is around her.

She's working toward her goal.

Funny thing, originally, I used to understand most of what she said. Now, when I can't understand it, Kenzie will pipe up and say, "OH, she's saying she blah blah blah." Miss Smarty Pants. I guess since she plays with Jia all the time, she gets used to what she is saying faster than I do.

And as I dropped off Jia today at pre-school, she says "Mommy, I go 'chool. You go home."

So good to know I make a difference in her life. LOL!

Two steps forward, five steps back...

Yesterday wasn't one of our better days.

First, there was no school for Kenzie. She had mixed emotions about that. She loves school and she loves staying home with mom. So which was she going to whine about? Still trying to figure that out.

Then, I had to go to the Social Security office to apply for Jia's social security number. The last time I was there, I was told the only other thing I needed was her Certificate of Citizenship. So, with that in hand, I go back and what does the clerk say this time? "You need to have her Indiana birth certificate before we can process her social security number."

I blew a gasket at that point. Doesn't anybody in government know what the $&%@ they are doing anymore? No one understands the rules, and they certainly don't understand how long it takes to go through the process of getting the Indiana delayed birth certificate for a child adopted internationally. AAAAUUUUUGGGHH! We need to do our taxes.

Four and a half years ago, when we got Kenzie's SSN, this wasn't a big issue. They took what we had and got us her number.

The man to whom my WRATH was directed said he'd go talk to his supervisor. Which is exactly when Jia decided to break out with all holy hell...

She decided that it was time to touch everything she could, try to run off with stuff that she had no idea what she was taking, and throwing Kenzie's coat on the floor over and over and over again while Kenzie is telling her to stop.

I picked her up and sat her down, to which she SCREAMED and slid down off the chair. So I picked her up again and put her on the chair... over and over again until I finally picked up her feet and laid her down across the chairs so she couldn't slide off. She screamed bloody murder the whole time. I never raised my voice, and simply told her "Jia, you need to calm down. Calm down, Jia. You want down? (nodding with screaming) You need to calm down. Mommy needs to talk with you."

I finally leaned down to her ear and whispered "Do you want to get done here and go eat?" She stopped screaming and brought it down to a whimper. She then began to calm down. I again whispered to her, "You cannot throw Kenzie's or anybody else's coat on the floor. You must not touch anything here except the toys we brought in. You can play with either toy we have. Are you ready to get down now?"

Nodding... no screaming. No more whimpering. Quiet.

I stood up and helped her get her boots back on (she had kicked them off in the fit she had thrown. Then she got up and behaved a little better. All I was going for was some sense of control so she wouldn't tear up everything.

I don't know what people thought of me, Jia, or the whole scenario. I'm sure some were horrified at her behavior, and others horrified at mine. I kept expecting to see the police pull up and enter the building because someone complained that I was abusing her. The other half of me wanted to apologize to everyone for the whole scene. I'm pretty sure everyone was thinking "Glad it's HER and not ME!"

Whatever.

I keep wondering what the hell am I doing wrong? I wonder if the austerity of the office reminded her of the orphanage.... and she reverted to what may have been her typical behavior she had displayed when living in the orphanage. Out of control.

How do I help this child learn how to regulate her emotions and actions? I am so ill equipped in this area. Roy and I knew that we wouldn't get as lucky as we did with Kenzie... Kenzie is easy going, and easy to discipline. Jia - totally out of control. She just doesn't seem to "get it". I can't let her run around destroying everything in her sight with the idea that "she just doesn't understand." She is a really smart kid. Really smart. But she wants to do what she wants to do and she doesn't want anyone to tell her NO. We can see she has a good heart... she wants to be a good little sister, and she loves us and wants to help wherever she can. She will out of the blue hug us and say "I love you" and generally be affectionate. And we have our good times... teasing and laughing and tickling and the gentle touches (me to her, her to me). So it's not all bad.

But the short bouts in-between when she is out of control takes so much energy. And yesterday left my right hand with a pinched nerve or tendon - something got twisted and now all I have to do is move the wrong way and I'm in pain.

Anyone with any book suggestions that can help here - or any suggestions from the BTDT crowd - feel free to jump in and tell me what I'm doing wrong. I just don't know anymore. I always thought I was a decent mother... NOT perfect, NOT exceptional - just good enough that I could at least make sure the kids made it through the day without killing each other. And perhaps we'd have peace MOST of the day. I am hoping that yesterday was just one of those days and it doesn't happen again. But if it does.... I am begging for insight.

Jia's first day of pre-school

Roy thought it would be a good idea for Jia to go to a pre-school, for many reasons.

First, she wouldn't be cooped up with me all day. Even going to a fun place like the children's museum or the library would still be "mom" related activites.

Second, I wouldn't be cooped up with Jia all day. OH, YEAH.... a little space is good for both of us.

Third, she was in a pre-school in China, so she probably was wanting to continue that.

Fourth, it would give her a chance to interact with other children about her age and it would probably help facilitate her learning English.

And last of all - and we found this out just yesterday - she WANTS to go to school.

I was holding her beside me at the table and asked if she wanted to go to school. She gave me this wide-eyed incredulous look as she shook her head yes. I told her she was going to go to school tomorrow. I then said (to put it in a perspective she understood) "Go to sleep, 'CHOOL!"

That's all Jia talked about every time she started a conversation. Before she'd ask for a drink, say she was hungry, or talk about coloring or watching a video, she'd say "Go to sleep, 'CHOOL!" just to confirm her understanding.

So today, she could hardly wait. It made her angry when we had to wait awhile before dropping off Kenzie at her school - the roads were nothing but ice under snow, and the school bus was stopped on top of a steep hill. I think there had been a car that slid sideways in the road and they had to remove it. Finally we got Kenzie dropped off and to her school.

We walked into the church where the pre-school is located, and she took off her coat - and before I could even get her to her class room, she was waving good-bye to me! Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm not sure how to take that.

But she dove right in and was excited to be there. I had paperwork to fill out while there, and she kept saying, "Bye Bye Mommy!" So after filling out what I needed to and giving her a kiss, I left.

I went to a deli & coffee place that had free wifi. Aaaaaaahhhhh... uninterrupted computer time and a cup of coffee. Seems I've been missing a little free time to myself.

When I came back, she looked disappointed. YikeS!!!! But I got her going and we went to pick up Kenzie. All she could do was say "I like 'chool mommy!" and "Go to sleep, go to sleep, 'CHOOL!" (The school meets Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.)

I think we're both going to be happy in the long run.

Thanks to Jill for suggesting this pre-school. It is probably going to be a good thing for everyone involved.

The weekend - sneeky mama and having fun

Well, first I'll start out with Sneeky Mama.

You know, with Kenzie, veggies were never an issue. She ate them. I remember when we first adopted her, I'd go to a McDonald's and order a salad, and she'd eat the salad I had bought. She loved veggies.

Not Jia. If it isn't starch or meat, she won't touch it hardly. We got her to eat steamed cauliflower once - she dipped it into spaghetti sauce. But that's been it.

So, I decided to get sneeky with veggies. I cooked a large carrot (chopped into very small squares) in water in a small pan until it was almost mush. Jia happens to love Cream of Chicken soup by Campbell's, so I made that as well. Once the carrots were soft enough, I took them out of the water that was left and mashed them up really well. I added the water to the soup can and added enough water to make the soup. Then once the soup was mixed so it wasn't lumpy, I added the carrots. Yes... the carrots were bright orange in the soup - but Jia didn't notice anything funny... thank goodness! I also added some baked chicken and some rice to her bowl of soup - and she gobbled up two bowls of it.

I did basically the same thing to spaghetti sauce she uses for spaghetti and her chicken. Next, I'll do mashed peas. When you got a kid that hates veggies - you gotta be a sneaky mama to get the good stuff down them.

Having fun? Well, January 1st, we always travel to a mall that we like and go shopping. Of all the years I didn't have any money - and the bargains were huge - I could kick myself. But we took the kids to a little play area they had for the little ones. LOL! Kenzie was sitting in a small space ship that barely held her - and Jia decided to get in beside her.... as you can see, Kenzie wasn't so happy about it. Jia was oblivious to it all... or maybe she thought it was funny that Jie-jie was whining about having no room to sit... No matter what, you can see Kenzie wasn't all that happy with the situation, as you can see...




Here's where some people might say we're bad parents... Roy and I laughed at these pics and the situation. Kenzie has been such a princess all her short little life, she can't imagine that the world doesn't revolve around her wishes and whims... Jia is a wake-up call, and Roy and I have both agreed that she is going to give Kenzie a perspective on life that she otherwise wouldn't have had if she had been an only child.

Yesterday, we went to an IU women's basketball game. I gotta say - the women play really well and are exceptionally entertaining. IU really should be proud of their women's team. The shame is that not very many people attend these games - and more people should. The women could use the support and they play their hearts out - they play to win. They have an exceptional coach, too. Yesterday they played Iowa, and beat them handily. I don't know if Iowa is a mediocre team or if IU is an exceptional one, but I dearly love the games and Kenzie does, too. Yesterday was Jia's first IU game, and she was getting into it. I wish I'd had video of her shaking her poms and cheering the team on! She mimicked everything I did, including holding her fist up in the air when they'd make a basket. She's mama's girl.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009!

Looking forward to celebrating the lunar new year later in January. The year of the Ox!

We went to bed early. Every New Year's day we take a short road trip to go shopping and have lunch at a restaurant we like. No reason to break tradition just because we adopted Jia.

Personally, I think she'll like it. We'll end up getting ice cream at some point, and then she'll be happy as any little kid can be.

What a great day!

First, I want to say congratulations to John and Lisa for their new referral! Their long- awaited referral for their daughter Lucy came today - and it looks like Anna is going to be a big sis after all!

Lucy is just precious! You can see Lisa's blog HERE.

Next, Jia got her first dental exam. When Kenzie went, all she wanted to do was sit in that chair and have the dentist examine her teeth. We made her appointment for today, but had to try to find a way to explain to her that we weren't going to have the dentist look at her teeth right away. We got a calendar later that day, and told her it was hers. I circled the date that Kenzie had had her appointment on, then the date she would be having her dental appointment on. I showed her how many days had to pass before she got her appointment.

That didn't quite work... so I explained how many nights we had to go to sleep before we woke up and went to the dentist. That did the trick. She could recite "Go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep .... DENTIST!" We left one "go to sleep" off every day, until by the 3rd day before the appointment, she could figure it out for herself. She did a great job. They tried to do an xray of her full mouth, but she is so short that they couldn't get a good xray. What they saw was that there appeared to be four teeth buds missing for her permanent teeth. For what her age is supposed to be, they should be developed by now. In 6 months when we return, we'll have them do this again to see if they can make some determination of her actual age - if she really is five, or is she younger.


Then (for a treat) I took them to a local park. The weather was very warm today for the time of year. Normally, we'd see temps in the 30's to 20's... but today must have been about 50 degrees. The kids were incredibly excited to be able to play outside. I found out Jia can swing herself once she gets going. But for a kid that seems to be unafraid of a lot of things, she was petrified of some big stepping stones that were on the playground. This is where Kenzie became Super Sister to the rescue! She helped Jia walking across the stones... I wouldn't exactly say Jia overcame the fear, but she was more assured as Kenzie held her hand and helped her go from stone to stone. And the kids were loving the outdoors. I can't wait for spring and nice weather. I want them to get out every nice day we can. Here are pics from the day.

Shhhhh! Santa just left...

Santa just finished her wrapping and eating her carrots and cookies. Oh, and drinking a little milk. And yes, it's 3:30 in the morning. And I bet Santa will have to drive to Grandma's house tomorrow, too, all bleary eyed and dragging her behind...

I can't wait to see how Jia reacts to "Santa". Before bedtime last night, Kenzie came down to check on which stocking was hers.... and Jia came down later and said something in Chinese pointing at the stockings (sounded a little like "Nega wo de?"). I told her that the one on the far end was hers. And she said "OK" and went to bed. I'm not sure she knows what this is all about or who Santa is... but perhaps she's getting caught up in Kenzie's excitement.

Tomorrow will be a priceless memory.

Merry Christmas!

I want to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas. It is truly a blessed time of the year - and we are so blessed to have our children to share this time with.

Children are God's greatest gift to all of us. Children stand for hope, love, joy, promise.... God knows that we needed this in our lives. For me, life means nothing if it doesn't have a purpose outside of one's own desires. And our children help keep us grounded in what is dear and sweet about life. Children keep things real, down to earth, and in the now.


After being parents, Roy and I look at each other and wonder how we survived together without our girls.

Good News

We got a call today from Riley Hospital - they wanted to pass along the good news.

Jia is as healthy a child as they come. All her tests came back normal. Normal... that is an outstanding word when it comes to a child's health.

This is the best Christmas present one can have. That, and a hug and kiss from your kids who thank you (for whatever...) and then tell you they love you.

That - and to just have Jia talk to me in a soft voice when she has her mouth up next to my ear. (AAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH! That hurt!) Of course, she said "I'm sorry, mommy." Sweatheart. Can't be mad about it.

Got some pics of the kids at a Children's Museum - that was a great day! They had a blast. We'll be spending a lot more time there.

Visit to Riley

It's late - and we were a loooooong time at Riley Hospital having Jia checked out. We are having some blood work done, and they did an xray of her back to see if she possibly had any curvature of her spine. I never noticed it. Of course, it's hard to see the reasons why the doctor was concerned when you have a whirlwind living in your home and doesn't stand still at any time for anyone to actually notice it. But when Jia was actually standing still for her, I could see why there was some concern... Funny, when it came time to go to get her x-ray, she went willingly with the technician, and the technician told me that she did really well, even held still for her when she asked her to.

The one thing that the doctor was impressed with was her receptive language and the amount of words (even sentences) that Jia was speaking after having been with us for 5 weeks. She has been learning her ABC's from a little toy computer that had been purchased by Roy's cousin Elaine last year in September when we visited his family in the Chicago area. One of the games asks the child to find a letter, with a picture of the letter they are supposed to find on the screen. Jia can find them all after playing with it for a few minutes over about 4 days. And she is beginning to learn some letters by sight and can name them.

It was an interesting (and trying) day for the kids... OH - yeah, Kenzie just had to go, too. I know she thought that Jia was going to get some kind of special treatment or special time with Mama... and she didn't want to be left out. Of course, before we even got to Indianapolis, she was saying, "Are we there yet? I'm bored!" Well, duh - what did mom and dad tell you before we left....????

One other interesting thing - when they poked Jia with the needle to draw blood, the only thing she did was draw her breath in for a fraction of a second. Then she just watched. I'm floored. I think this is probably a result of the orphanage training the kids not to make a big deal of falling down or getting hurt - or perhaps they just don't make a big fuss about the kids falling down when they are young, so they never learn to recognize that when you hurt or have pain, you're supposed to cry out so it alerts others that you need help. You know what that's like. An infant will fall and then look at his/her mother or father to see how s/he is supposed to react to it. If the mom makes a big deal of it, the baby cries. If the mom ignores it, the baby will, too. That's assuming that there's no broken bones or anything that would make any normal person cry out in pain.

One last thing - they found that she had lots of ear wax (the dry, crusty type) on her ear drum. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow to ask him to clean out her ears. That may have a lot to do with Jia's loudness.

Oh well... I can't wait to get the results from today's visit. She seems so healthy.

Late night musings - I can't sleep

I guess older child adoption isn't for everyone... but I'm so glad we did this!!!

There are so many people out there who are searching for a way to make their lives mean something - who want to be remembered for something. Unfortunately, we have people who want to do it in an evil way - killing people, or destroying institutions or property, or cheating people out of millions (or billions) of dollars for personal gain. Then you have people who have no hope, who believe their lives mean nothing and that they will never matter to anyone - so they are petty criminals, living only for themselves. Or they don't believe that any of their actions will have consequences that could reach any further than themselves, and in being such, they have no compunction in taking the life of another, just because they think they have been wronged in some manner, or want something that they don't have.

You know, we can't all be a Jonas Salk or Marie Curie or Alexander Fleming... people who through their work were able to influence and change millions of lives for the better. They are the rare ones.

I'll settle for the difference I can make in just three lives, to start with. Roy, Kenzie and Jia. I may never matter to any one else I meet in my life, but I have purpose and meaning because I am important to them. And they are the world to me.

We are but small spiders on webs, each of us. And the strands of our webs, as they branch out and touch whatever they are attached to are influenced by what happens to us, but we also influence the things we are attached to by our walking on our webs. No matter where we are or who we are in contact with, we all influence each other, even in what may at first appear to be small ways, but sometimes, that small influence will become a huge difference to someone. The more I am a mother, the more I know how interconnected we all are.

You know, there are times I just want to cry when people ask if my daughters are blood siblings. If people realized how such a small percentage of DNA separate us all from each other - even separating one race from another - they might not put so much importance on blood relations anymore. If we all go back far enough - we're all related in some way.

Jia is beginning to tone down the yelling - and that is helping a lot. And last night, Kenzie and Jia were playing like best friends together. It was such a blessing to see them laughing and rolling around on the bed playing and just being little girls having a good time with each other. And once we were in bed, Jia said something to me in Chinese... and I just knew it was "Face me mommy." I turned to her and she immediately put her arm around my neck and pulled my face right up to hers, and she pursed her lips for a kiss, then said "I lub you." Then she curled up next to my body and told me (using Chinese and showing me) that her forehead itched... LOL! I began stroking her forehead and hair with my fingers, and she fell right into a deep sleep. What an awesome little girl. She reminds me so much of Kenzie when she was two or three. But still, she's different. And the trust and love she is showing us is so precious.

Funny, I don't understand most of what she is saying in Chinese, but somehow, I can figure out what is going on or what she wants or what she is telling me. Most of the time. (Every so often there's a string of Chinese that is just Jia talking, but not about anything I can associate with something... and all I can do is smile, or nod my head, or shrug my shoulders and say I don't understand.)

And last night was another turning point. Jia and Kenzie were sitting in Roy's lap - and Jia was wanting to be read to.... from books! She hadn't shown any interest in books up to this point. Now I am thrilled! We consider reading to our kids extremely important - and her wanting to be read to and use books is a great turning point in her development. She must be understanding a lot more English to want to be read to. I love when these revelations happen.

Life is good. I'll leave it on that note and go back to bed. I think I can go back to sleep now. Just so excited that we're seeing some positive changes in both our daughters.

What is she saying?

OK folks, here's a Youtube video of Jia saying the Ni Mao Wo. In the mornings, it's accompanied by lots of crying and a little fit thrown in for good measure. Here, she's not quite so adamant - but she pulls out the whiney little girl in her to sound like she's really sad. There's so much manipulation in this child - and I don't think I can blame her - it's probably what she had to do at the orphanage just to get attention. Doesn't work too well around me... which is probably why she's so frustrated. Well - if anyone can tell me what she is saying - I would appreciate it! And if you have appropriate responses for it, please let me know the pinyin saying and what it means so I can tell her something.

Jia's loudness...

A very good friend had read my previous post and suggested that Jia might have a hearing problem because of her volume level. That might have crossed my mind, except she can hear me when I talk softly. At least, I think she can.



I attributed her loudness to a combination of behavior she learned in the orphanage and her natural exhuberance. She is a real treat to deal with - and I have many times considered wearing ear plugs to help with the headaches I get at the end of the day. Yes, the loudness can be earsplitting sometimes... but at least it's not 100% of the time.

We have an appointment set up at Riley Hospital and I want them to run a huge battery of tests so we can determine what, if anything, is going on... and perhaps they will have suggestions about things we can be doing to help her. She also says (every single day) something every morning. I have no idea what it means. It is something to the effect of "San ni mao wo", or Song ni mao wo" - I can't tell which it is... she talks in such a baby talk kind of way that I wonder what exactly she is saying sometimes. But I am sure of the "ni mao wo" part of it.

I got a suggestion for the geniuses out there in the world who want to invent the ultimate translator - make it so you can type in the region of the world where someone comes from, and then feed into it the words someone is saying, adjusting for age. Then have it translate what is being said. What an adoptive parent wouldn't pay for that!

Motherhood

Wow... this motherhood thing is hard.

OK, we got off really easy with Kenzie. She was so easy to take care of, to raise - we were spoiled rotten with a kid who was as close to perfect as can be. She was easy going, funny and smart... and able to do things for herself - something I didn't realize that I loved so much about her growing up.

OK, Jia is smart, and funny. She is NOT easy going. Just NOT. And her volume level is set on LOUDEST. (We never asked what words would help her understand that she needs to talk more softly.) But I think a huge part of all this right now is that there is such a huge distance between us because of the language barrier. She keeps saying something to me (daily) and so far no one understands what it is she is saying. Least of all me... since my Chinese is so limited.

It seems that once her jie-jie is home, things get marginally better. But there are still breakdowns in communication - and if I could only understand what she was saying I could help her more. She seems extremely willing to do things and to be thoughtful, especially towards her big sister. Wish I could say the same about Kenzie, but it seems she delights in finding ways right now to make her sister cry and trying to make it look like it's not her fault... hmmmmm.... guess she's got a mean streak in her. "OH mommy! I didn't know I was stepping on her bracelet" (as Kenzie is standing on it - gotta feel that round lumpy thing under her tender foot - as Jia is crying and trying to pull her foot off of it...)

I keep telling myself that it will get better.... it may take a few months of this - but it will get better.

On the flip side - I have no time to myself. I have absolutely no time to work on her adoption video, or get information for my mom for health insurance, or fill out forms to take Jia to Riley Hospital - and finding a quiet moment means waking up in the middle of the night and staying up 3-4 hours, only to wake up bleary eyed and tired... no, MORE tired.

We need to try and see if we can get her into a preschool. We have one in mind if we can get a scholarship. It is 3 days a week, 9-11:30 and it would do her good to be with kids she can play with. We went to a craft fair for kids at the place that has the preschool, and Jia had a blast making things - in fact, she really has great concentration and can do a lot of planning on what she wants her craft to look like. And she LOVED it. The church is a really nice place and I was impressed with the people. I hope things can work out. Jia really needs a little time for herself as well.

Ears are pierced!

Wow, what an ordeal!

We went to the Piercing Pagoda at the mall yesterday to get Kenzie's ears pierced. Jia's ears are already pierced (one of the teachers at the orphanage did it.) I guess for every girl, at some time in her life, she goes through this rite of passage, from little girl to (in Kenzie's case) a bigger little girl. I didn't get my ears pierced until I was twenty. And then I did it the old-fashoined way - drink a pint of vodka and hold ice to my ears so when my cousin shoved a needle through them I (hopefully) wouldn't feel it. NOTE TO OTHERS: it doesn't work - you feel it anyway. Especially since she had to try it about three times on each ear - I have really thick cartilage in my ears.

Kenzie picked out the earrings she wanted to have her ears pierced with, and another pair she could wear once they had healed. After paying for the earrings, it was time to have her sit in the chair.

She got up there and then began to freak a little. They took alcohol wipes and cleaned her ears off, to which she sat with scrunched up shoulders. Then they took the marking pen to put the dots on her ears - and she again began to scrunch her shoulders and cried out a little. I explained to her that they had to mark where they were going to put her holes so they could give her a good piercing. Otherwise, they'd have to do it again and we only want to do it once.

Then they pulled out the "guns" that they use to pierce the ears with. That's when all hell broke loose. She screamed and then stood up on the edge of the chair and wrapped her arms around my neck in a choke hold and just kept crying and screaming...

It told her that if she wanted pierced ears then she had to have them put in with the equipment she saw. She screamed she didn't like the needle. After trying to calm her down a bit (with no luck) I picked her up out of the chair, put her down on the floor and told her if she didn't want her ears pierced today and wanted to wait until she was older, that was fine with me. I would go ahead and give the earrings to Jia.

She looked at me and said, "But can't you save them for me?"

I told her the earrings were for little girls, not older girls, and that since Jia had her ears pierced already, she could wear them. The earrings wouldn't fit her if she was 13.

It took her a few seconds. but you could see the wheels turning in her head, and by all things sacred she was not going to let her earrings be given to Jia for any reason.

She walked back around me and got up in the chair, this time a little more resolute. I told her that she could hold my hands and squeeze as tight as she wanted to. When the moment came that the earrings went through her ears ( and she felt the pain) she was back to crying again. But they did a great job of getting her ears pierced - they look really good.

I took her for some ice cream, and for a while, she was not too happy with me. But after about a half hour, we were in Claire's looking at other earrings, and she went to their full-length mirror and was smiling at herself, moving her head back and forth to admire her new look. And feeling very grown up about herself.